Tag Archive | "Kim Jong Il"

Kim Jong Un wins 100% of popular vote

Kim Jong Un wins 100% of popular vote

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Puts other democratically elected leaders in Asia to shame

kim jong un

North Korea’s supremely overweight leader was re-elected to the supreme people’s assembly without a single dissenting vote in his district this week. Voters had two options on their ballot – to say Yes, or No – to another five years of rule by the kingdom’s most eligible bachelor. Despite there being no other candidate on the roster, voter turnout was at a 100%.

“North Korea has become an unprecedented example of how Asian democracy works,” said self-styled political pundit Eric de Yaya.

“There was no vote buying used, nor was there massive American-style wastage of time and resources during the campaign period. People voted for continued stability and the status quo – Kim Jong Il single handedly prevented a hurricane from destroying the country. No one else has such a proven track record.”

The victory of the young Kim Jong Un has put many of Asia’s leaders to shame. No other leader has won by a landslide 100% before and election watchers in Malaysia and Indonesia frequently report cases of vote buying in rural villages.

“Singapore should learn from North Korea. Why waste money on election sweeteners when you can intimidate your voters into acquiescence. If economic growth and stability is the end game for Asian democracies, trying to convince voters to take their bitter medicine – that is western style freedoms are only detrimental to the country’s overall standard of living – is futile.”

Kim Jong Il calls it a day at 69

Kim Jong Il calls it a day at 69

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A lasting, profound and penetrative psychological profile of the North Korean dictator is available online.

Kim Jong Il, the isolated dictator, is lonely.

A lover of exquisite cuisine. A penchant for cognac.

These are some of the known loves of one of the most despised leaders in our modern age.

But was Kim Jong Il being hypocritical for living an infamously lavish life while his people died of famine and unknowledge?

No, he was probably just lonely.

For some clue into his secretive, cult-derived life, a profound psychological profile of the isolated mad megalomaniac was realistically recreated in the 2004 epic big-budget puppet movie Team America: World Police, by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the makers of South Park.

The lingering theory so far as to why he is only dead now?

Kim had to wait until Christopher Hitchens – the polymathic, skilled author-rhetorician-belletrist – to pass away on Dec. 15, before he himself aced death.

Because if Hitchens was still alive, he would have torn Kim a new one with a scathing obituary piece, an exercise rendered on other dead leaders such as Ronald Regan. (For the record, Hitchens said Regan was not a fox nor a hedgehog, but as dumb as a stump.)

Besides, Kim just wouldn’t have been big enough a man to take it. Both metaphorically and literally.

Dr. Jerold Post, a former CIA psychologist who now heads the Political Psychology program at George Washington University, said “He’s 5-foot-2 and wears four-inch lifts in his shoes.”

Watch the profound profile of Kim Jong Il below:

Editor’s note: Ok, the truth is, Kim Jong Il, a film buff who owned a collection of movies, hated Team America so much because it made fun of him. So what did the dictator do? He asked the Czech Republic government to ban the movie. What a loser.

9 ways PAP can engage people online

9 ways PAP can engage people online

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The Government can manage a $200-billion-a-year economy, but keeps getting owned online. NewNation.sg shows the noobs how to do it right.

By Belmont Lay

Even Kim the meme gets in on The Internet

If you recall, at the opening of the 12th Parliament a couple of weeks ago, President Tony Tan was flummoxed in his maiden speech (which is actually written by the Government and read on behalf by the president) about how to go about using “the new media constructively“.

Note how lost the ruling elites really are when it comes to anything online: The moment Tony referred to “new media” as “the new media”, like how really old and out-of-touch people tend to refer to new, modern, contemporary things using the definite article as in “The Blackberry”, “The Facebook”, “The Zouk”, you know at once he and the potentate are clueless about what they are talking about. Read the full story

World’s worst baddies (dead and alive)

World’s worst baddies (dead and alive)

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These days, death is a fashionable must-have for dictators/terrorists/megalomaniacs of all sorts.

By Terence Lee

Darth Vader. Doctor Evil. Voldemort. Fiction and Hollywood are filled with great villains, but all of them pale in comparison to the real-life monsters we have in our midst. Together, these individuals are responsible for countless wars, and millions upon millions of innocent lives lost.

While some are captured and killed, others remain scot-free. Here, we take a short trip down memory lane and present you a totally unauthoritative list of the most evil villians ever.

#6 Muammar Gaddafi

If there’s an award for World’s Ugliest Baddie, he deserves it. Frog-faced Gaddafi was the autocratic ruler of Libya for over 40 years. His star power rose after he massacred thousands of civilians when they demanded that he step down from power.

His stubbornness and borderline insanity led to a civil war which lasted for months, and he has shown himself to be ruthless when it comes to putting civilians in harm’s way. He came perilously close to routing the rebels, but NATO’s intervention turned the tide of battle. Most recently, the rebels have reported that Gaddafi was shot and killed while trying to escape in a four-car convoy.

But while he scores points for his peacock-like fashion sense (probably compensating for his ugly face), he’s a noob when it comes to the PhD of villiany. His war with the rebels lasted for only a few months, and he was stupid for not escaping to neighboring countries when he had the chance. US President Obama must be really pleased.

#5 Kim Jong Il

Kim: "Can my cucumber be as big as this?"

Little known fact: Kim’s birth name was actually Yuri Irsenovich Kim. But more popularily known as Kim Jong Il, this shortie is a God amongst men. Revered as the Great Leader, he commands the respect of his brainwashed citizens, many of whom sing patriotic songs praising the Motherland.

This dude is ruthless. He commands the fourth largest standing army in the world, is ranked the 31st most powerful person by Forbes in 2010. He has no qualms about eliminating political rivals that stand in his way.

His propaganda is so potent that some North Koreans supposedly believe that he has a magical ability to change the weather. They even think that Kim is a global fashionista whose attire has set trends around the world. While that is a bit far out, he is somewhat of a cultural phenomena, having inspired a humor site and a YouTube video.

While he is very good at staying in power, he doesn’t have a lot of villainous deeds to be proud. He has a lot of bite but no bark. While he is good at hanging on to power, he did not start a war.

Unlike the next dude.

#4 Osama Bin Laden

The first virgin.

Ten years. That was how long it took to capture and kill him. His most famous act was of course 9/11, where he killed thousands of Americans. He was also the catalyst for two wars, one in Afghanistan and the other in Iraq. As the leader of terrorist network Al-Qaeda, he had a US$25 million bounty on his head —  enough to make 25 people millionaires.

Raised as a devout Muslim, he attended an elite theological school and may have even earned a degree of two. The brainy turbanator also did charity, enjoyed reading and writing poetry. He even plays soccer and was said to be a fan of Arsenal FC. New Nation spoke to a club spokesperson, and they won’t admit anything.

His crowning achievement, of course, was Al-Qaeda. He started the group in 1988, and slowly developed their version of jihad where the killing of innocent lives was permissible. He was responsible or involved in many terrorist operations throughout the 90s, which would become training exercises for the destruction of the Twin Towers.

But that singular act also proved to be his greatest downfall. Since he went for the jugular, Americans were outraged. They struck back, invaded Afghanistan, and sent Osama fleeing into the mountains. As brainy as he was, he failed to see that killing 1,000 people in 10 separate operations was much safer than killing 1,000 at once. And while he was foxy enough to evade capture for a decade, Obama eventually got Osama, found a stash of porn in his house, and discovered that he had a crush on Condoleezza Rice.

#3 Saddam Hussein

In the Facebook age, Saddam has been quickly forgotten. But as the former president of Iraq, he was responsible for the death of over 200,000 Kurdish people and other minorities. The mass killings happened from 1986 to 1989 as a decisive campaign against insurgency. Poison gas was used in cities, causing thousands of deaths. Many men accused of being rebels were sent to concentration camps where they faced the firing squad.

His hold on power, however, ended in 2003 when then US President George W. Bush invaded Iraq. He was eventually captured later the same year, tried in 2004, and executed in 2006 by hanging.

#2 George W. Bush

Seriously, you can’t get any more badass than former American President George W. Bush. This dude is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of two of his rival villians (Saddam and Osama). And while many credit President Obama for killing Osama, you cannot ignore the painstaking intelligence work that was conducted during Bush’s time.

He invented an excuse to get rid of Saddam, telling the whole world that Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction, ie the Nuclear Bomb. As if to prove his macho-ness, he invaded Iraq without telling the other world leaders, effectively showing them the middle finger. And guess what? No nuclear devices were found. Zilch. Nada. And the World Leader was left red-faced.

He effectively sent thousands of patriotic American troops to a totally unnecessary war, causing unneeded casualties, widowed women, and fatherless children.

Either he was incredibly stupid, or hungry for oil.

And while he was busy inspecting troops in foreign lands, the US economy was suffering. A classic misstep: He instituted tax cuts while spending trillions of dollars on two war fronts.

But are his exploits enough to place him in the number two spot? Yes, because he got away scot free. He eased off into retirement, writing books and giving speeches. Only in the Land of the Free can that happen.

#1 Adolf Hitler

As evil (and clueless) as George Bush was, even he cannot match most devious character in human history — Adolf Hitler. Not much needs to be said about him, because plenty is  known. He wiped out 6 million Jews off the face of the Planet (and probably 10 Einsteins amongst them). Indirectly, he was responsible for killing over 60 million people, just for starting World War 2.

But if you think that’s the total extent of his impact, you’re wrong. While killing of Jews was horrifying in itself, it resulted in a revolt against Anti-Semitism which eventually led to the creation of the state of Israel.

His legacy is still evident today. On YouTube, he’s the inspiration behind countless parody videos, which altogether accumulated billions of pageviews.

Also, no sane parent would ever name their children ‘Adolf’ or ‘Hitler’.

That is why he is the number one baddie of all time.

Image credits: iluvuflickr, Marion Doss, Amir Farshad Ebrahimi

North Korea’s cinema of dreams

North Korea’s cinema of dreams

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