Tag Archive | "MRT"

S’poreans assure Khaw Boon Wan train breakdown reports are fake news

S’poreans assure Khaw Boon Wan train breakdown reports are fake news

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All these mainstream media reports and social media posts are fake news.

o-level-students-apologise-khaw-boon-wanfake-news



Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, have come out to assure Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan everything is okay.

This after Khaw previously eviscerated the mainstream media in Singapore for playing up the MRT system down times and making it appear that thousands of Singaporeans were inconvenienced and negatively affected as public transport services ground to a snail’s pace.

One Singaporean, Hong Gan Leow, said: “No worries, Minister Khaw Boon Wan. All the mainstream media reports you are seeing now are fake news.”

“Do not be influenced by these negative reports of how the extended travelling time is one hour and the stations are crowded with people during peak hour.”

“Everything is normal and okay. No problem.”

Other locals said any reports about congestion and overcrowded conditions can be dismissed as fake news and are inaccurate.

Another local, Pian Lang, said: “Minister Khaw, do not be easily swayed by these irresponsible media reports of thousands of Singaporeans being affected at the same time as they struggle to go home or go out on a Friday night.”

“Who can be right in this instance? Thousands of Singaporeans witnessing the breakdown at the same time or you?”

“Without a doubt, of course it is you.”

“You can never be wrong.”

“Don’t be lied to by these irresponsible people and fake media.”

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan is the greatest man in S’pore

Khaw Boon Wan is the greatest man in S’pore

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MRT system is the greatest thing on the planet.

khaw-boon-wan-greatest

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are sorry they did not support Khaw Boon Wan enough by believing the alarmist media, are prostrating with their heads to the ground and arms outstretched in apology.

This after the Singapore media wrote critical articles saying the MRT system is increasingly shit, which hurt Khaw Boon Wan’s feelings.

As atonement, Singaporeans are now praising Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT as the best things ever.

One Singaporean, Zuo Ai, said: “Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT system in Singapore are the best.”

“They are better than sex or striking lottery.”

“I will give up 10 years of my life just to meet Khaw Boon Wan face to face and ride the MRT with him.”

Other locals gave even more effusive praise to Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT system so as to make them feel good once again.

Another local, Poh Lan Pah, said: “We must not criticise Khaw Boon Wan or the MRT system in Singapore anymore.”

“They can do no wrong.”

“Everything that is negative about the MRT reported in the media is fake.”

“Vote PAP forever. Lee Kuan Yew is god.”

 

 





MRT is S’pore’s No. 1 disruptive technology

MRT is S’pore’s No. 1 disruptive technology

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Disrupting the lives of thousands of Singaporeans every other day.

downtown-line-down

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, are applauding in the direction of MRT trains.

This after it was found that the MRT in Singapore is the number one disruptive technology leading the way in the country, as it has broken down again.

One Singaporean, Didi Pai, said: “Singapore is always trying to develop disruptive technologies to disrupt the existing industries.”

“Well, the MRT in Singapore has been nothing but disruptive to everybody’s lives for quite a long time now. About time Singaporeans recognise it as the disruptive technology it is.”

Other locals said recognising the MRT as a disruptive technology is just a first step.

Another local, Huai Leow, said: “What we need to do now is to keep the MRT as disruptive as ever.”

“Since it is so disruptive, we need to keep it disrupting.”

“This is the real meaning of ‘disruptive’.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Able-bodied man had nightmare he was Stomped after he fell asleep on MRT train

Able-bodied man had nightmare he was Stomped after he fell asleep on MRT train

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He was sitting on a regular seat when he fell asleep.

man-sleep-mrt-train

A completely able-bodied Singaporean man, who is healthy and contributes to society by working and paying taxes, woke up with a startle while sweating profusely and breathing heavily on the MRT train as he had a nightmare.

This after the man dreamt that he was being Stomped.

Koon Orh Orh, the Singaporean man, said: “The last thing I remembered was that I sat down on an available seat on the train as people got off to change trains at the interchange station.”

“Then the next thing I knew, I was suddenly looking at myself seated on the reserved seat and there was a heavily pregnant woman standing right in front of me.”

“I tried calling out to myself but I couldn’t wake up and I could see people looking at my sleeping self like I was Satan incarnate Himself.”

“And then I saw a few people take out their camera phones and pointed them at my direction and taking photos as I slept and looked like I was selfishly hoarding the seat and not giving it up to the pregnant woman.”

“And I was really panicking at this point, but there was nothing I could do to wake myself up from the reserved seat.”

“Then I started screaming. Next thing I knew, I was shaken awake, sweating and breathing heavily through my mouth but still seated on the regular seat. I realised I was having a nightmare.”

“But I noticed the people around me had vacated their place and there was an empty space surrounding me even though the rest of the train was very crowded.”

“I awoke to see at least a few cameras pointing in my direction and realised they were taking a video of me the whole time while I was having my nightmare.”

“Now the video is trending on Facebook.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





2 breakdowns in one morning see MRT behaving normally again

2 breakdowns in one morning see MRT behaving normally again

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Singaporeans worried lack of breakdowns has ushered in a period of abnormality.

mrt-ns-ew-line-fault-breakdown

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, are blaming themselves and saying it is their own fault.

This after there were two train breakdowns on April 18 along the North-South and East-West Lines, showing that the MRT system is finally going back to normal after having no or infrequent breakdowns in the last few weeks.

One Singaporean, Didi Pai, said having daily breakdowns will prepare commuters mentally so they know they can count on the train to predictably malfunction: “I can definitely feel MRT reliability improving. I can now expect the MRT system to break down every day instead of second-guessing when it will happen next.”

“However, more has to be done to ensure that the breakdown happens regularly enough because there are still some rare days where the MRT system goes on without a hitch and everything works fine.”

“That’s not ideal.”

MRT operators, SMRT and SBS Transit, have also said they will look into commuters’ feedback to ensure breakdowns are more regular.

This is to continue to improve reliability in the occurrence of disruptions that lead to multi-station malfunctions.

One train operator, Gong Jiao Wei, said: “At the present moment, it is hard for us to schedule breakdowns on a timely basis, such as ensuring that it happens every day without fail during a specific time, like during peak hour at 8am in the morning when everyone is rushing to work, for example.”

“But what we can do is to make sure breakdowns can occur within a certain period, for example, between 8am and 10am or between 7pm and 8pm, when it is most packed and more people can be inconvenienced at the same time.”

“If we can keep this up, reliability will definitely improve as Singaporeans will know ahead of time when to avoid taking the trains and make plans for other transport arrangements.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Child breastfed in full view of public fined S$50 for eating on MRT

Child breastfed in full view of public fined S$50 for eating on MRT

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No eating on board stations and trains.

mrt-breastfeeding-01

A child who was breastfed in full view of the public has been fined S$50 for eating on the MRT train.

This after a photo of the child who was nursing on his mother was taken and shared on numerous online forums, providing photographic evidence of the consumption of a food on the public transport system, even though signs on the train clearly warned that eating and drinking is not allowed and constitutes a violation.

An authority spokesperson said: “We had to impose a partial fine instead of the usual S$500 fine as a deterrence because the child was clearly eating a tit but not eating a fuller meal, like curry puff or noodles.”

“Commuters are reminded that eating and drinking on board trains are not allowed at all times.”

“If not will have ants.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have no qualms looking at mothers nursing, are split about this sort of strict sanctions.

He Nai Nai, a local, said: “If no action was taken, Singaporeans from all walks of life will construe this as an approval to start eating and drinking on board stations and trains.”

“If action is taken, it would clearly deter others from doing the same, which is a detriment to society as a whole.”

“If a child is hungry, just let the child eat. Children are innocent. They mustn’t be allowed to pay the price.”

“Go ahead, let them eat.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





MRT breakdowns prompt S’poreans to unveil ‘Move-It Motherf#&ker’ mascot with Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness

MRT breakdowns prompt S’poreans to unveil ‘Move-It Motherf#&ker’ mascot with Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness

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It is to encourage MRT trains to get moving when they break down.

move-it-mofor-mrt

Joining the ranks of Bag-Down Benny and Hush-Hush Hannah that was introduced two years ago to encourage passengers to make public transport more pleasant, Singaporeans from all walks of life unveiled their latest cartoon character, “Move-It Motherf#&ker”.

Move-It Motherf#&ker has been introduced to encourage MRT trains to keep moving as Singapore has been facing an increasing number of break downs in the transport system and it borrows liberally from Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness.

One Singaporean, Mai Tu Leow, said: “Whenever the MRT breaks down, Singaporeans channel their inner Samuel L. Jackson a lot. This particular image relies heavily on the actor’s iconic role in Pulp Fiction.”

“We hope that this new character will bring the Move-It Motherf#&ker in the MRT system and all of us commuters.”

Other locals said the character is a good reminder and that they will use it’s advice more often now that he is public.

Another local, Siam Ji Pee, said: “This is also an appropriate message for people who should be keeping left on the escalator but are hogging the right.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Don’t overburden MRT by riding it at the same time

Don’t overburden MRT by riding it at the same time

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This puts undue stress on the MRT and commuters.

circle-line-breakdown-people

MRT trains should not be treated like the best option for the masses to get around at the same time.

The main issue is that those doing so are overburdening the public transport system.

Also, commuters who take the MRT at the same time are putting undue stress on the system and themselves.

Disallowing people from taking the MRT at the same time will lead to normal usage of the machines, which would help in reducing the frequency of breakdowns.

Therefore, can we please stop taking the train together at the same time?

Yours sincerely,
Da Di Tieh

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans unveil ‘Move-It Motherf#&ker’ mascot that relies on Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness

S’poreans unveil ‘Move-It Motherf#&ker’ mascot that relies on Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness

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It is to encourage MRT trains to get moving when they break down.

move-it-mofor-mrt

Joining the ranks of Bag-Down Benny and Hush-Hush Hannah that was introduced two years ago to encourage passengers to make public transport more pleasant, Singaporeans from all walks of life unveiled their latest cartoon character, “Move-It Motherf#&ker”.

Move-It Motherf#&ker has been introduced to encourage MRT trains to keep moving as Singapore has been facing an increasing number of break downs in the transport system and it borrows liberally from Samuel L. Jackson’s likeness.

One Singaporean, Mai Tu Leow, said: “Whenever the MRT breaks down, Singaporeans channel their inner Samuel L. Jackson a lot. This particular image relies heavily on the actor’s iconic role in Pulp Fiction.”

“We hope that this new character will bring the Move-It Motherf#&ker in the MRT system and all of us commuters.”

Other locals said the character is a good reminder and that they will use it’s advice more often now that he is public.

Another local, Siam Ji Pee, said: “This is also an appropriate message for people who should be keeping left on the escalator but are hogging the right.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans shocked no MRT train disruption this morning

S’poreans shocked no MRT train disruption this morning

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No train disruption on any given day is abnormal.

mrt-station-circle-line

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take MRT train because cars are for rich people, said thank you to SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek on Nov. 18, 2016.

This after the MRT train system did not break down this morning as it had experienced a series of MRT and LRT disruptions the last six months.

This led to Singaporeans rejoicing as it is a different way to start the day.

One Singaporean, Jin Gan Ji, said: “We would like to collectively assure that we Singaporeans do not cause the SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek’s trains to break down again. We are very sorry that we did so the previous few years.”

“The SMRT CEO does not have to keep dealing with this kind of thing.”

Other Singaporeans said they are glad a lack of MRT breakdowns is starting to make the news these days.

Another local, Shang Bao Zhi, said: “This means Singapore has progressed to the next level already.”

“But the day has not ended yet, so I’m still keeping my fingers crossed.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans to start making love on MRT as there is not much space

S’poreans to start making love on MRT as there is not much space

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Most ideal place in Singapore.

mrt-breakdown2015

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to listen to what their leaders have to say as they are highly-paid, are going to drop their pants, berms, skirts and shorts, while hiking up dresses and have a go on the MRT.

This after Senior Minister of State Josephine Teo said you don’t need much space to have sex.

One Singaporean, Tuo Yee, said: “The MRT is the best place to have sex as there is always not much space. The best timings include morning and evening peak hours, and especially when the MRT breaks down.”

“That is when there is really not much space at all.”

Other locals said making love while riding the train has its perks.

Zuo Ai, another local, said: “It will really help Singaporeans to stay bonded as one.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Temasek to invoke Lemon Law if more hairline cracks found on SMRT trains

Temasek to invoke Lemon Law if more hairline cracks found on SMRT trains

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If the train breaks down again, they are also going to return it.

mrt-train-lemon

Temasek Holdings will be counting on Singapore’s Lemon Law a lot in the near future.

This after they realised the SMRT trains they are going to buy for a few billion dollars might have more hairline cracks or would break down again, rendering them lemons in the eyes of the law.

A Lemon Law provides additional rights to consumers for non-conforming goods, which are those of a different quality, condition or type than that which was agreed upon during the transaction.

One Singaporean, Suan Ling Mong, said: “They came here to buy trains and train tracks, not lemons.”

“Therefore, if it turns into a lemon, they are not going to idly stand by and live with it.”

“It is good that Singapore safeguards the interests of buyers from unscrupulous sellers.”

Other locals, however, said buyers beware applies as well.

Yu Chun, another local, said: “If buyers do not exercise due diligence and still opt to buy products from questionable sellers, there is nothing the law can do sometimes.”

“You can warn people not to go to Sim Lim Square but a fool and his money are soon parted.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Hatched Godzilla egg found to be cause of Circle Line MRT train breakdowns

Hatched Godzilla egg found to be cause of Circle Line MRT train breakdowns

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Local engineers glad they have found the source of the problem.

hatched-godzilla-egg-circle-line

Engineers in Singapore from that particular walk of life, who have to deal with MRT breakdowns all the time because such issues are increasingly rampant, have isolated the cause of the problems of the Circle Line MRT.

This after the Circle Line MRT kept breaking down for consecutive days in a row, leaving commuters angry and authorities baffled.

However, the cause of the service breakdowns, they have found out, was due to a radioactive hatched Godzilla egg discovered to be residing along the tracks between Lorong Chuan and Serangoon.

The radioactive decay due to the hatched egg emitting radiation, which included alpha particles, beta particles, gamma rays and conversion electrons, was what was interrupting with train signals leading to breakdowns.

One engineer, Jing Kiang, said: “We would see the frequency of breakdowns along the Circle Line greatly reduced now that the radioactive hatched egg has been removed from the track premises.”

“There shouldn’t be any more interference as we’ve removed the problematic empty shells. All is well now.”

“We mustn’t let our problems define us.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life agreed that things can only get better now that the cause of the breakdowns has been eliminated.

One local, Kan De Kai, said: “Finding out that an empty hatched Godzilla egg is the source of the Circle Line problems is such a relief.”

“And here I am wondering and cursing the authorities, thinking if the Circle Line problems will ever be diagnosed.”

“It is almost as if I can only see the smaller problem instead of the bigger one.”

At press time, it is a matter of time before Godzilla emerges from the depths of the Straits of Johor to bash its way from the north to the south and destroy the CBD Marina Bay district.

 

 

 

 

 

 





MRT train breakdowns to give S’poreans slower pace of life

MRT train breakdowns to give S’poreans slower pace of life

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Singaporeans are forced to slow down, which is a good thing in this 70 percent mandate climate.

mrt-interior

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take the MRT train because cars are for rich people, have come out to applaud train faults and breakdowns.

This after MRT services were disrupted several times during peak hour recently.

However, this was not something to be frowned upon.

One Singaporean, Man Man Lai, said being held up was a blessing instead: “Whenever there is a train fault or breakdown now, I take it as a cue to take things slow.”

“It is a good time to stop and smell the roses and not be constantly on the move and in a rush to get from place to place.”

Other Singaporeans said they are also very supportive of a slower pace of life.

Jin Jian Kang, another local who has experienced numerous train faults so far, said: “Having to slow down to a crawl is good for my health.”

“Especially in this 70 percent mandate climate, there’s no point feeling bitter and angry anymore.”

“Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you’re part of a team.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





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