They put a unique taste in your mouths.
More than few hundred kilograms of immoral fruits were seized in the raids as authorities work round the clock to uncover another several thousand kilograms of it stashed in warehouses all over the island.
Calling for stiff sentences to be meted out as a deterrent to others, Chief Police Superintendent See Baey Tng, said while prodding at the balls of flesh of the confiscated durians: “As you can tell, these carefully cultivated durians were grown to titillate the senses.”
“When you put it in your mouth, it explodes on your taste buds, giving you a rich and creamy sensation. People who are not used to the shape and taste might gag initially, but it really grows on you.”
“But what is objectionable is that they put unattainable standards in the minds of women and fetch a high price in the black market, as they are believed to be aphrodisiacs, besides being known to make people giggle.”
“Hence, Singapore needs to take a firm and hard stance against this type of fruit peddling. We cannot simply take things lying down and allow these fruits to penetrate our society’s consciousness.”
Regular-shaped durians have traditionally been imported from Malaysia, but this anatomically-exaggerated variety are believed to have come from Africa.
Singaporeans who heard about the arrests and fruit confiscation were glad action has been taken before things got out of hand and all over their belly.
Jin Deng, a local said: “Clandestine operations that undermine Singapore’s Asian Values and shatter our virginal paradise image must be stopped.”
“I’m glad the authorities have reacted, before things got thorny,” he said while putting on his sunglasses as The Who came on.