Tag Archive | "malaysia"

S’pore to sell untreated NEWater to M’sia if water prices raised

S’pore to sell untreated NEWater to M’sia if water prices raised

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Raw water in its purest form.

newwater-malaysia



Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have had it up to here, are proposing a solution to the issue of raising raw water prices by Malaysia.

This after Malaysia prime minister Mahathir Mohamad hinted repeatedly that prices of raw water sold to Singapore should be raised to match 2018 costs.

One Singaporean, Bai Kai Shui, said: “If Malaysia sells us water at increased prices, Singapore would have no choice but to sell untreated NEWater to Malaysia.”

“This is so as treated water costs money. So, to cope with increased costs, a solution has to be found for Malaysia to continue to enjoy water at low prices.”

“This would really show them.”

Other locals said selling untreated NEWater would send a message to Malaysia.

Another local, Mai Sng Seow, said: “Untreated NEWater is the best type of water. Full of flavour and the rawest resource.”

“It will also enable Malaysia to enjoy the true taste of Singapore.”

 





S’pore to merge with M’sia

S’pore to merge with M’sia

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Best news yet.

singapore-merge-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to go overseas to buy groceries and pump petrol, are clapping their hands in glee.

This after Singapore will merge with Malaysia again.

One Singaporean, Qiu Hu Lang, said: “This means we go Johor Bahru buy things no need to bring passport already.”

“Some more S$1 is RM3. Shiok.”

“Instead of one Causeway can build a few more as more people will go in and out, to and fro.”

However, other locals said there will be downsides to this merger.

Kee Pah Yew, another local, said: “Malaysia will take it easy, Singapore will want to chiong all the way.”

“Then later Singapore split from Malaysia then Lee Hsien Loong go on TV cry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

S’poreans rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

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This is a good backup plan for the future.

maxis-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have been divorced from Malaysia for more than 50 years, are thinking of rekindling feelings.

This after the Singtel broadband Internet passed away on Dec. 3, 2016, which left many Singaporean citizens high and dry and without a backup plan for more than 24 hours.

One Singaporean, Jiu Hu Kia, said: “Suddenly, being part of a Malaysia network isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

“I heard Maxis Internet network in Malaysia quite strong and stable. Every time in Sembawang or Woodlands, my network will switch to Maxis and cannot detect Singtel, Starhub or M1 signal.”

“Damn powerful. Must be solid with extensive coverage.”

Other Singaporeans said they are on board immediately if Maxis is offering Internet subscription plans to Singaporeans here.

Another local, Jin Pee, said: “Some more the price convert already is one-third only.”

“Shiok.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans consider rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

S’poreans consider rejoining M’sia Federation to tap on stable Maxis Internet network

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This is a good backup plan for the future.

maxis-malaysia

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have been divorced from Malaysia for more than 50 years, are thinking of rekindling feelings.

This after the Singtel broadband Internet passed away on Dec. 3, 2016, leaving many Singaporean citizens high and dry and without a backup plan.

One Singaporean, Jiu Hu Kia, said: “Suddenly, being part of a Malaysia network isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

“I heard Maxis Internet network in Malaysia quite strong and stable. Every time in Sembawang or Woodlands, my network will switch to Maxis and cannot detect Singtel, Starhub or M1 signal.”

“Damn powerful. Must be solid with extensive coverage.”

Other Singaporeans said they are on board immediately if Maxis is offering Internet subscription plans to Singaporeans here.

Another local, Jin Pee, said: “Some more the price convert already is one-third only.”

“Shiok.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans react to M’sians fascination with gymnast’s aurat

S’poreans react to M’sians fascination with gymnast’s aurat

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

Farah-Ann-Abdul-Hadi

Malaysian gymnast Farah Ann Abdul Hadi was criticised by Muslims for showing her “aurat” and the “shape of her vagina” in a leotard despite winning a gold medal at the SEA Games 2015.

The 21-year-old Malay woman has since hit back at her critics by saying that “Empty cans make the most noise”.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “As a Singaporean, I must say I was pretty fascinated by her aurat too. Best in this SEA Games 2015.”
Kee Tiao Bu, 50-year-old nurse

 

sian-half-uncle “Should have told me earlier. Would have paid more attention to gymnastics competition.”
Kwa Zha Bor, 65-year-old taxi driver

 

happy-bird-girl “Malaysians should have watched synchronised swimming events if they wanted to see more aurats at one time.”
Kah Kwee Kwee, 22-year-old insurance agent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans, M’sians totally believe their govts didn’t cooperate to raise vehicle entry permits fees

S’poreans, M’sians totally believe their govts didn’t cooperate to raise vehicle entry permits fees

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Yes, this tit-for-tat from both sides is so convincing.

singapore-johor

Singaporeans and Malaysians from all walks of life are utterly convinced that their respective governments did not hold behind-the-scenes talks before publicly announcing they will be raising Vehicle Entry Permit fees.

This after Singapore announced they will be increasing VEP fees for foreign-registered cars from S$20 to S$35 with effect from August 2014, causing Malaysia to retaliate and announce that their VEP for Singaporean-registered vehicles entering Johor will be capped at RM50 (S$19.50).

The whole affair has since been played out as if it is a tit-for-tat.

Mah Lai Ren, a Singaporean man, said: “Yes, all these increases and retaliatory moves from both sides were not discussed beforehand away from the public eye and decided behind closed doors.”

“Yes, it is all spontaneous as Singapore can just suka suka announce its intentions to raise VEP and Malaysia thinks this is not boleh and also raise their levy and it all appears like both sides are not in cahoots.”

“This is so much more believable and palatable than both sides announcing to the media they will raise VEP and both governments will get whacked by the public.”

M’sia believes land reclamation is S’pore’s secret to economic success

M’sia believes land reclamation is S’pore’s secret to economic success

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This superstitious belief caused Malaysia to also reclaim land even when they are 500 times bigger than Singapore.

tuas-second-link

Nearly 50 years after breaking up with Singapore to get on with life their own way, Malaysia has resorted to emulating Singapore and making grand gestures to woo her smaller neighbour back.

This time, land-abundant Malaysia is reclaiming land right in front of Singapore at the Tuas Second Link and calling it Forest City, in a bid to emulate Singapore’s land reclamation projects over the years, believing that this is the secret to economic success.

One Malaysia spokesperson, Mah Lai Ren, said: “In 1965, when Malaysia broke up with Singapore and believed that we can make it and that we did, we didn’t know that the secret to prosperity as used by Singapore is by reclaiming land.”

“Now, however, we know lots of things have changed since we broke up, Singapore has gone on to become one of the most successful countries in Asia and we’ve…. well, we’ve still been Malaysia.”

“We should never have broken up with you, never made you cry, all we ask is for you to give us a second chance.”

As press time, it is believed the land reclamation project might have come about as a result of heeding the advice of the Kuala Lumpur Bomoh.

 

This is the Kuala Lumpur Bomoh in action:
KL bomohs bring rain to S’pore

This is the real definition of success in Singapore:
Kong Hee airfares cost $700,000 because he flew to Heaven regularly

And here is how to achieve little success:
Apply aloe vera on Kong Hee’s burnt areas

Media analysts confident M’sia can successfully sue reporters for false reports

Media analysts confident M’sia can successfully sue reporters for false reports

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If cases are heard in Malaysia courts.

malaysia-sues
mh370-press-briefing

The Malaysian government said Tuesday it was compiling “false” media reports over the MH370 crisis and, in their infinite wisdom, are considering filing lawsuits.

On his Twitter feed, Transport and Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein said the attorney general of Malaysia had been instructed to “compile evidence and advise” on possible legal action.

Which means American, Singaporean and Australian media, among plenty others, can be sued in an imaginary international court of law, perhaps.

Media analysts paying attention to the saga, however, have come out to say that Malaysia has a very strong case moving forward suing all errant reporters and media organisations.

One media analyst, Shang Fa Ting, said Malaysia’s case is clear-cut: “There is no doubt that the Malaysian government can successfully and confidently sue all the reporters who wrote articles they deem false and win compensation — if the cases are heard in Malaysia courts.”

“And then, not only will the reporters be sued, the Malaysia government can even find all reporters guilty of sodomy.”

However, even clear-cut cases have an Achilles’ heel.

Self-styled political pundit and world renowned international relations expert, Eric de Yaya, said: “The news community is watching this case very closely because the Malaysia government might come out again a few weeks’ down the road to say that the threat to sue did not happen and is inaccurate.”

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

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New Nation wins one for Singapore, trolls Malaysia.

During Chinese New Year, New Nation published a half-assed article about a divorcee demanding ang baos.

It was picked up by a Malaysian Chinese newspaper, Guang Ming Daily, and publicised on their Facebook that has 424,000 fans:
guang-ming-daily

 

This shows that Malaysian Chinese newspapers are in the same league as Singapore’s Lianhe Wanbao, who wrote to New Nation asking about the same story:

lianhe-wanbao-joyce

Spying not as serious as hacking, S’poreans insist

Spying not as serious as hacking, S’poreans insist

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They echo government’s stance that hacking is terrorism because people can die from it.

BFF -- not

BFF — not

Singaporeans from all walks of life with varying levels of trust issues are echoing the government’s perspective by saying that hacking is more serious a problem than spying.

This after recent revelations by Edward Snowden that Singapore is a partner of the United States in spying on Malaysia and Indonesia.

One Singaporean, Hen Huai Yi, said: “Yah, spying for the US is definitely not as severe as hacking. This is because hacking is akin to terrorism as it endangers people’s lives.”

“Spying, on the other hand, will not cause people to die.”

Another Singaporean, Zhen Que De, said Singapore assisting US in spying is the right thing to do as Singapore can never be wrong: “If Singapore says hacking is akin to terrorism, then surely it is. And if Singapore helps spy on Malaysia, we cannot question this action, because we can’t.”

“It is definitely right.”

 

Also read:
Jaywalking akin to terrorism if it endangers lives

 

 

 

 

S’poreans help M’sia become the 10th most visited tourist destination

S’poreans help M’sia become the 10th most visited tourist destination

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In the world.

malaysia-tourism

The Malaysian prime minister Najib Razak is heartily congratulating himself as Malaysia is said to be the 10th most visited country.

This is according to the United Nations World Tourism Organisation.

However, Singaporeans have come out to thank the Malaysian prime minister for cheap petrol.

Pah Kah Song, a Singaporean, said: “Wah heng he never see my passport chop until siao! Later he prevent me from going to JB every weekend to pump petrol until song! And buy milk powder. “

Malaysia, Truly Asia: Hilarious happenings from their GE13

Malaysia, Truly Asia: Hilarious happenings from their GE13

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Thank god we separated from them in 1965.

Semi-professional election watchers in Singapore spent the whole Sunday night and the wee hours of Monday morning glued to “live” updates of Malaysia’s GE13 results.

And boy, are we glad we separated from them in 1965 to become our own sovereign country.

Because the action over there was nothing but hilarious.

Check it out for yourselves.

1. Citizen journalists in Malaysia claim to have photographic evidence of some dude carrying extra ballots to rig the vote tally.
GE13-01

2. And everywhere Malaysians turned, they walked into more bags carrying extra ballots.
GE13-05
GE13-06

3. Many polling stations experienced 10-minute blackouts. And suddenly, new boxes of ballots appeared out of nowhere.
GE13-02

4. I’m probably not getting this right, but one of the measures is for voters to have their finger painted blue and they proceed to dig their nose?
GE13-09
GE13-04

5. Two hours into counting the votes, ownself declare ownself win.
GE13-03

6. A whole bunch of other people getting themselves arrested.
GE13-07
GE13-08

Er is it just Singaporeans’ perspective or is there something very antediluvian about how things work up north?

That Effing Show – Indians also worthy of stereotypes

That Effing Show – Indians also worthy of stereotypes

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And the top Singapore celebrity on Facebook is…

And the top Singapore celebrity on Facebook is…

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The answer is not something you would totally expect.

By Terence Lee

WOULD you believe me if I told you that Malay actor Aaron Aziz is the most popular Singapore celebrity on Facebook, and that the runner-up is not even close?

I couldn’t believe my eyes either, but numbers don’t lie.

According to Famecount — a UK-based website that tracks the social media popularity of celebrities, brands, and icons — Aaron Aziz is the undisputed winner in the online popularity contest, weighing in at a staggering 874,471 fans.

By comparison, cutesy Chinese pop duo By2 has 374,425 fans, while — I hate to say this — politician Nicole Seah, in third place, has “only” 105,159 fans.

What about founding father Lee Kuan Yew, the modern architect of Singapore, without which the country would be a slum? A paltry 91,064 fans.

Looks like Aaron Aziz is a god in some quarters, although certainly not in my universe. In fact, he hardly registered in my mind at all, save for his starring role in local police drama Heartlanders.

My best guess is that his smokin’ good looks and acting chops must have won over many fans across the Causeway in Malaysia.

The adoration has even landed him a starring role in a Malaysian action film (aptly called KL Gangster) that makes the Singapore film industry look absolutely lame by comparison (see trailer):

Come to think of it, the notion of entertainers trumping all other personalities in Internet popularity isn’t new at all.

Lady Gaga (40 million fans) and Justin Bieber (32 million fans), for instance, totally put US President Barack Obama (22 million fans) to shame. Even if you add his wife Michelle, who has 6 million fans, the power duo would still not be able to withstand the wave of Bieber Fever infecting teenage minds everywhere.

That’s what a billion-dollar marketing campaign and a cool hairdo can do for you these days.