Tag Archive | "Khaw Boon Wan"

S’poreans apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for causing his NEL to spoil, make him lose his way

S’poreans apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for causing his NEL to spoil, make him lose his way

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They are truly sorry for causing him so much pain and suffering as Transport Minister already.

khaw-boon-wan-lost

Singaporeans from all walks of life who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, have come out to publicly apologise to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after they caused the North East MRT Line to break down again this Tuesday morning during peak hour as everyone got ready for work and school at the same time at around 8am.

One Singaporean, Jin Soh Lee, said he would like to personally apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for causing him inconvenience: “I’m sorry Minister Khaw Boon Wan. I caused your MRT system to break down even before you had time to warm up your Transport Minister seat in Parliament.”

“Please forgive me and my fellow commuters for making you work harder to oversee that there is no more train faults even when all of these problems are not your fault.”

Other Singaporeans, who are even more apologetic and guilt-ridden, said they are to blame for causing Minister Khaw to take the wrong train and ending his honeymoon period in the transport ministry so abruptly.

This after he posted on the morning of the NEL breakdown that he had taken the wrong train on the Circle Line as he had many things on his mind.

Another Singaporean, Zhen Bao Qian, went beyond apologising and insisted on doing more on his part to ensure Khaw Boon Wan will never be inconvenienced again since 70 percent of people voted for this: “Therefore, as Singaporeans, we must stop taking public transport altogether so that the train will never ever break down again.”

“And Minister Khaw Boon Wan will never have any more problems on his mind causing him to take the wrong train.”

“Furthermore, if Singaporeans everywhere stopped taking the MRT, Khaw Boon Wan will have the entire train to himself when he takes it.”

“Sorry, Khaw Boon Wan.”

 

 

 

 

 









S’poreans react to transport minister Khaw Boon Wan requesting S’poreans to cheer when MRT breaks down

S’poreans react to transport minister Khaw Boon Wan requesting S’poreans to cheer when MRT breaks down

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

khaw-boon-wan-cheer-mrt

Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan wrote on his blog on Oct. 9 that Singapore’s MRT system must strive to be as good as Hong Kong’s MTR system.

He also wrote that Singaporeans should be “mentally prepared” for disruptions, noting that the MTR faces a major disruption on average once a month.

However, he hopes Singaporeans will cheer those working in public transport sector on whenever there is a breakdown, because the natural thing to do is to also cheer our athletes on even when they lose.

 

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “The demands made on Singapore citizens are increasing by the day.”
Shou Bu Leow, 46-year-old seamstress

 

sian-half-uncle “When athletes lose, the cheering spectators will still be stranded for hours because the MRT broke down and they cannot go home.”
Bu Hui Jia, 64-year-old station cleaner

 

happy-bird-girl “I should also cheer each time Khaw Boon Wan gets a ministerial pay raise even though I hate it.”
Tan Tua Lui, 19-year-old gold chocolate coin maker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to Khaw Boon Wan taking MRT as Transport Minister

S’poreans react to Khaw Boon Wan taking MRT as Transport Minister

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

khaw-boon-wan-take-train

New transport minister Khaw Boon Wan posted a photo of himself taking the MRT on his Facebook page.

He wrote:

I live near Ang Mo Kio. Yesterday I drove to work. This morning, I took the Circle Line. Time taken: same. I am visiting Land Transport Authority – We Keep Your World Moving‘s Operation Centre later today. How? CCL + NEL. No problem!

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “Him taking MRT is a once every 50 years event. Just like SG50.”
Pian Lang, 45-year-old train station cleaner

 

sian-half-uncle “More should be done to encourage him to take the MRT during peak hour in the morning and evening.”
Hen Duo Ren, 63-year-old survey response collector

 

happy-bird-girl “It would be a miracle if he took the train daily without putting up a photo on Facebook.”
Jiang Zhen De, 17-year-old student

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans encourage Henry Thia to differentiate himself from Khaw Boon Wan

S’poreans encourage Henry Thia to differentiate himself from Khaw Boon Wan

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Not nice to be mistaken and asked to commit hara-kiri all the time.

khaw-boon-wan-henry-thia

Singaporeans from all walks of life who have the welfare of others in their hearts, have come out to encourage local actor Henry Thia to find ways to differentiate himself from new Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Minister Khaw, who bears an uncanny resemblance to the local actor also known as Hui Ge, was previously put on 24-hour suicide watch surveillance as many Singaporeans have been encouraging him to commit suicide.

One Singaporean, See Baey Suay, said: “This is really for Henry Thia’s own good.”

“Henry Thia is an innocent party. I wouldn’t feel good being mistaken for Khaw Boon Wan all the time and people approaching me out of the blue to ask me to commit suicide.”

However, other Singaporeans said this might be a blessing in disguise.

Kee Zho Hee, another local, said: “Maybe this just might all be a good thing. It could very well be Khaw Boon Wan’s exit from politics.”

“He can join show biz and be Hui Ge’s double.”

“Since they are both professionally hilarious.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans congratulate Khaw Boon Wan on his impending retirement

S’poreans congratulate Khaw Boon Wan on his impending retirement

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This is his final stretch.

khaw-boon-wan-transport-minister

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are fans of television star Henry Thia, have come out to congratulate Khaw Boon Wan on his impending retirement.

This after he was announced as the new Transport Minister in the latest Cabinet reshuffle.

One Singaporean, Tui Siew Leow, said Khaw fits the role of Transport Minister very well given his popularity: “It is a good idea to pair the job scope according to the popularity of the PAP politician.”

“As you can tell, the transport ministry would suit Khaw Boon Wan very well.”

“We’d hate to see him go.”

“As if.”

Other Singaporeans who were quick to come out to congratulate him on his win, said the role would be for the best interests of Singaporeans.

Jin Jiao Au, another local, said: “It is an honour for him to serve in the transport ministry as he is in politics for the long term.”

“Long term meaning about five years, since it has been said that a day in politics is a long time.”

“Five years would then be a long enough time.”

At press time, Singaporeans heard Lim Swee Say say “Heng ah”.

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans notice BreadTalk management board have not committed hara-kiri for lapses

S’poreans notice BreadTalk management board have not committed hara-kiri for lapses

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Failure to kill themselves can be traced to Khaw Boon Wan’s failure to kill himself because of lapses.

breadtalk-shop

Singaporeans from all walks of life who are attentive to current affairs have noted down in their dairies that the management at BreadTalk have not committed hara-kiri for causing lapses to occur.

This after BreadTalk was caught red-handed repackaging Yeo’s soya bean milk into bottles and then selling them at a much higher price in their shops island-wide.

This has caused Singaporeans to come out to say that BreadTalk management’s inaction in the face of such glaring lapses is actually characteristic of PAP’s and National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan’s inaction in the face of glaring lapses.

One Singaporean, Qu Zhi Sha, said: “BreadTalk management should have taken their own lives immediately once their lapses were discovered because Minister Khaw said kill yourself because of lapses.”

“But so far, they have done nothing. And this is actually characteristic of PAP and Minister Khaw in general.”

“As a proponent of hara-kiri as a way of atonement and taking responsibility, Minister Khaw should have also just gone ahead and committed hara-kiri without delay when lapses were discovered in his Sembawang GRC.”

“Is it really so difficult for PAP leaders to lead by example?”

“However, we all can tell that this is characteristic of them. They like to say one thing and do another.”

“For example, they like to tell Singaporeans to raise productivity. But do PAP MPs raise their own productivity?”

“And they like to tell Singaporeans to be more comfortable with competition from foreigners. But do PAP MPs face competition from foreigners too?”

“The last time I checked, only Singaporeans are allowed to run for parliament.”

At press time, Singaporeans said they are willing to lend their knives from their homes for the BreadTalk management to use.

 

 

 

 

 









Henry Thia stars as Khaw Boon Wan in Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical

Henry Thia stars as Khaw Boon Wan in Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical

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Musical is based on a half-true story about a Singaporean politician who made good by committing hara-kiri.

khaw-boon-wan-the-musical

Singaporeans from all walks of life who like to watch political theatre can now look forward to a brand new musical production, Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical.

Based on a true story, the show would chart the life story of Minister Khaw Boon Wan, which is a tale of resilience as it strives to portray how a politician refused to bow to public pressure to kill himself.

However, some details of the plot had to be changed to make it more palatable for a paying audience.

Composer and director of the musical, Prick Lee, who has helmed award-winning shows such as French Fries Paradise, said: “We had to embellish the ending though. If we remember correctly, the true story somewhat ended on a low note: The politician didn’t commit suicide.”

“We tried out the pilot run for the show where the politician lived and it failed badly with the test audience. They feedback that the ending was a letdown as the politician lived to tell the tale.”

“So, for this musical, we not only made sure the politician commit hara-kiri on stage by falling on a knife to bring the story to its logical conclusion, the plot has the politician kill himself live on YouTube to a streaming audience worldwide who get to witness the viral demise first-hand.”

“It will bring the audience to a cathartic ending, so people who pay $120 and upwards for a ticket will leave the theatre feeling like they got something positive out of the experience.”

Critics have submitted advance praise for the musical. Calling it “painfully cutting (pun intended)”, they singled out lead actor Henry Thia, a.k.a. Hui Ge, for his career-defining role as Minister Khaw.

Thia, speaking to the media, said: “This has got to be one of the toughest roles in my life. I had to constantly override my human nature to be good and beneficial to others and focus on being a politician.”

“Being an actor, I only had to act. But being a politician meant I had to act like my life depended on it. It’s not easy even for a professional actor like me.”

“Moreover, I had to learn to say things with a straight face, lie with my eyes open and train my body to physically portray the cognitive dissonance that is going on in my mind whenever I speak.”

“For example, I had to say things like, ‘People need to hara-kiri for lapses’ and then proceed not to commit suicide.”

“My years in showbiz didn’t even prepare me to be 10 percent politician.”

Audiences were also full of praise from the matinee preview.

One audience member, Kwa Teo Kwee, said: “It’s almost as if I am watching Khaw Boon Wan on stage for a minute there.”

“The resemblance is uncanny.”

 

 

 

 

 











Henry Thia to star as Khaw Boon Wan in Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical

Henry Thia to star as Khaw Boon Wan in Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical

Tags: , , ,


Musical is based on a half-true story about a Singaporean politician who made good by committing hara-kiri.

khaw-boon-wan-the-musical

Singaporeans from all walks of life who like to watch political theatre can now look forward to a brand new musical production, Khaw Boon Wan: The Musical.

Based on a true story, the show would chart the life story of Minister Khaw Boon Wan, which is a tale of resilience as it strives to portray how a politician refused to bow to public pressure to kill himself.

However, some details of the plot had to be changed to make it more palatable for a paying audience.

Composer and director of the musical, Prick Lee, who has helmed award-winning shows such as French Fries Paradise, said: “We had to embellish the ending though. If we remember correctly, the true story somewhat ended on a low note: The politician didn’t commit suicide.”

“We tried out the pilot run for the show where the politician lived and it failed badly with the test audience. They feedback that the ending was a letdown as the politician lived to tell the tale.”

“So, for this musical, we not only made sure the politician commit hara-kiri on stage by falling on a knife to bring the story to its logical conclusion, the plot has the politician kill himself live on YouTube to a streaming audience worldwide who get to witness the viral demise first-hand.”

“It will bring the audience to a cathartic ending, so people who pay $120 and upwards for a ticket will leave the theatre feeling like they got something positive out of the experience.”

Critics have submitted advance praise for the musical. Calling it “painfully cutting (pun intended)”, they singled out lead actor Henry Thia, a.k.a. Hui Ge, for his career-defining role as Minister Khaw.

Thia, speaking to the media, said: “This has got to be one of the toughest roles in my life. I had to constantly override my human nature to be good and beneficial to others and focus on being a politician.”

“Being an actor, I only had to act. But being a politician meant I had to act like my life depended on it. It’s not easy even for a professional actor like me.”

“Moreover, I had to learn to say things with a straight face, lie with my eyes open and train my body to physically portray the cognitive dissonance that is going on in my mind whenever I speak.”

“For example, I had to say things like, ‘People need to hara-kiri for lapses’ and then proceed not to commit suicide.”

“My years in showbiz didn’t even prepare me to be 10 percent politician.”

Audiences were also full of praise from the matinee preview.

One audience member, Kwa Teo Kwee, said: “It’s almost as if I am watching Khaw Boon Wan on stage for a minute there.”

“The resemblance is uncanny.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans urge Henry Thia to differentiate himself from Khaw Boon Wan

S’poreans urge Henry Thia to differentiate himself from Khaw Boon Wan

Tags: , ,


Not nice to be mistaken and asked to commit hara-kiri all the time.

khaw-boon-wan-henry-thia

Singaporeans from all walks of life who have the welfare of others in their hearts, have come out to urge local actor Henry Thia to find ways to differentiate himself from National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after the local actor, who is also known as Hui Ge, bears an uncanny resemblance to Minister Khaw who has been put on 24-hour suicide watch surveillance and with many Singaporeans encouraging him to commit suicide.

One Singaporean, See Baey Suay, said: “This is really for his own good.”

“Henry Thia is an innocent party. I wouldn’t feel good being mistaken for Khaw Boon Wan all the time and people approaching me out of the blue to ask me to commit suicide.”

However, other Singaporeans said this might be a blessing in disguise.

Kee Zho Hee, another local, said: “Maybe this just might all be a good thing. It could very well be Khaw Boon Wan’s exit from politics.”

“He can join show biz and be Hui Ge’s double.”

“Since they are both professionally hilarious.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans notice Khaw Boon Wan still alive

S’poreans notice Khaw Boon Wan still alive

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This is characteristic of PAP’s “say one thing, do another thing” behaviour.

khaw-boon-wan-pray

Singaporeans from all walks of life who are attentive to current affairs have noted down in their dairies that National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan is still alive.

This after Minister Khaw should have ended his own life when it was discovered that a Citizens’ Consultative Committees chairman from Admiralty CCC, which comes under the purview of the minister as he is the MP for Sembawang GRC, was found by the Auditor-General’s Office to have approved his own claims totalling S$114,767, in some instances, without supporting documents.

This has caused Singaporeans to come out to say that Minister’s inaction in the face of such glaring lapses is actually characteristic of PAP in general.

One Singaporean, Qu Zhi Sha, said: “As a proponent of hara-kiri as a way of atonement and taking responsibility for lapses, Minister Khaw should have just gone ahead with it without delay.”

“Is it really so difficult for PAP leaders to lead by example?”

“However, we all can tell that this is characteristic of them. They like to say one thing and do another.”

“For example, they like to tell Singaporeans to raise productivity. But do PAP MPs raise their own productivity?”

“And they like to tell Singaporeans to be more comfortable with competition from foreigners. But do PAP MPs face competition from foreigners too?”

“The last time I checked, only Singaporeans are allowed to run for parliament.”

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans put Khaw Boon Wan on 24-hour suicide watch surveillance

S’poreans put Khaw Boon Wan on 24-hour suicide watch surveillance

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They wait with bated breath.

khaw-boon-wan-hara-kiri

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe in taking responsibility for one’s lapses, are waiting with bated breath for National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan to perform hara-kiri.

This after a Citizens’ Consultative Committees chairman from Admiralty CCC was found by the Auditor-General’s Office to have approved his own claims totalling S$114,767, in some instances, without supporting documents.

The grassroots leader comes under the purview of Khaw Boon Wan as he is the MP for Sembawang GRC.

One Singaporean, Mai Tu Leow, said Minister Khaw has no choice but to commit hara-kiri now: “Wasn’t he the one who said people who caused lapses to occur must commit suicide via hara-kiri as a matter of atonement and accepting responsibility for failure?”

“We should put him on 24-hour suicide watch surveillance then.”

Other Singaporeans said they are willing to sponsor the sword.

Another local, Pah Lang Toh, said adhering to the hara-kiri tradition is necessary to uphold moral values in Singapore: “Now, now, now, now, now, now.”

“And why no other ministers come out and say this is ‘fraud’ and ‘criminal activity’? Where is all the jumping up and down proclaiming righteous indignation?”

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan to stay in HDB flat for 5 years as part of National Service call-up

Khaw Boon Wan to stay in HDB flat for 5 years as part of National Service call-up

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Lower-income heartland Singaporeans look forward to mingling with him.

khaw-boon-wan-bak-chang

A National Service call-up notification alert has been sent National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after he said on MediaCorp’s Chinese-language station Capital 95.8FM for a live radio talk show on June 23, 2015, that staying in a HDB flat for five years is like males serving NS for two years, which will help nation-building and interaction with the community.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, particularly those who have served NS for two years and who are staying in HDB flats all their lives, said they are excited to hear this news.

One Singaporean, Cheng Hu Chu, said: “I have been serving NS my whole life. In fact, I have served NS twice: Once when I enlisted when I was 18 years old and since young I have been staying in a HDB flat ever since.”

“So that means I’ve done my reservist training twice also, in this case.”

“It is great to see ministers move into HDB flats and serve NS with regular Singaporeans side-by-side and interact with the community.”

“Or else, ministers will not understand what commoners go through in their daily lives because Bukit Timah bungalows don’t offer this kind of perspectives.”

“I hope to see more PAP ministers go for NS soon, in particular, Lee Hsien Loong.”

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan receives National Service call-up, to stay in HDB flat for 5 years

Khaw Boon Wan receives National Service call-up, to stay in HDB flat for 5 years

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This will help him mingle with lower-income heartland Singaporeans.

khaw-boon-wan-bak-chang

National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan has received his National Service call-up notification.

This after he said on MediaCorp’s Chinese-language station Capital 95.8FM for a live radio talk show on June 23, 2015, that staying in a HDB flat for five years is like males serving NS for two years, which will help nation-building and interaction with the community.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, particularly those who have served NS for two years and who are staying in HDB flats all their lives, said they are excited to hear this news.

One Singaporean, Cheng Hu Chu, said: “I have been serving NS my whole life. In fact, I have served NS twice: Once when I enlisted when I was 18 years old and since young I have been staying in a HDB flat ever since.”

“So that means I’ve done my reservist training twice also, in this case.”

“It is great to see ministers move into HDB flats and serve NS with regular Singaporeans side-by-side and interact with the community.”

“Or else, ministers will not understand what commoners go through in their daily lives because Bukit Timah bungalows don’t offer this kind of perspectives.”

“I hope to see more PAP ministers go for NS soon, in particular, Lee Hsien Loong.”

 

Khaw Boon Wan is an excellent speaker:

S’poreans agree with Khaw Boon Wan: ‘We can’t remember the last time anyone used religion to make money’

Numerous PAP MPs put on 24-hour suicide watch after Khaw Boon Wan said commit suicide because of lapses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw knows best: PAP calls Workers’ Party ‘arrogant’ because it takes one to know one

Khaw knows best: PAP calls Workers’ Party ‘arrogant’ because it takes one to know one

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PAP also said Workers’ Party is “in denial”.

khaw-pap-arrogant

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe that it takes one to know one, said kudos to the PAP for finally acknowledging that their own party is “arrogant” and “in denial”.

This after National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan said in parliament after a two-day debate in February on the audit findings on Aljunied-Hougang-Punggol East Town Council (AHPETC) that the Workers’ Party is “arrogant” and “in denial”.

One Singaporean, Hen Xiao Zhang, said it definitely takes one to know one: “I applaud Minister Khaw’s efforts to recognise the attributes of the PAP and publicly admit that his own party is a terrible front-facing party to begin with.”

“It is only in that spirit he can criticise others.”

Other Singaporeans said double standards aside, it is hard for anyone to be open in parliament if everyone really thinks about it.

Another Singaporean, Zhao Jing Zi, said any attempts at holding up the mirror and taking a good hard look at oneself is necessary from time to time, especially with the next General Election coming up: “It is very difficult to tell other people to be accountable when you yourself is not very accountable and open to criticism and debate.”

“Do you remember the debate about CPF, casinos or sovereign wealth funds?”

“No, me neither. Because there was none.”

 

 

 

 

 





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