Tag Archive | "JEM"

God officially loses count of calamities He has sent Jem’s way

God officially loses count of calamities He has sent Jem’s way

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One more for the heck of it, He said.

jem-mall-esprit-leak

A three-hour ceiling leak outside Esprit outlet at Jem mall at Jurong East on Wednesday afternoon, Dec. 28, could well be the last warning sent by God to His people — if He can actually remember how many more signs He has left to go.

The incident took place around 12.35pm on the first floor.

This marks the ninth or 10th sign God has sent JEM mall, if He can still keep count of the number of incidents.

Previously, His seven signs went largely unheeded in 2014 and The Merciful One could be trying to warn his people one more time, before He destroys the shopping centre for good by razing it down to the ground.

According to eyewitnesses, the leak had already occurred the night before.

However, shoppers were undeterred and continued in their pursuit of consumerist practices even when it was clear woe would befall them.

One shopper, Xing Ye Shu, said she is confident the ninth or 10th sign won’t be the last as there will probably be 10 clear signs in total, like what she saw on the cartoon The Prince of Egypt and the movie Exodus: Gods and Kings, starring Batman Christian Bale: “I still have time. Next week still got sale. No need to repent so soon.”

“Anyway there is still JCube.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





God officially loses count of number of calamities He has sent Jem mall’s way

God officially loses count of number of calamities He has sent Jem mall’s way

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One more for the heck of it, He said.

burger-king-jem-fire

A fire that broke out at the Burger King outlet at Jem mall at Jurong East on Tuesday night, July 19, could well be the last warning sent by God to His people — if He can actually remember how many more signs He has left to go.

The incident took place around 8.30pm at the fast food restaurant on the basement level.

This marks the ninth or 10th sign God has sent JEM mall, if He can still keep count of the number of incidents.

Previously, His seven signs went largely unheeded in 2014 and The Merciful One could be trying to warn his people one more time, before He destroys the shopping centre for good by razing it down to the ground.

According to the Singapore Civil Defence Force, the blaze occurred in the kitchen of the restaurant.

However, shoppers were undeterred and continued in their pursuit of consumerist practices even when it was clear woe would befall them.

One shopper, Xing Ye Shu, said she is confident the ninth or 10th sign won’t be the last as there will probably be 10 clear signs in total, like what she saw on the cartoon The Prince of Egypt and the movie Exodus: Gods and Kings, starring Batman Christian Bale: “I still have time. Next week still got sale. No need to repent so soon.”

“Anyway there is still JCube.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





God reminds JEM shopping mall in Jurong East He is not done razing the place to the ground

God reminds JEM shopping mall in Jurong East He is not done razing the place to the ground

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Another day, another sign.

din-tai-fung-jem-shit

God has sent a message to JEM shopping mall in Jurong East once again for the umpteenth time that He is still serious about razing the place to the ground.

This after the the Alpha And Omega sent a jet of what, witnesses said, is most likely faeces water bursting forth from an overhead pipe over the diners in Din Tai Fung restaurant on Thursday evening.

One onlooker, Xing Ye Shu, said: “I thought that the fire that broke out near the H&M boutique at JEM shopping mall on Good Friday night this year could well have been the final warning sent by God to His people.”

“But it looks like He is willing to show some mercy and allow His warning signs to be spread far and wide before adopting harder-hitting action.”

However, other eye witnesses said God’s warning signs should be heeded without further ado as He seems to be getting a hang of pushing out viral messages via social media, signalling He’s serious.

Shang Dian Tang, another local, said: “The Lord God Almighty seems very in tune with the times. All His signs these days are visual spectacles and go viral easily on social media.”

“In the past, He had to rely on truly greater spectacles, such as plagues and floods, but now, He has micro-control of indoor environments as well, making things pop, burn and blow in a shopping mall.”

“Now that’s a sign of divine power.”

 

Fire at JEM mall in Jurong East on Good Friday night could be final warning by God

7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











God feeling frustrated as latest flood warning at JEM shopping mall goes unheeded by Jurong residents

God feeling frustrated as latest flood warning at JEM shopping mall goes unheeded by Jurong residents

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He wonders what to do to get his flock’s attention. Pestilence or fire from the sky next?

jem-flood

The latest flood warning at JEM shopping mall in Jurong East on April 16, 2015 was unleashed by God as a last-ditch attempt to once again send a sign to reach out to His flock that He was serious with His threats of razing the place to the ground.

The Lord God Almighty had previously sent as many as half a dozen warnings to JEM shopping mall that He intended to destroy the place but His warnings have largely fallen on deaf ears.

His Good Friday fire at JEM barely two weeks ago was also quickly forgotten by the masses, who have clearly turned their backs on Him as they now worshipped money and status symbols, which JEM has played a large part in promoting.

The Alpha And Omega said: “I’ve tried all means and ways to warn my flock about the impending destruction of JEM shopping mall to showcase my ire at acquiring mindless material goods but it appears they are not budging or paying heed to my signs. It is almost as if I cannot reach out to them with all this consumerism and materialistic mindset going around.”

“I still see them there day in day out shopping and eating, acting as if all is well, even as it is obvious the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth is going to smite them.”

“Is there no way to reach out to them? How do I really make my warning go viral?”

At press time, The Good Shepherd said he was thinking a virus might be too subtle as a next warning because it is not social media-worthy an event enough, but maybe trying for a pestilence or fire from the sky would be more appropriate as these events are more Instagrammable.

 

The mall is going to the dogs:

Fire at JEM mall in Jurong East on Good Friday night could be final warning by God

7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

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Are we heeding His signs? Will you be Egyptian or Moses?

There is nothing that screams “End Times!” like a spate of physical calamities that the Lord Our God has personally inflicted upon his creation.

From the Great Flood to the 10 Plagues, the Good Shepherd has shown that he can deliver when called upon.

Here are 7 signs the Alpha and Omega has been dropping as hints that he is planning on destroying JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014:

 

1. Inflicting amnesia

JEM

In June 2013, JEM mall’s opening was delayed as someone spontaneously forgot to submit fire safety documents.

 

2. Spontaneous combustion

jem-fire-fairprice

Two months later, on Aug. 14, 2013, three employees in NTUC FairPrice Xtra store in the shopping centre suffered minor burns when a deep fryer caught fire.

 

3. Spontaneous combustion of a bigger object

jem-car-fire

Four days later on Aug. 17, 2013, a car caught fire in its basement carpark.

 

4. Increasing gravitation pull

jem-shopping-mall

Then, in September 2013, the first-floor ceiling collapsed.

 

5. Disregarding pleas for intercession

jem-mall

This prompted Jurong residents to organise a 48-hour prayer fest for the mall.

However, this failed to work.

 

6. Rearranging atomic/ molecular structure

jem-mall-glass-shatter

On Nov. 29, 2013, a glass door shattered into smithereens without apparent rhyme or reason.

 

7. Flood

jem-sprinkler

On June 17, 2014, sprinklers started spraying water in a bid to recreate the scene from Noah.

So, where will you be when JEM gets razed to the ground?

 

All the signs were there:
S’poreans fulfill lifelong dream of going to JEM

Religious leaders invited into JEM shopping mall to bless it

JEM closed for second straight day, S’poreans in the west lose all sense of purpose

Jurong residents organising 48-hour prayer fest for JEM Mall

JEM mall collects refund from religious leaders after yet another accident

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











JEM closed for second straight day, S’poreans in the west lose all sense of purpose

JEM closed for second straight day, S’poreans in the west lose all sense of purpose

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Ceiling collapse worse than economic stagnation, negative growth rate, recession.

jem-ceiling-collapsed

Singaporeans residing in the west, particularly in Jurong East, have lost almost all sense of purpose in life.

This after JEM shopping mall is closed indefinitely until further notice as the ceiling collapse two days earlier is still being investigated and fixed.

One western-residing Singaporean, Yu Lang Dong, said: “If I cannot shop, I might as well just die.”

Her sentiments were matched by many others who walked around Jurong East aimlessly, unsure what the future will bring.

S’poreans fulfill lifelong dream of going to JEM

S’poreans fulfill lifelong dream of going to JEM

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Some started queuing up as early as 530 a.m.

JEM

Thousands of Singaporeans from all walks of life and with varying mental abilities fulfilled their lifelong dream of going to JEM, the shopping mall in Jurong that had its opening delayed because some slacker forgot to file fire safety documents.

Some went as early as 530 a.m. on Saturday to get in line to await their virgin time to go in.

When the doors were officially open at 730 a.m., soft but audible pleasurable moans escaped the lips of those shoppers who went in.

One of the shoppers, Buay Min Kia, who was breathing heavily, said orgasmically: “Yah, I queued up here at 530 a.m., so I can go to Watsons.”

This sentiment of visiting a mall so early on a weekend when the shoppers could have been sleeping in or attending to their morning wood was shared by others.

Kee Sho Ping, a local who has a few aspirations, said: “It has been my desire to visit Marks & Spencer. My life would be empty otherwise.”

Residents of Jurong, though, is seeking the understanding of the greater public-at-large to not judge them too quickly and prematurely.

Wa Jin Sian, a Jurong resident, said: “It’s not that people in Jurong are deprived. This is the most exciting, arousing thing that has happened to us since GE2011.”