Tag Archive | "Khaw Boon Wan"

S’poreans notice Khaw Boon Wan still alive

S’poreans notice Khaw Boon Wan still alive

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This is characteristic of PAP’s “say one thing, do another thing” behaviour.

khaw-boon-wan-alive



Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are attentive to current affairs, have noted down in their dairies that Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan is still alive.

This after Minister Khaw should have ended his own life when he held a press conference with SMRT to admit that they caused the Bishan MRT tunnel to flood because irresponsible.

This has caused Singaporeans to come out to say that Minister Khaw’s inaction in the face of such glaring lapses is actually characteristic of PAP in general.

One Singaporean, Qu Zhi Sha, said: “As a proponent of hara-kiri as a way of atonement and taking responsibility for lapses, Minister Khaw should have just gone ahead with it without delay.”

“Is it really so difficult for PAP leaders to lead by example?”

“However, we all can tell that this is characteristic of them. They like to say one thing and do another.”

“For example, they like to tell Singaporeans to raise productivity. But do PAP MPs raise their own productivity?”

“And they like to tell Singaporeans to be more comfortable with competition from foreigners. But do PAP MPs face competition from foreigners too?”

“The last time I checked, only Singaporeans are allowed to run for parliament.”

 

 





S’poreans assure Khaw Boon Wan train breakdown reports are fake news

S’poreans assure Khaw Boon Wan train breakdown reports are fake news

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All these mainstream media reports and social media posts are fake news.

o-level-students-apologise-khaw-boon-wanfake-news



Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, have come out to assure Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan everything is okay.

This after Khaw previously eviscerated the mainstream media in Singapore for playing up the MRT system down times and making it appear that thousands of Singaporeans were inconvenienced and negatively affected as public transport services ground to a snail’s pace.

One Singaporean, Hong Gan Leow, said: “No worries, Minister Khaw Boon Wan. All the mainstream media reports you are seeing now are fake news.”

“Do not be influenced by these negative reports of how the extended travelling time is one hour and the stations are crowded with people during peak hour.”

“Everything is normal and okay. No problem.”

Other locals said any reports about congestion and overcrowded conditions can be dismissed as fake news and are inaccurate.

Another local, Pian Lang, said: “Minister Khaw, do not be easily swayed by these irresponsible media reports of thousands of Singaporeans being affected at the same time as they struggle to go home or go out on a Friday night.”

“Who can be right in this instance? Thousands of Singaporeans witnessing the breakdown at the same time or you?”

“Without a doubt, of course it is you.”

“You can never be wrong.”

“Don’t be lied to by these irresponsible people and fake media.”

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan is the greatest man in S’pore

Khaw Boon Wan is the greatest man in S’pore

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MRT system is the greatest thing on the planet.

khaw-boon-wan-greatest

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are sorry they did not support Khaw Boon Wan enough by believing the alarmist media, are prostrating with their heads to the ground and arms outstretched in apology.

This after the Singapore media wrote critical articles saying the MRT system is increasingly shit, which hurt Khaw Boon Wan’s feelings.

As atonement, Singaporeans are now praising Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT as the best things ever.

One Singaporean, Zuo Ai, said: “Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT system in Singapore are the best.”

“They are better than sex or striking lottery.”

“I will give up 10 years of my life just to meet Khaw Boon Wan face to face and ride the MRT with him.”

Other locals gave even more effusive praise to Khaw Boon Wan and the MRT system so as to make them feel good once again.

Another local, Poh Lan Pah, said: “We must not criticise Khaw Boon Wan or the MRT system in Singapore anymore.”

“They can do no wrong.”

“Everything that is negative about the MRT reported in the media is fake.”

“Vote PAP forever. Lee Kuan Yew is god.”

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan & Henry Thia merged

Khaw Boon Wan & Henry Thia merged

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This will bring about greater economies of scale.

khaw-boon-wan-henry-thia-merged

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who watch mergers happen before their eyes with amazement, are cheering loudly in approval.

This after Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan and Acting Minister Henry Thia merged.

This occurred after eight junior colleges announced they were merging to achieve greater economies of scale.

One Singaporean, Er Bian Yee, said: “Allowing the Transport Minister and Acting Minister to merge will bring about greater economies of scale as well.”

“Instead of two ministers, now there is just one who can do the jobs.”

“Save money.”

Other locals said anything that can be merged in Singapore must be merged, or else, there will be waste because waste is bad.

Another local, Jiang Seow Hua, said: “There is not much difference between the public transport system and a joke sometimes.”

“That’s why they also merged.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Output-based pricing makes ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

Output-based pricing makes ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

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Singaporeans respond to Khaw who said distance-based ERP system is fairer.

erp-gantry-pricing-khaw

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe in harnessing technology since it is available and that people should be paid according to talent, have come up with a response to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Khaw said the upcoming distance-based pricing will make ERP system fairer as it will allow the implementation of charges according to distance travelled.

One Singaporean, Hua Tua Qia, said he fully supports this idea as technology should be harnessed to make things more efficient and fair: “Singapore also needs to start paying ministers according to work done and compensating them according to problems solved, or at least pegging their salaries according to their IQs.”

“At the very least, ministers should be paid according to how many lives in Singapore they have made better.”

“Going by this logic, Tharman will get about S$3 million a year, Lee Hsien Loong maybe about $10,000 and Khaw Boon Wan owes all Singaporeans money.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan thought about Josephine Teo’s ‘You need a very small space to have sex’ comment on MRT

Khaw Boon Wan thought about Josephine Teo’s ‘You need a very small space to have sex’ comment on MRT

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He was reminded of it because there is very small space on the train.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, said they were appalled by Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan’s line of thinking while he was taking the MRT on Oct. 18.

This after they said he looked like he was clearly titillated by the thought of Senior Minister of State Josephine Teo’s, “You need a very small space to have sex” comment, as he stood there in the train carriage wrapped up deep in his own world in claustrophobic conditions.

One commuter, Shuo Gan, said: “I felt violated just looking at someone who was thinking like that.”

“He must have been thinking to himself, ‘Mmm, there is really not much space on the MRT.”

“One only needs a very small space. Mmm.”

However, other locals said they are heartened by the sight of the transport minister riding the MRT with the plebeians.

Shen Jing Pin, another local, said: “It’s great he finally gets to experience how ridiculous his colleague Josephine Teo’s comment sounds.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Khaw Boon Wan takes out diary, scribbles furiously: ‘100 days start today’

Khaw Boon Wan takes out diary, scribbles furiously: ‘100 days start today’

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Four-day disruption-free streak broken by massive MRT power fault.

khaw-boon-wan-diary

Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan took out his pocket diary from his breast pocket and flipped to a page somewhere in the middle.

Witnesses said he was seen scribbling quite furiously into the page marked out with today’s date, April 25: “100 days start today.”

This after both the North-South and East-West lines went down simultaneously in the evening on Monday, April 25, due to a power fault.

Sources close to the scene said he then tore out the previous few pages in the diary and threw it into the litter bin, before muttering something under his breath: “96 more days to 100 days.”

“So close.”

The last train disruption was on April 21, two days after Minister Khaw said the North-South Line achieved 100 days without any major incident and was on track to better reliability.

At press time, Minister Khaw was seen excusing himself from the crowd as he closed his eyes, bit his lips and held back tears for jinxing it.

 

 

 

 

 





Output-based pricing will make ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

Output-based pricing will make ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

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Singaporeans respond to Khaw who said distance-based ERP system is fairer.

erp-gantry-pricing-khaw

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe in harnessing technology since it is available and that people should be paid according to talent, have come up with a response to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Khaw said the upcoming distance-based pricing will make ERP system fairer as it will allow the implementation of charges according to distance travelled.

One Singaporean, Hua Tua Qia, said he fully supports this idea as technology should be harnessed to make things more efficient and fair: “Singapore also needs to start paying ministers according to work done and compensating them according to problems solved, or at least pegging their salaries according to their IQs.”

“At the very least, ministers should be paid according to how many lives in Singapore they have made better.”

“Going by this logic, Tharman will get about S$3 million a year, Lee Hsien Loong maybe about $10,000 and Khaw Boon Wan owes all Singaporeans money.”

Letting motorists pay with Majulahs will show Majulahs are valuable.

Posted by We Are Kanina on Tuesday, March 15, 2016

 

 

 

 

 











Khaw Boon Wan completes ICT high-key cycle after he took Circle Line MRT in morning

Khaw Boon Wan completes ICT high-key cycle after he took Circle Line MRT in morning

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Staying in HDB is like going for National Service, Khaw previously said.

Top photo stolen from here

Top photo stolen from here

Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan has completed one ICT high-key cycle this morning.

This after he received his National Service call-up notification to take the MRT Circle Line with regular Singaporeans from all walks of life.

Khaw had said on MediaCorp’s Chinese-language station Capital 95.8FM live radio talk show in June 2015 that staying in a HDB flat for five years is like males serving NS for two years, which will help nation-building and interaction with the community.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, particularly those who have served NS for two years and who are staying in HDB flats all their lives, said they are excited to see Khaw on an MRT train.

One Singaporean, Cheng Hu Chu, said: “I have been serving NS my whole life. In fact, I have served NS twice: Once when I enlisted when I was 18 years old and I have been staying in a HDB flat ever since.”

“So that means I’ve done my reservist training twice also, in this case.”

“It is great to see ministers move into HDB flats, take MRT and serve NS with regular Singaporeans side-by-side and interact with the community.”

“Or else, ministers will not understand what commoners go through in their daily lives.”

“Because Bukit Timah bungalows don’t offer this kind of perspectives.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans praise Khaw Boon Wan for taking tips from Lui Tuck Yew on how to step down

S’poreans praise Khaw Boon Wan for taking tips from Lui Tuck Yew on how to step down

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A step in the right direction as he hasn’t committed hara-kiri yet.

lui-tuck-yew-khaw-boon-wan

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to see other people take the initiative, have come out to praise Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Minister Khaw posted a photo of him and Lui Tuck Yew together on Facebook.

One Singaporean, Tui Siew, said Minister Khaw is doing the right thing by learning from Lui Tuck Yew on how to step down: “This is a good sign. It shows that Khaw Boon Wan is stepping down as Transport Minister and learning the finer points on how to do it.”

Other Singaporeans who saw the photo said they believe Minister Khaw might have to take a few more lessons as he is not very good with following instructions.

Another local, Zi Sha, said: “The last time Minister Khaw Boon Wan said if you did something wrong, you must come out to admit your mistake publicly and commit hara-kiri.”

“But he did not even follow his own advice.”

“I hope he can meet with Lui Tuck Yew more often.”

“This will help speed up the process.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans shocked Henry Thia & Khaw Boon Wan are two different people

S’poreans shocked Henry Thia & Khaw Boon Wan are two different people

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Their entire lives have collapsed as they slowly come to their senses and a new awakening.

khaw-boon-wan-is-hui-ge

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have never doubted their senses, are in a state of deep shock.

This after they saw a photo showing actor-comedian Henry Thia posing beside Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

One Singaporean, Kwa Teo Kwee, said: “This is highly unsettling, as I used to think that all the funny things Khaw Boon Wan said was the result of Henry Thia taking his place and having a ball of a time on his behalf.”

“This just means it was actually Khaw who was saying all the funny things for real.”

However, other Singaporeans said this might be a blessing in disguise.

Kee Zho Hee, another local, said: “Maybe this just might all be a good thing. It could very well be Khaw Boon Wan’s exit from politics.”

“He can join showbiz and be Hui Ge’s double.”

“Since they are both professionally hilarious.”

 

 

 

 

 











Commuters thank Khaw Boon Wan for moral support during North-South Line breakdown

Commuters thank Khaw Boon Wan for moral support during North-South Line breakdown

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They appreciate him being with them spiritually.

NSL-train-disruption

Photo stolen from here

Commuters from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, have come out to thank Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after train services on the North-South Line were disrupted between Yishun and Marina South Pier in both directions for more than two hours on Wednesday morning, Nov. 25, due to a power fault, from as early as 6am.

As a result, commuters said they were trapped during peak hour traffic but were basking in the glow emanating from an outpouring of moral support from Transport Minister Khaw, who they could feel was with them.

One commuter, Gan En, said she is thankful, nonetheless, as the Transport Minister’s moral support helped tide everyone over: “Even though he was not with us physically, we could feel his presence spiritually.”

Other commuters said having the train break down on them again shows that they deserve it.

One train-taking Singaporean, Boh Lui Lang, said: “I do not want to hear any more complaints from myself.”

 

 

 

  

 



 

 



S’poreans react to Khaw Boon Wan saying there are bigger transport issues than MRT breakdowns

S’poreans react to Khaw Boon Wan saying there are bigger transport issues than MRT breakdowns

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

khaw-boon-wan-news

Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan wrote a blog post published on Monday, Nov. 9, 2015, saying that his new role in Ministry of Transport includes overseeing public transportation as well as the aviation and maritime sectors.

He also reiterated that there is more to his portfolio than the state of the country’s MRT transport system.

He ended off the post calling for the public’s understanding and moral support.

 

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “This is the same as saying that there is more to Singapore than just the PAP, which is correct.”
Fan Dui Dang, 42-year-old semi-professional blogger

 

sian-half-uncle “With all the moral support he is getting, it will sure be funny if the MRT keeps breaking down again.”
Dee Dee Pai, 63-year-old brake pad maker

 

happy-bird-girl “I hope Khaw Boon Wan can give Singaporeans his understanding and moral support whenever the train breaks down.”
Yew Xin Xing, 17-year-old faith healer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











O-level students apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for making NEL MRT spoil, doing badly for exams

O-level students apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for making NEL MRT spoil, doing badly for exams

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They accept full responsibility if their results are not good, fail to get good jobs in future.

o-level-students-apologise-khaw-boon-wan

Thousands of O-level students from all walks of life, who rely on the public transport system to get them to their life-determining final examination venue on time because cars are for parents who are rich enough to drive, have come out to apologise to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after the North East Line broke down on Monday morning, Oct. 26, for two hours during peak hour, when O-Level Additional Maths and various A-Level language exams were scheduled.

One O-level student, Buay Tak Chek, said he is sorry for not being able to do well for the exam having arrived at the exam venue flustered and barely making it on time: “I am sorry I am unable to make the North East Line work smoothly because I was inconsiderate enough to take the train with everyone else at the same time.”

“I am going to be a letdown to Singapore and her economy because my O-level results will be affected, I cannot enter junior college, can’t get into a local university and end up not being able to afford to study overseas.”

“With no degree, I doubt even SkillsFuture can save me next time.”

Other students said they must be blamed for their actions if there ever was a dearth of civil servants in five to 10 years’ time as a result of many of this current batch not doing well for their O-level exams, and subsequently, won’t have a local degree and will not be considered for a government sector position.

Another student, Mei Qian Tu, said: “Students must be blamed for taking the MRT train at the same time in the morning. If we organised ourselves better by not taking the train at the same time, the MRT will not break down and our future will not be affected.”

“Our lack of good grades is our own doing and we will accept all consequences.”

“We would like to register our deep regret and sincere apologies to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.”

“Even as MRT lines keep breaking down, he must not feel that his 70 percent strong mandate is under any threat of wavering, because that is an issue below his pay scale.”

“We hope he will stay on as transport minister forever and not feel like he is to be blamed for anything.”

“Moreover, this is not a cross he should be willing to bear because the public is the one that takes the MRT regularly and makes it spoil, while he is never the cause of any problems because he seldom or never takes it at all.”

 

 

 

 

 











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