Actually yes. Because women of wife-material are socialised not to enjoy sex.
By Fang Shihan
This man's two wives are from the Obedient Wives Club. Clearly, he's one happy man.
It’s a question that women have been trying to untangle since the union of a couple became a legal institution: Do husbands cheat because their wives are bad in bed?
Recently disgraced New York congressman, Anthony Weiner, had his bulging crotch published over his twitter feed after he accidentally posted it to ‘everyone’ instead of ‘some chick he wanted to fap off to’.
Like all good politicians, he blamed it on a bogeyman – a hacker.
Former california governor Arnie went a step further, fathering a child with his housekeeper who looked like…well, an aging housekeeper. The fact that he kept it under wraps for 10 years, actually shows that he is not too bad an actor.
Closer to home, we’ve got Jack Neo and his never-quite-made-it model former girlfriend.
And an ancient rumour that was never confirmed of a local ex-CEO-of-a-government-linked-public-listed-company’s trysts with a woman in Australia.
The debate surrounding these controversies tend to revolve around two key themes: a) The husbands cheated because they were dicks or b) the wives were somehow not satisfying them sexually.
a) has been accepted as fact. The male species’ need for sex has been acknowledged as an instinct, not a desire, and is as crucial for their well-being as food. b) brings the onus of the relationship onto the wives who have to satisfy this uncompromising need.
Anthony weiner's...weiner, straight from the tweet.
Support groups like the BDSM-sounding “Obedient Wives Club” claim to train housewives to be better at sex than ‘first class prostitutes’, assuming that with their sexual urges satisfied, husbands will have no reason to look elsewhere but at home.
Sorry to break the news but blowjobs won’t be as fantastic if its just a call of duty. The crux of the problem doesn’t lie in sexual prowess but how both genders are socialised to regard sex as an unequal activity.
The enjoyment of coitus has long been a birth right of men, an instinct as base as eating or having a beer (halal or otherwise) on a hot sunny afternoon.
The male brain
Yet women who show signs of desiring sex are regarded as a quirk of nature or worse, promiscuous. On top of that, women who engage in pre-marital sex are more likely to be penalised compared to their male counterparts.
Thus, the average woman who’s been brought up to regard sex as a taboo topic will be far less experienced than her deviant, promiscuous counterparts, and most definitely less exposed to sex than the average male.
This is not to say that the average woman does not engage in pre-marital sex (please lah, 2011 already can?), but sex as a topic doesn’t typically make pub conversation for women, unlike men.
Even more so for women of marriageable material, also known as the Nice Girls you bring home to visit mum.
Conservative, respectable creatures, the institution of The Wife is a non-sexual one – a person who provides security, emotional commitment, raises the family, stabilises your life, and is probably someone that you’d take out to show off to your friends.
If she can f***, well that’s great. But the criterion for Wife and Pornstar hardly overlap.
In this context, women are structurally disadvantaged to cope with the myriad of fetishes and fantasies men have been accustomed to, thanks to the proliferation of free pornography and lack of societal inhibitions towards male sexual conquest.
Men therefore cheat on their companions partly because of unrealistic expectations of sex and partly because of the functional contradictions between The Wife and the woman they fap off to in the bathroom.
The latter, ranging from random women online or creatures ending with .jpg and .mpeg, tend to resemble temporary fantasies, summoned to satisfy a need and disposed of thereafter.
Yet men who cheat are by far the minority because the cost of losing a companion through infidelity is far greater than the temporary gratification of sexual release.
In any case, these urges can be satisficed with much lower risk at hand (pun totally intended).
Even women who manage to master the elusive art of being a nun in public and a whore in bed isn’t spared from potential infidelity.
The terminator standing beside Emmy-award winning producer and best selling author of 6 books Maria Shriver. Hawt?
Take the classic case of Arnie vs. Maria Shriver for instance – wife hot? Check. Respectable in public? Check. Husband cheated? Check.
And with a fugly woman no less.
Could Baena possibly be better than Shriver in bed? Maybe. But the sexual attraction lay more in her adulation with Mr. Terminator and the ego-stoking he got from it, than actual technical competency.
So in response to the question: Do husbands cheat because their wives suck in bed?
Yes. And is the Obedient Wives club the answer to it? Hell no.
Monogamy fails because of a mismatch of expectations. A woman enters an agreement to be The Wife and not The ‘Ho.
No matter how hard she tries, sex will never be as satisfying because she regards it as part of the ‘things a wife should do’ list. If she manages to be The Awesome Wife (‘ho package included), her men tend to develop self-esteem issues. So he’s still going to cheat.
What a bummer.
Arnie cheated on Maria Shriver with this woman.
But we’re all forgetting something here: Good sex is a core component of any stable relationship and the best sex only occurs when both parties are fully immersed in the activity.
If a woman regards the sexual satisfaction of her husband primarily as a call of duty, of course it’s going to suck.
So while wives are structurally disadvantaged when it comes to the technical nitty-gritty of sex, husbands have no such excuse.
Mutual enjoyment is the key to motivating both parties to be better at anything, including mastering the Kama Sutra.
And voila, that solves both the problems of women being lousy at it, and men suffering from the lack of it.
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