Tag Archive | "MRT"

Hatched Godzilla egg found to be cause of Circle Line MRT train breakdowns

Hatched Godzilla egg found to be cause of Circle Line MRT train breakdowns

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Local engineers glad they have found the source of the problem.

hatched-godzilla-egg-circle-line

Engineers in Singapore from that particular walk of life, who have to deal with MRT breakdowns all the time because such issues are increasingly rampant, have isolated the cause of the problems of the Circle Line MRT.

This after the Circle Line MRT kept breaking down for consecutive days in a row, leaving commuters angry and authorities baffled.

However, the cause of the service breakdowns, they have found out, was due to a radioactive hatched Godzilla egg discovered to be residing along the tracks between Lorong Chuan and Serangoon.

The radioactive decay due to the hatched egg emitting radiation, which included alpha particles, beta particles, gamma rays and conversion electrons, was what was interrupting with train signals leading to breakdowns.

One engineer, Jing Kiang, said: “We would see the frequency of breakdowns along the Circle Line greatly reduced now that the radioactive hatched egg has been removed from the track premises.”

“There shouldn’t be any more interference as we’ve removed the problematic empty shells. All is well now.”

“We mustn’t let our problems define us.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life agreed that things can only get better now that the cause of the breakdowns has been eliminated.

One local, Kan De Kai, said: “Finding out that an empty hatched Godzilla egg is the source of the Circle Line problems is such a relief.”

“And here I am wondering and cursing the authorities, thinking if the Circle Line problems will ever be diagnosed.”

“It is almost as if I can only see the smaller problem instead of the bigger one.”

At press time, it is a matter of time before Godzilla emerges from the depths of the Straits of Johor to bash its way from the north to the south and destroy the CBD Marina Bay district.

 

 

 

 

 

 





MRT train breakdowns to give S’poreans slower pace of life

MRT train breakdowns to give S’poreans slower pace of life

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Singaporeans are forced to slow down, which is a good thing in this 70 percent mandate climate.

mrt-interior

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take the MRT train because cars are for rich people, have come out to applaud train faults and breakdowns.

This after MRT services were disrupted several times during peak hour recently.

However, this was not something to be frowned upon.

One Singaporean, Man Man Lai, said being held up was a blessing instead: “Whenever there is a train fault or breakdown now, I take it as a cue to take things slow.”

“It is a good time to stop and smell the roses and not be constantly on the move and in a rush to get from place to place.”

Other Singaporeans said they are also very supportive of a slower pace of life.

Jin Jian Kang, another local who has experienced numerous train faults so far, said: “Having to slow down to a crawl is good for my health.”

“Especially in this 70 percent mandate climate, there’s no point feeling bitter and angry anymore.”

“Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you’re part of a team.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Temasek to invoke Lemon Law if any more hairline cracks found on SMRT trains

Temasek to invoke Lemon Law if any more hairline cracks found on SMRT trains

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If the train breaks down again, they are also going to return it.

mrt-train-lemon

Temasek Holdings will be counting on Singapore’s Lemon Law a lot in the near future.

This after they realised the SMRT trains they are going to buy for S$1.18 billion might have more hairline cracks or would break down again, rendering them lemons in the eyes of the law.

A Lemon Law provides additional rights to consumers for non-conforming goods, which are those of a different quality, condition or type than that which was agreed upon during the transaction.

One Singaporean, Suan Ling Mong, said: “They came here to buy trains and train tracks, not lemons.”

“Therefore, if it turns into a lemon, they are not going to idly stand by and live with it.”

“It is good that Singapore safeguards the interests of buyers from unscrupulous sellers.”

Other locals, however, said buyers beware applies as well.

Yu Chun, another local, said: “If buyers do not exercise due diligence and still opt to buy products from questionable sellers, there is nothing the law can do sometimes.”

“You can warn people not to go to Sim Lim Square but a fool and his money are soon parted.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Colourful MRT lines show that public transport is gay

Colourful MRT lines show that public transport is gay

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MRT lines must, therefore, be in 50 shades of grey.

completed-mrt-map

Dear New Nation,

I applaud the authorities’ move in discouraging the kissing scene between two male actors in Les Misérables Singapore show.

However, I would like to urge the authorities to go further by re-examining the design of the MRT map.

As Singapore expands its public transport system, we will require more colours to differentiate one line from another, turning our map into a veritable rainbow.

As it is now well-established in Singapore, rainbow designs have been the LGBT movement’s insidious and hidden method of converting all Singaporean to homosexuality and can certainly be blamed for Singapore’s falling birth rates.

I, therefore, implore the authorities to seriously consider changing our system maps.

There is no concern about not being able to identify one line from another, as Singaporeans have already discovered 50 shades of grey they can use to indicate different lines.

50 shades of gray is also an appropriate colour scheme to use because of the book. I have not read it but I have heard that it details the sex life of a heterosexual male and female, and should be a shining beacon of what Singaporeans must aim to have.

I suggest we carry out the change in phases so as not to affect the public’s daily routines too much, starting with NEL, because it is the purple line.

Yours sincerely,
Anonymous letter writer

 

 

 

 

 

 





NSF no place to sit down because MRT train carriage full, reports his Third Eye

NSF no place to sit down because MRT train carriage full, reports his Third Eye

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Now that’s tough.

nsf-train-stand

A full-time national serviceman seen standing in one of the train carriages has confirmed that he could not sit down as the train was fully packed, contrary to eye witness accounts and photographic proof that the train was empty at that time.

The NSF, who gave his name as Kwa Teo Kwee, said: “When I’m outfield, it is also always quite crowded, a lot of children crying and even elderly men and women asking for directions to go home.”

“They will also ask me if I have seen their belongings and the last place they went to was YMCA at Stamford Road or that they were last at Changi beach but now they are here.”

“Some of them will ask me for help and ask where is their family or how do they find the gate and the bridge to go over but I try not to talk to them. At least not that often. And they do get angry.”

“And that’s when accidents happen.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to sit down. But there is just no where to sit. It is impolite to take other’s seats. Especially without asking, or maintaining eye contact first.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Able-bodied S’porean man had nightmare he was Stomped when he fell asleep on MRT train

Able-bodied S’porean man had nightmare he was Stomped when he fell asleep on MRT train

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He was sitting on a regular seat when he fell asleep.

man-sleep-mrt-train

A completely able-bodied Singaporean man, who is healthy and contributes to society by working and paying taxes, woke up with a startle while sweating profusely and breathing heavily on the MRT train this evening as he had a nightmare.

This after the man dreamt that he was being Stomped.

Koon Orh Orh, the Singaporean man, said: “The last thing I remembered was that I sat down on an available seat on the train as people got off to change trains at the interchange station.”

“Then the next thing I knew, I was suddenly looking at myself seated on the reserved seat and there was a heavily pregnant standing right in front of me.”

“I tried calling out to myself but I couldn’t wake up and I could see people looking at my sleeping self like I was Satan incarnate Himself.”

“And then I saw a few people take out their camera phones and pointed them at my direction and taking photos as I slept and looked like I was selfishly hoarding the seat and not giving it up to the pregnant woman.”

“And I was really panicking at this point, but there was nothing I could do to wake myself up from the reserved seat.”

“Then I started screaming. Next thing I knew, I was shaken awake, sweating and breathing heavily through my mouth but still seated on the regular seat. I realised I was having a nightmare.”

“But I noticed the people around me had vacated their place and there was an empty space surrounding me even though the rest of the train was very crowded.”

“I awoke to see at least a few cameras pointing in my direction and realised they were taking a video of me the whole time while I was having my nightmare.”

“Now the video is trending on Facebook.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





North-South Line MRT train struck by lightning an omen by Lee Kuan Yew

North-South Line MRT train struck by lightning an omen by Lee Kuan Yew

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Singaporeans, take heed.

lee-kuan-yew-lightning-strike

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who know an omen when they see one as they are very in tuned with the other side, are convinced the North-South Line MRT train struck by lightning on Wednesday, May 11, 2016, had been ordained by Lee Kuan Yew to serve as a warning that something major was about to happen.

The incident occurred during a thunderstorm around 4pm between Yishun and Yio Chu Kang stations, crippling the train.

One Singaporean, Da Lei, said the lightning strike omen was definitely by Lee Kuan Yew as a way to tell Singaporeans he still has their interests at heart: “If you thought the PAP lightning logo and the lightning strike on the MRT train was a sheer coincidence, you obviously deserve to be more religious to strengthen your belief in superstitions.”

“Lee Kuan Yew is watching from up above. He just wants to tell Singaporeans to ready themselves.”

“This is a message for his son.”

Other Singaporeans said this warning and many others that previously appeared in Orchard Road, that included a spate of fires, could have been in response to other unresolved issues in Singapore that Lee Kuan Yew would like to attend to and he is trying to force the hand of the authorities.

One other local, Jian Gui, said: “More warnings will carry on unabated until Lee Kuan Yew’s 38 Oxley Road house is demolished just as he had wished.”

“If his will is to be defied anymore, be prepared for the whole of Ang Mo Kio and Yio Chu Kang to be razed to the ground while the sky turns black and rain lightning bolts.”

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan takes out diary, scribbles furiously: ‘100 days start today’

Khaw Boon Wan takes out diary, scribbles furiously: ‘100 days start today’

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Four-day disruption-free streak broken by massive MRT power fault.

khaw-boon-wan-diary

Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan took out his pocket diary from his breast pocket and flipped to a page somewhere in the middle.

Witnesses said he was seen scribbling quite furiously into the page marked out with today’s date, April 25: “100 days start today.”

This after both the North-South and East-West lines went down simultaneously in the evening on Monday, April 25, due to a power fault.

Sources close to the scene said he then tore out the previous few pages in the diary and threw it into the litter bin, before muttering something under his breath: “96 more days to 100 days.”

“So close.”

The last train disruption was on April 21, two days after Minister Khaw said the North-South Line achieved 100 days without any major incident and was on track to better reliability.

At press time, Minister Khaw was seen excusing himself from the crowd as he closed his eyes, bit his lips and held back tears for jinxing it.

 

 

 

 

 





MRT gantries affirm commitment to be reliable even during power disruptions

MRT gantries affirm commitment to be reliable even during power disruptions

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They will continue to deduct your fares even with no power.

mrt-breakdown-power

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take the MRT because cars are for rich people, are slow clapping and nodding their heads in approval.

This after MRT gantries continued to function as if nothing is wrong despite portions of both the North-South and East-West lines going down simultaneously in the evening on Monday, April 25, due to a power fault.

Train services between Joo Koon and Bugis stations on the East-West line and between Woodlands and Jurong East stations on the North-South line were affected.

One commuter, Zhen Shen Qi, said she is impressed by the gantries reliability to continue to deduct fares even with no power on: “The manufacturer of these MRT gantries must teach the manufacturers of the trains and tracks on how to be reliable.”

“Even though there is no light in the station and all the power is switched off, the gantries are still functioning like normal.”

“This is the type of reliability that has traditionally been reserved for the ERP gantries.”

“After nuclear holocaust, also no problem.”

At press time, however, other Singaporeans praised SMRT for reaffirming their commitment to be reliable by predictably breaking down every day on both lines so as to not keep commuters guessing about when the next disruption will be.

 

 

 

 

 





2 breakdowns in a day sees MRT behaving normally again after 100 disruption-free days

2 breakdowns in a day sees MRT behaving normally again after 100 disruption-free days

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Failure to Majulah loudly was the main cause of problems.

nel-signboard-600px

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, are blaming themselves and saying it is their own fault.

This after there were two train breakdowns on April 21, two days after Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan said the North-South Line achieved 100 days without any major incident and was on track to better reliability.

One Singaporean, Huai Leow, said she should have done more in her own capacity to prevent the breakdowns: “I did not shout ‘Majulah’ loudly each time I left the house in the morning to take the train.”

“The shortage of Majulahs has caused the MRT train to break down.”

Other Singaporeans said Minister Khaw should be heartened instead.

One other local, An Quan Gan, said: “Minister Khaw Boon Wan is right that the MRT is on track to better reliability.”

“Now that the MRT is breaking down normally again, it is behaving in a predictably reliable manner.”

“Otherwise, commuters will be left guessing when the next breakdown will be. The past 100 disruption-free days were not easy to live through.”

“Majulah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





MRT more reliable as breakdowns happen regularly instead of unpredictably

MRT more reliable as breakdowns happen regularly instead of unpredictably

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Commuters glad disruptions happen as expected instead of not knowing when the next one might occur.

mrt-east-west

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, said they are happy that MRT reliability has improved.

This after the Land Transport Authority said there has been a rise in major breakdowns but the MRT in Singapore is getting more reliable and the North South Line suffered a disruption two days after Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan declared that it had been 100 days disruption-free.

One Singaporean, Didi Pai, said having daily breakdowns will prepare commuters mentally so they know they can count on the train to predictably malfunction: “Yes, I agree with LTA as I can definitely feel MRT reliability improving. I can now expect the MRT system to break down every day instead of second-guessing when it will happen next.”

“However, more has to be done to ensure that the breakdown happens regularly enough because there are still some rare days where the MRT system goes on without a hitch and everything works fine.”

“That’s not ideal.”

MRT operators, SMRT and SBS Transit, have also said they will look into commuters’ feedback to ensure breakdowns are more regular. This is to continue to improve reliability in the occurrence of disruptions that lead to multi-station malfunctions.

One SMRT spokesperson, Gong Jiao Wei, said: “At the present moment, it is hard for us to schedule breakdowns on a timely basis, such as ensuring that it happens every day without fail during a specific time, like during peak hour at 8am in the morning when everyone is rushing to work, for example.”

“But what we can do is to make sure breakdowns can occur within a certain period, for example, between 8am and 10am or between 7pm and 8pm, when it is most packed and more people can be inconvenienced at the same time, which would lead to more news coverage and social media chatter and have a broader impact on public consciousness.”

“If we can keep this up, reliability will definitely improve as Singaporeans will know ahead of time when to avoid taking the trains and make plans for other transport arrangements.”

To make breakdowns happen in a more timely predictable fashion, some steps that SMRT and SBS Transit are expected to take include not taking appropriate measures to change train sleepers on schedule, putting off electrical wiring work to another date thinking it is not urgent, and generally, maintaining a lax system of checks and balances for crucial operating systems.

Both train operators have also said they are aware that while inaction on their part in terms of maintenance is crucial, improving the reliability of daily breakdowns will require working harder at non-transport competencies, such as the redirecting of vital limited resources to other money-making ventures, like providing advertising space in train stations and coming up with more ways to increase rental returns from leased properties.

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore experiments with 28-hour days to give SMRT more time each day to maintain tracks

S’pore experiments with 28-hour days to give SMRT more time each day to maintain tracks

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This is to address the problem of lack of downtime for maintenance.

28-hour-days-smrt

In a bid to ensure 70 percent of Singaporeans from all walks of life get the Singapore they deserve, Singapore is implementing 28-hour days in place of regular 24-hour ones.

This after the government vowed to give SMRT sufficient time to maintain its tracks, by making full use of the strong mandate given by the people.

The Singapore government discovered that by adding four additional hours a day to the traditional globally-recognised 24-hour cycle, it is much easier than expecting SMRT to fix its tracks on time over a few hours overnight.

One government spokesperson, Gan Shi Jian, said: “If we cannot fix the track, we might as well fix time itself.”

“This way, SMRT will be able to tackle the problem at its root, which is really, a lack of time.”

“And by having 28-hour days, we are also effectively extending the time before the next General Election in 2020 arrives.”

Singaporeans who heard of this plan said they are supportive of it.

One local, Bao Fo Jiao, said: “Not doing much to maintain the tracks the past 20 years and trying to do everything now feels a lot like last minute grab Buddha leg.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to man who insists on blowing bubbles in MRT station even when told to stop

S’poreans react to man who insists on blowing bubbles in MRT station even when told to stop

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Three thoughts you must have had.

bubble-artist-mrt-video-600px

A bubble artist who performs under the moniker, The Order of the Imaculate Bubble, was told to stop blowing bubbles inside HarbourFront MRT station by a staff member there.

The incident was recorded on video.

The artist, who maintained throughout the video that it was not illegal for him to blow bubbles and that he knew the code of conduct inside a station, then accused the staff of detaining him after a confrontation.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “This is not the kind of thing anyone should be doing in the aftermath of a tragedy where two SMRT staff were killed.”
Mei Lee Mao, 45-year-old dining etiquette coach

 

sian-half-uncle “He should pull this stunt off at Brussels airport and see if he gets shot.”
Ho Yee See, 62-year-old undertaker

 

happy-bird-girl “If he likes to blow things so much, he should just go to Desker Road.”
Seh Qing Kuan, 16-year-old part-time student

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











Commuters struggle to remain on their feet as MRT train tests high speed mode

Commuters struggle to remain on their feet as MRT train tests high speed mode

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Yio Chu Kang to Khatib in 40 seconds.

The train was packed when it left the station. The other commuters have slid behind the camera as two men valiantly try to hold their ground when speeds exceeded 400km/hr.

The train was packed when it left the station. The other commuters have slid behind the camera as two men valiantly try to hold their ground when speeds exceeded 400km/hr.

mrt-fast-prone

Commuters from all walks of life were seen falling over themselves as MRT trains underwent high speed trial runs in a bid to up service standards and keep Singaporeans moving more quickly.

On one of the longest stretches of tracks in Singapore between Yio Chu Kang and Khatib station, the duration of travel was reduced to 40 seconds, when it conventionally took up to five minutes or more, as top speeds of up to 400km/hr were breached.

Commuters were seen slipping and sliding inside the MRT carriage, forcing many to lay prone on the floor.

When the MRT train surpassed the 320km/hr mark, some commuters were already seen relieving all over themselves.

One commuter, See Baey Kin, who arrived safely at the station, although his lower part of his body was drenched, said: “I think it is generally quite safe, as long as you lower your centre of gravity.”

 

 

 

 

 











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