Tag Archive | "iPhone"

Highly religious iPhone-using S’poreans in crisis after finding out Apple CEO Tim Cook is gay

Highly religious iPhone-using S’poreans in crisis after finding out Apple CEO Tim Cook is gay

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They might have to stop using the Internet soon.

tim-cook-steve-jobs

A major crisis has broken out in Singapore causing highly religious Singaporeans to consider unplugging from the Internet altogether and going back to barter trade and using stone and bronze tools.

This after they found out that Apple’s CEO Tim Cook is gay.

The confession was previously made public on Bloomberg, but attention was brought to it after it was revealed that the world’s biggest brands such as Google, Coke and KFC are all pro-homosexuality.

This has caused the highly religious people in Singapore who are iPhone users to come to the realisation that they have been secretly financing the gay lifestyle of Apple’s CEO, having purchased his company’s products, such as the popular iPhone 6s and 6s Plus, Apple tablets and MacBooks.

Currently, some 70 percent of smartphone users in Singapore uses an Apple iPhone.

Yeshu Aini, a local religious person, said: “My entire life is in disarray. I have all along been an Apple fan and bought the iPhone 5 and 6 that were developed under Tim Cook’s charge. Therefore, I have been directly contributing to sin by financing it. This has allowed homosexuality to thrive.”

“No wonder this latest 5.5-inch iPhone 6s Plus feels so good in my hands. It is because this is the average length of the male anatomy.”

The realisation that the head of Apple is gay has given cause for concern as others remain extra wary about the international scope of deception.

This could signal that the CEOs of Samsung, Xiaomi and LG are all also secretly gay and waiting for the right time to unveil their as-yet-undisclosed homosexual selves in public soon, which could signal the end of all technology use for the highly religious people.

Local magician Lawrence Khong is expected to take to the pulpit on Sunday to encourage his flock to switch to using pay phones from now on, or even better, denounce technology altogether as a whole to be Satan’s work.

 

 

 

 

 











Apple CEO confesses he’s gay, causes crisis in FCBC and FotF as many members are iPhone users

Apple CEO confesses he’s gay, causes crisis in FCBC and FotF as many members are iPhone users

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Lawrence Khong to stop using iPhone and even denounce technology altogether.

tim-cook-steve-jobs

A major crisis has broken out at FCBC and FotF, two pro-nuclear family organisations in Singapore.

This after it was revealed that Apple’s CEO Tim Cook is gay. The confession was made public on Bloomberg on Oct. 30, 2014.

This has caused members in FCBC and FotF in Singapore who are iPhone users to come to the realisation that they have been secretly financing the gay lifestyle of Apple’s CEO as they have been buying his company’s products, such as the popular iPhone 5 and 6 and Apple tablets.

Some 70 percent of smartphone users in Singapore uses an Apple iPhone.

Yeshu Aini, a local religious person, said: “My entire life is in disarray. I have all along been an Apple fan and bought the iPhone 5 and 6 that were developed under Tim Cook’s charge. Therefore, I have been directly contributing to sin by financing it and this has allowed homosexuality to thrive.”

“No wonder this latest 5.5-inch iPhone 6 feels so good in my hands. It is because this is the average length of the male anatomy.”

The confession by the head of Apple has also caused others to be extra wary as the international scope of deception could also signal that the CEOs of Samsung, Xiaomi and LG are all also secretly gay and waiting for the right time to unveil their deception.

Local magician Lawrence Khong is expected to take to the pulpit on Sunday to encourage his flock to switch to using pay phones from now on, or even better, denounce technology altogether as a whole to be Satan’s work.

 

Here are all the gay articles on New Nation:

Conservative S’poreans demand S’pore Zoo investigate if they possess gay animals

Reader is troubled by the state of sex education in Singapore

Wear White campaign organiser realises white is made out of gay colours

Colourful MRT lines show that public transport is gay: Reader

Abercrombie & Fitch promoting homosexuality, exhibitionism in Singapore

6 rainbow buildings in S’pore that have stood up for gay rights

NDP 2014 to remove all LGBT elements from performance celebration

Letter writer: Ban Adam Lambert from performing

Respect to Pastor Lawrence Khong for casting adulteress aside

More S’poreans considering taking up homosexuality to advance investment banking career

A-Mei’s Rainbow song can spread homosexuality, S’pore authorities warn

Reader forgives government for maligning City Harvest Church

Several gay men turn straight at the sight of Serina Wee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





I know you love Steve Jobs but…

I know you love Steve Jobs but…

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Isn’t this a tad too much?

How Steve Jobs changed the way iWrite

How Steve Jobs changed the way iWrite

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With the iPhone, I’m forced to write streamlined and punchy prose.

By Belmont Lay

As you’re reading these lines, dear reader, it is imperative to know – given the news of Steve Job’s demise trickling in through my iPhone*sob :(* – that this missive you’re reading was written entirely on, well, an iPhone.

As a writer, I am and shall be forever indebted and grateful to Steve and his creations.

Steve’s gift to people like me (and I believe a host of others) was his foresight, intended or otherwise, to enhance our abilities, in a somewhat mutant kind of way.

These days, I can put ideas to touch screen pretty much anytime, anywhere.

I can research an article, look up sources, fact-check, edit and re-write as and when I feel like it.

Without skipping a beat.

Case-in-point: This article about Isabella Loh and the bridge-burning fracas she got herself into that was published three weeks ago was entirely penned, erm, I mean, pressed on an iPhone.

I was out window shopping on a Saturday but that was no excuse to NOT churn out a piece while on the go.

I don’t believe for a second that Steve set out making the iPhone thinking that it can be co-opted and exploited the way I have.

But he created a device with very flexible functionality.

The note-taking feature was never made for prose, but that doesn't mean you cannot try to use it for writing.

If you know a thing or two behind the science of writing, you should be aware that writing is carried out in a burst-pause-review-repeat manner. And coincidentally, this temperament fits right into the way the iPhone allows writers to function. And bloom.

So here’s an unintended consequence, a somewhat rather fortuitous upside to it all: With the iPhone’s physical design the way it is, it has built-in restrictions that in fact work in favour of writers who aim for streamlined, efficient and punchy prose.

Yes, I write most of my stuff on the Notes device, yes, THAT yellow Notes device that was actually made for short one or two-worded reminders and not full, grammatically-correct sentences.

And yes, the touch screen key pad isn’t exactly spacious and typing can take up precious cognitive energy.

But despite all these so-called shortcomings, as a rule of thumb, anything that is too tedious and too long to write on an iPhone is very usually too tedious and too long for anyone to read.

The iPhone, undoubtedly, has set the parameters very well for me. And I am inclined to believe, for you, too.

Plus, the fact that I can write as and when I please, because Notes holds that thought for you, I now have a much lower probability of misplacing a thought.

Remember, a flurry of short bursts of writing, is followed by pauses to review what was written and then back to more short bursts, reviewing and pauses?

That’s what makes writing on an iPhone work, especially while on the go, such as on a train or waiting for somebody or the bus.

You will never lose what you’ve written because Notes can be synced to email and everything will be cached.

So, for those of you who are not happy with the iPhone 4S, because it’s not exactly an iPhone 5, don’t be a bitch, ok?

When I first got my hands on an iPhone 4 in late July this year, having never used a smartphone in my existence, it didn’t feel like anything that came from this Earth.

The smooth glass screen, the sleekness of the casing and the solo button defied intuition, but has more or less set the parameters and influenced how designers build phones and tablets.

You must know and remember this: The iPhone, ever since its first generation was launched four years old, has pushed the limits of industrial design.

This is basically the best damn thing Man could have mustered at this stage in our evolution.

I can only leave you with this bit of funny you might have encountered in one form or another: God made creation in six days. On the seventh, He outsourced everything to  China.

So, be thankful. Because, or else, your iPhone would never have been assembled.

You never would have read this.

And you would have been poorer for it.

Thanks Steve, you’ll be missed.

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