Tag Archive | "malaysia"

S’pore to merge with M’sia

S’pore to merge with M’sia

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Best news yet.

singapore-merge-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to go overseas to buy groceries and pump petrol, are clapping their hands in glee.

This after Singapore will merge with Malaysia again.

One Singaporean, Qiu Hu Lang, said: “This means we go Johor Bahru buy things no need to bring passport already.”

“Some more S$1 is RM3. Shiok.”

“Instead of one Causeway can build a few more as more people will go in and out, to and fro.”

However, other locals said there will be downsides to this merger.

Kee Pah Yew, another local, said: “Malaysia will take it easy, Singapore will want to chiong all the way.”

“Then later Singapore split from Malaysia then Lee Hsien Loong go on TV cry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

S’poreans rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

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This is a good backup plan for the future.

maxis-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have been divorced from Malaysia for more than 50 years, are thinking of rekindling feelings.

This after the Singtel broadband Internet passed away on Dec. 3, 2016, which left many Singaporean citizens high and dry and without a backup plan for more than 24 hours.

One Singaporean, Jiu Hu Kia, said: “Suddenly, being part of a Malaysia network isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

“I heard Maxis Internet network in Malaysia quite strong and stable. Every time in Sembawang or Woodlands, my network will switch to Maxis and cannot detect Singtel, Starhub or M1 signal.”

“Damn powerful. Must be solid with extensive coverage.”

Other Singaporeans said they are on board immediately if Maxis is offering Internet subscription plans to Singaporeans here.

Another local, Jin Pee, said: “Some more the price convert already is one-third only.”

“Shiok.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans consider rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

S’poreans consider rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

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This is a good backup plan for the future.

maxis-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have been divorced from Malaysia for more than 50 years, are thinking of rekindling feelings.

This after the Singtel broadband Internet passed away on Dec. 3, 2016, leaving many Singaporean citizens high and dry and without a backup plan.

One Singaporean, Jiu Hu Kia, said: “Suddenly, being part of a Malaysia network isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

“I heard Maxis Internet network in Malaysia quite strong and stable. Every time in Sembawang or Woodlands, my network will switch to Maxis and cannot detect Singtel, Starhub or M1 signal.”

“Damn powerful. Must be solid with extensive coverage.”

Other Singaporeans said they are on board immediately if Maxis is offering Internet subscription plans to Singaporeans here.

Another local, Jin Pee, said: “Some more the price convert already is one-third only.”

“Shiok.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans react to M’sians fascination with gymnast’s aurat

S’poreans react to M’sians fascination with gymnast’s aurat

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

Farah-Ann-Abdul-Hadi

Malaysian gymnast Farah Ann Abdul Hadi was criticised by Muslims for showing her “aurat” and the “shape of her vagina” in a leotard despite winning a gold medal at the SEA Games 2015.

The 21-year-old Malay woman has since hit back at her critics by saying that “Empty cans make the most noise”.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “As a Singaporean, I must say I was pretty fascinated by her aurat too. Best in this SEA Games 2015.”
Kee Tiao Bu, 50-year-old nurse

 

sian-half-uncle “Should have told me earlier. Would have paid more attention to gymnastics competition.”
Kwa Zha Bor, 65-year-old taxi driver

 

happy-bird-girl “Malaysians should have watched synchronised swimming events if they wanted to see more aurats at one time.”
Kah Kwee Kwee, 22-year-old insurance agent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans, M’sians totally believe their govts didn’t cooperate to raise vehicle entry permits fees

S’poreans, M’sians totally believe their govts didn’t cooperate to raise vehicle entry permits fees

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Yes, this tit-for-tat from both sides is so convincing.

singapore-johor

Singaporeans and Malaysians from all walks of life are utterly convinced that their respective governments did not hold behind-the-scenes talks before publicly announcing they will be raising Vehicle Entry Permit fees.

This after Singapore announced they will be increasing VEP fees for foreign-registered cars from S$20 to S$35 with effect from August 2014, causing Malaysia to retaliate and announce that their VEP for Singaporean-registered vehicles entering Johor will be capped at RM50 (S$19.50).

The whole affair has since been played out as if it is a tit-for-tat.

Mah Lai Ren, a Singaporean man, said: “Yes, all these increases and retaliatory moves from both sides were not discussed beforehand away from the public eye and decided behind closed doors.”

“Yes, it is all spontaneous as Singapore can just suka suka announce its intentions to raise VEP and Malaysia thinks this is not boleh and also raise their levy and it all appears like both sides are not in cahoots.”

“This is so much more believable and palatable than both sides announcing to the media they will raise VEP and both governments will get whacked by the public.”

M’sia believes land reclamation is S’pore’s secret to economic success

M’sia believes land reclamation is S’pore’s secret to economic success

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This superstitious belief caused Malaysia to also reclaim land even when they are 500 times bigger than Singapore.

tuas-second-link

Nearly 50 years after breaking up with Singapore to get on with life their own way, Malaysia has resorted to emulating Singapore and making grand gestures to woo her smaller neighbour back.

This time, land-abundant Malaysia is reclaiming land right in front of Singapore at the Tuas Second Link and calling it Forest City, in a bid to emulate Singapore’s land reclamation projects over the years, believing that this is the secret to economic success.

One Malaysia spokesperson, Mah Lai Ren, said: “In 1965, when Malaysia broke up with Singapore and believed that we can make it and that we did, we didn’t know that the secret to prosperity as used by Singapore is by reclaiming land.”

“Now, however, we know lots of things have changed since we broke up, Singapore has gone on to become one of the most successful countries in Asia and we’ve…. well, we’ve still been Malaysia.”

“We should never have broken up with you, never made you cry, all we ask is for you to give us a second chance.”

As press time, it is believed the land reclamation project might have come about as a result of heeding the advice of the Kuala Lumpur Bomoh.

 

This is the Kuala Lumpur Bomoh in action:
KL bomohs bring rain to S’pore

This is the real definition of success in Singapore:
Kong Hee airfares cost $700,000 because he flew to Heaven regularly

And here is how to achieve little success:
Apply aloe vera on Kong Hee’s burnt areas

Media analysts confident M’sia can successfully sue reporters for false reports

Media analysts confident M’sia can successfully sue reporters for false reports

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If cases are heard in Malaysia courts.

malaysia-sues
mh370-press-briefing

The Malaysian government said Tuesday it was compiling “false” media reports over the MH370 crisis and, in their infinite wisdom, are considering filing lawsuits.

On his Twitter feed, Transport and Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein said the attorney general of Malaysia had been instructed to “compile evidence and advise” on possible legal action.

Which means American, Singaporean and Australian media, among plenty others, can be sued in an imaginary international court of law, perhaps.

Media analysts paying attention to the saga, however, have come out to say that Malaysia has a very strong case moving forward suing all errant reporters and media organisations.

One media analyst, Shang Fa Ting, said Malaysia’s case is clear-cut: “There is no doubt that the Malaysian government can successfully and confidently sue all the reporters who wrote articles they deem false and win compensation — if the cases are heard in Malaysia courts.”

“And then, not only will the reporters be sued, the Malaysia government can even find all reporters guilty of sodomy.”

However, even clear-cut cases have an Achilles’ heel.

Self-styled political pundit and world renowned international relations expert, Eric de Yaya, said: “The news community is watching this case very closely because the Malaysia government might come out again a few weeks’ down the road to say that the threat to sue did not happen and is inaccurate.”

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

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New Nation wins one for Singapore, trolls Malaysia.

During Chinese New Year, New Nation published a half-assed article about a divorcee demanding ang baos.

It was picked up by a Malaysian Chinese newspaper, Guang Ming Daily, and publicised on their Facebook that has 424,000 fans:
guang-ming-daily

 

This shows that Malaysian Chinese newspapers are in the same league as Singapore’s Lianhe Wanbao, who wrote to New Nation asking about the same story:

lianhe-wanbao-joyce

Spying not as serious as hacking, S’poreans insist

Spying not as serious as hacking, S’poreans insist

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They echo government’s stance that hacking is terrorism because people can die from it.

BFF -- not

BFF — not

Singaporeans from all walks of life with varying levels of trust issues are echoing the government’s perspective by saying that hacking is more serious a problem than spying.

This after recent revelations by Edward Snowden that Singapore is a partner of the United States in spying on Malaysia and Indonesia.

One Singaporean, Hen Huai Yi, said: “Yah, spying for the US is definitely not as severe as hacking. This is because hacking is akin to terrorism as it endangers people’s lives.”

“Spying, on the other hand, will not cause people to die.”

Another Singaporean, Zhen Que De, said Singapore assisting US in spying is the right thing to do as Singapore can never be wrong: “If Singapore says hacking is akin to terrorism, then surely it is. And if Singapore helps spy on Malaysia, we cannot question this action, because we can’t.”

“It is definitely right.”

 

Also read:
Jaywalking akin to terrorism if it endangers lives

 

 

 

 

S’poreans help M’sia become the 10th most visited tourist destination

S’poreans help M’sia become the 10th most visited tourist destination

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In the world.

malaysia-tourism

The Malaysian prime minister Najib Razak is heartily congratulating himself as Malaysia is said to be the 10th most visited country.

This is according to the United Nations World Tourism Organisation.

However, Singaporeans have come out to thank the Malaysian prime minister for cheap petrol.

Pah Kah Song, a Singaporean, said: “Wah heng he never see my passport chop until siao! Later he prevent me from going to JB every weekend to pump petrol until song! And buy milk powder. “

Malaysia, Truly Asia: Hilarious happenings from their GE13

Malaysia, Truly Asia: Hilarious happenings from their GE13

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Thank god we separated from them in 1965.

Semi-professional election watchers in Singapore spent the whole Sunday night and the wee hours of Monday morning glued to “live” updates of Malaysia’s GE13 results.

And boy, are we glad we separated from them in 1965 to become our own sovereign country.

Because the action over there was nothing but hilarious.

Check it out for yourselves.

1. Citizen journalists in Malaysia claim to have photographic evidence of some dude carrying extra ballots to rig the vote tally.
GE13-01

2. And everywhere Malaysians turned, they walked into more bags carrying extra ballots.
GE13-05
GE13-06

3. Many polling stations experienced 10-minute blackouts. And suddenly, new boxes of ballots appeared out of nowhere.
GE13-02

4. I’m probably not getting this right, but one of the measures is for voters to have their finger painted blue and they proceed to dig their nose?
GE13-09
GE13-04

5. Two hours into counting the votes, ownself declare ownself win.
GE13-03

6. A whole bunch of other people getting themselves arrested.
GE13-07
GE13-08

Er is it just Singaporeans’ perspective or is there something very antediluvian about how things work up north?

That Effing Show – Indians also worthy of stereotypes

That Effing Show – Indians also worthy of stereotypes

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And the top Singapore celebrity on Facebook is…

And the top Singapore celebrity on Facebook is…

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The answer is not something you would totally expect.

By Terence Lee

WOULD you believe me if I told you that Malay actor Aaron Aziz is the most popular Singapore celebrity on Facebook, and that the runner-up is not even close?

I couldn’t believe my eyes either, but numbers don’t lie.

According to Famecount — a UK-based website that tracks the social media popularity of celebrities, brands, and icons — Aaron Aziz is the undisputed winner in the online popularity contest, weighing in at a staggering 874,471 fans.

By comparison, cutesy Chinese pop duo By2 has 374,425 fans, while — I hate to say this — politician Nicole Seah, in third place, has “only” 105,159 fans.

What about founding father Lee Kuan Yew, the modern architect of Singapore, without which the country would be a slum? A paltry 91,064 fans.

Looks like Aaron Aziz is a god in some quarters, although certainly not in my universe. In fact, he hardly registered in my mind at all, save for his starring role in local police drama Heartlanders.

My best guess is that his smokin’ good looks and acting chops must have won over many fans across the Causeway in Malaysia.

The adoration has even landed him a starring role in a Malaysian action film (aptly called KL Gangster) that makes the Singapore film industry look absolutely lame by comparison (see trailer):

Come to think of it, the notion of entertainers trumping all other personalities in Internet popularity isn’t new at all.

Lady Gaga (40 million fans) and Justin Bieber (32 million fans), for instance, totally put US President Barack Obama (22 million fans) to shame. Even if you add his wife Michelle, who has 6 million fans, the power duo would still not be able to withstand the wave of Bieber Fever infecting teenage minds everywhere.

That’s what a billion-dollar marketing campaign and a cool hairdo can do for you these days.

Do men cheat because their wives suck in bed?

Do men cheat because their wives suck in bed?

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Actually yes. Because women of wife-material are socialised not to enjoy sex.

By Fang Shihan

This man's two wives are from the Obedient Wives Club. Clearly, he's one happy man.

It’s a question that women have been trying to untangle since the union of a couple became a legal institution: Do husbands cheat because their wives are bad in bed?

Recently disgraced New York congressman, Anthony Weiner, had his bulging crotch published over his twitter feed after he accidentally posted it to ‘everyone’ instead of ‘some chick he wanted to fap off to’.

Like all good politicians, he blamed it on a bogeyman – a hacker.

Former california governor Arnie went a step further, fathering a child with his housekeeper who looked like…well, an aging housekeeper. The fact that he kept it under wraps for 10 years, actually shows that he is not too bad an actor.

Closer to home, we’ve got Jack Neo and his never-quite-made-it model former girlfriend.

And an ancient rumour that was never confirmed of a local ex-CEO-of-a-government-linked-public-listed-company’s trysts with a woman in Australia.

The debate surrounding these controversies tend to revolve around two key themes: a) The husbands cheated because they were dicks or b) the wives were somehow not satisfying them sexually.

a) has been accepted as fact. The male species’ need for sex has been acknowledged as an instinct, not a desire, and is as crucial for their well-being as food. b) brings the onus of the relationship onto the wives who have to satisfy this uncompromising need.

 anthony weiner

Anthony weiner's...weiner, straight from the tweet.

Support groups like the BDSM-sounding “Obedient Wives Club” claim to train housewives to be better at sex than ‘first class prostitutes’, assuming that with their sexual urges satisfied, husbands will have no reason to look elsewhere but at home.

Sorry to break the news but blowjobs won’t be as fantastic if its just a call of duty. The crux of the problem doesn’t lie in sexual prowess but how both genders are socialised to regard sex as an unequal activity.

The enjoyment of coitus has long been a birth right of men, an instinct as base as eating or having a beer (halal or otherwise) on a hot sunny afternoon.

The male brain

Yet women who show signs of desiring sex are regarded as a quirk of nature or worse, promiscuous. On top of that, women who engage in pre-marital sex are more likely to be penalised compared to their male counterparts.

Thus, the average woman who’s been brought up to regard sex as a taboo topic will be far less experienced than her deviant, promiscuous counterparts, and most definitely less exposed to sex than the average male.

This is not to say that the average woman does not engage in pre-marital sex (please lah, 2011 already can?), but sex as a topic doesn’t typically make pub conversation for women, unlike men.

Even more so for women of marriageable material, also known as the Nice Girls you bring home to visit mum.

Conservative, respectable creatures, the institution of The Wife is a non-sexual one – a person who provides security, emotional commitment, raises the family, stabilises your life, and is probably someone that you’d take out to show off to your friends.

If she can f***, well that’s great. But the criterion for Wife and Pornstar hardly overlap.

In this context, women are structurally disadvantaged to cope with the myriad of fetishes and fantasies men have been accustomed to, thanks to the proliferation of free pornography and lack of societal inhibitions towards male sexual conquest.

Men therefore cheat on their companions partly because of unrealistic expectations of sex and partly because of the functional contradictions between The Wife and the woman they fap off to in the bathroom.

The latter, ranging from random women online or creatures ending with .jpg and .mpeg, tend to resemble temporary fantasies, summoned to satisfy a need and disposed of thereafter.

Yet men who cheat are by far the minority because the cost of losing a companion through infidelity is far greater than the temporary gratification of sexual release.

In any case, these urges can be satisficed with much lower risk at hand (pun totally intended).

Even women who manage to master the elusive art of being a nun in public and a whore in bed isn’t spared from potential infidelity.

The terminator standing beside Emmy-award winning producer and best selling author of 6 books Maria Shriver. Hawt?

Take the classic case of Arnie vs. Maria Shriver for instance – wife hot? Check. Respectable in public? Check. Husband cheated? Check.

And with a fugly woman no less.

Could Baena possibly be better than Shriver in bed? Maybe. But the sexual attraction lay more in her adulation with Mr. Terminator and the ego-stoking he got from it, than actual technical competency.

So in response to the question: Do husbands cheat because their wives suck in bed?

Yes. And is the Obedient Wives club the answer to it? Hell no.

Monogamy fails because of a mismatch of expectations. A woman enters an agreement to be The Wife and not The ‘Ho.

No matter how hard she tries, sex will never be as satisfying because she regards it as part of the ‘things a wife should do’ list. If she manages to be The Awesome Wife (‘ho package included), her men tend to develop self-esteem issues. So he’s still going to cheat.

What a bummer.

Arnie cheated on Maria Shriver with this woman.

But we’re all forgetting something here: Good sex is a core component of any stable relationship and the best sex only occurs when both parties are fully immersed in the activity.

If a woman regards the sexual satisfaction of her husband primarily as a call of duty, of course it’s going to suck.

So while wives are structurally disadvantaged when it comes to the technical nitty-gritty of sex, husbands have no such excuse.

Mutual enjoyment is the key to motivating both parties to be better at anything, including mastering the Kama Sutra.

And voila, that solves both the problems of women being lousy at it, and men suffering from the lack of it.

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