Tag Archive | "Laneway"

Parliament passes hipster control bill, patronising pretentious cafes to be made illegal

Parliament passes hipster control bill, patronising pretentious cafes to be made illegal

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No more sale of brunch during brunch hours.

By Antisera


Following Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s outcry about the mess left behind by hipsters at the Laneway Festival 2015 held at Gardens By The Bay on Jan. 24, 2015, parliament has passed a bill in response to ban brunch food in Hipster Control Zones.

These include Jalan Besar, Tiong Bahru and Haji Lane, areas densely populated with hipster cafes.

PM Lee’s call for a “truly clean city” on Jan. 28 motivated a search for the root cause of public littering in Gardens by the Bay.

The source of the littering — reportedly detected through routine data analyses of Instagram hashtags — was found to be hipsters, a subdomain of people that has been growing in size in Singapore who are founded by a culture built upon asserting music supremacy, sustaining the sales of overpriced lattes and most recently, flippant littering.


The Hipster Control Bill will ban the sales of hipster brunch food by cafes between 10am to 5pm island-wide.

According to a MP who tabled the motion to discuss the piece of legislation, the bill is primarily aimed at hipsters and serves to minimise public disturbance in the form of littering, incessant DSLR photo-taking, and the obnoxious blasting of songs by universally popular obscure bands, all of which has greatly risen in occurrences since 2011.

Mixed reactions have been sparked off by the new law.

A supporter of the bill, Pin Fan Ren, said: “This ban is good. If I cannot drink my Tiger after 10.30pm, then they also cannot drink their latte before 2pm.”

“Don’t like anything, just ban. Like that then fair.”

On the other hand, the bill has been accused by some as a blunt instrument that compromises the freedom of non-hipsters.

Bu Kong Pin, a heartlander, said: “Now I cannot eat my Ya Kun eggs and drink Teh-O at 11am anymore.”

“I also never anyhow throw! How come cannot just ban hipsters only?”

However, cafes said they are not significantly concerned about dips in revenue with the passing of the Hipster Control Bill.

One cafe owner explains: “This won’t be a problem at all. In fact, I think the government forgot one important part of the cafe scene… We have All Day Breakfasts.”

The bill will come into effect in early March.


Singapore hipsters complain:

Indie Laneway Festival 2015 fails yet again after attracting 13,000 mainstream people to attend






Indie music Laneway Festival 2014 deemed a failure after massive crowd attended

Indie music Laneway Festival 2014 deemed a failure after massive crowd attended

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Hipster festival deemed not hipster enough as a result.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Hipsters from all walks of life — mainly baristas and freelance designers — are pulling an even longer face and taking a longer drag on their cigarettes as they shake their heads in disapproval.

This after several thousand people were in attendance at this year’s St Jerome’s Laneway Festival on Jan. 25 held at The Meadow, Gardens By The Bay.

The thousands in attendance caused the indie hipster mood to sour as hipsters were expecting less than 100 non-mainstream people to show up.

One hipster, who wants to be know as Theodore XXGentrifiedYY Lim, said: “This year’s Laneway concert is an epic failure. There was just too many people. A hipster concert is only hipster if no one attends.”

“I did not pay hundreds of dollars to go to a festival that will attract so many other people. What is this? Metallica? That is so mainstream.”

Other hipsters said the indie spirit died the moment they saw Vance Joy scheduled to play as he alone already has about 1,000 fans worldwide.

Susan XOXO Capricious Tan, another concert-goer, said: “The organisers are to blame. They ought to know that an indie festival should at most cater to 30 fans. Artists like Vance Joy is too well-known already. Why is he even featured?”

For next year’s concert, hipsters hope the organiser will do a better job by encapsulating the indie hipster spirit.

They propose bringing in bands such as Catmangler and Thunderbolt Claptrap, two bands which are not mainstream at all as they have not even been formed yet.