Tag Archive | "Joseph Schooling"

Thousands of S’poreans who celebrate Joseph Schooling’s athleticism cannot pass IPPT

Thousands of S’poreans who celebrate Joseph Schooling’s athleticism cannot pass IPPT

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They also cannot explain why.

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Thousands of Singaporean men, who believe it is good to be sporty and exercise is good for health, have come out to celebrate the sporting achievements of Olympic Gold medallist Joseph Schooling.

However, leading physiological scientists in Singapore have discovered that these are the exact same people who cannot pass their annual IPPT.

Chao Keng Kia, a leading scientist in the sports sciences, said: “When Singaporean men see other people exercise, they get very happy and excited on behalf of the person exercising.”

“But when it comes time to take IPPT, they falter, say cannot pass, RT not fair, NS for locals, jobs for foreigners.”

This mystery is so deep, Singaporean men who cheered for Joseph Schooling but frequently fail their IPPT, also cannot explain why this is the case.

Mei Li You, a Singaporean man who has been going for IPPT remedial training for the last few years, said: “I also don’t know why I cannot pass my 2.4km IPPT.”

“I can go through school, find a job, get skills certifications, court a girl to become my wife, afford to drive, eat fancy meals, rear children, train for half-marathon races, but somehow, I cannot pass 2.4km IPPT run.”

“I think it’s a mental challenge.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





5 photos of S’poreans who should’ve been there for Joseph Schooling before he became Olympic champ

5 photos of S’poreans who should’ve been there for Joseph Schooling before he became Olympic champ

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There is no village.

It takes a village to raise an Olympic champion, but Singapore is no longer a fishing village according to Lee Kuan Yew, therefore, PAP cannot claim credit.

Here are five photos of Singaporeans who could have and should have been there for Joseph Schooling, the Olympic Gold medallist:

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S’poreans impressed so many people in govt helped Joseph Schooling win Olympic Gold

S’poreans impressed so many people in govt helped Joseph Schooling win Olympic Gold

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Silly us, here we were thinking it was only Joseph and his family.

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Singaporeans from all walks of life, who didn’t know the Singapore government was so big on nurturing sporting talent, have come out to clap their hands and shake their heads in disbelief.

This after everyone in the PAP government has come out to claim responsibility for Joseph Schooling’s Olympic Gold medal win because it sure looks like they all had a major role to play in the lead-up to his historic success.

One Singaporean, Zhu Peng, said: “Never in my entire life have I thought for a moment the Singapore government was into nurturing sporting talent.”

“Guess I was wrong. Looking at how everyone in the PAP had such an important role to play in getting Joseph Schooling to where he is now, I must say it sure appeared before today that the government didn’t really care.”

Other locals said they were impressed all the ministers had put in so much time and effort claiming credit now, as it would mean they had spent way more time before this helping Joseph Schooling personally.

Another local, Gou You, said: “The president, prime minister and MPs have all come out.”

“They all sure must have been there for the Schoolings every step of the way the last several years, taking turns bearing the responsibility.”

“What did Uncle Tony do? Fetch Joseph to and fro from swim practice every weekend?”

“And what about Uncle Lee? Cook Joseph a nice hot meal? Massage his back?”

“Sure must have been tough with the uncertainty of victory looming large over them previously.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Team S’pore athletes reminded they must never drink, have sex ever again

Team S’pore athletes reminded they must never drink, have sex ever again

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They must be as pure as PAP.

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Three Singapore swimmers at the Asian Games are being probed for having fun.

Joseph Schooling, Teo Zhen Ren and Roanne Ho were said to have left the village at the Asian Games to go drinking after the swimming events had already concluded the night before, where they won a lot of medals for the country, and naturally, were in celebratory mood.

However, Team Singapore spokesperson, Lao Gu Dong, said the actions of the Singapore athletes are unconscionable: “They are young adults who are old enough to represent Singapore internationally and win medals by swimming, but they are not allowed to consume alcohol and be themselves. How hard is that to understand?”

“Team Singapore has stressed time and again that young athletes must be pure and virginal to be able to perform at their peak level. This is similar to how the PAP operates: MPs and ministers must never drink alcohol and never have sex ever. That’s why they can think straight and deserve to wear white.”

Singaporeans on the street who were interviewed said they are sympathetic towards Joseph Schooling.

One local, Yew Qian Tu, said: “Joseph Schooling won Singapore’s first Asian Games male swimming gold medal in 32 years in the 100m butterfly in a new Games record, and he also took home silver and bronze in the 50m and 200m butterfly. The 19-year-old from the University of Texas stands to win $350,000 under the Multi-Million Dollar Awards Programme (MAP) scheme.”

“He should tell the authorities to take their investigation, shine it up a little, turn it sideways and stick it up their ass.”

 

Sometimes why Singaporeans don’t do well at some sporting activity will never be explained:

Tens of thousands of men run Army Half Marathon but complain cannot pass IPPT 2.4km run

 









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