Tag Archive | "haze"

S’poreans thought they saw Lee Kuan Yew in the sky, but too hazy, couldn’t tell

S’poreans thought they saw Lee Kuan Yew in the sky, but too hazy, couldn’t tell

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They remained composed and checked their senses like good logical Singaporeans.

Photo by Mediacock Singapore

Photo by Mediacock Singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who were standing in the outdoors on Aug. 26 to pay their last respects, were almost shocked to see Lee Kuan Yew appear in the sky but remained composed as they couldn’t confirm if it was him because it was too hazy.

One Singaporean, Yan Hen Duo, said: “I looked up at the sky for a brief moment because I was overwhelmed with emotion and thought I saw Lee Kuan Yew looking down from above.”

“But then I blinked once to check my senses and suddenly he was gone.”

“So I can’t be sure if it was him or the haze playing tricks on my eyes.”

Other locals who also claimed to see Lee Kuan Yew in the sky said they were somewhat certain it was him but would not put their money on it.

Gong Ji Kim, another local, said: “The certainty of seeing Lee Kuan Yew in the sky is not as great as the guaranteed returns I’ll get on my CPF money every year, so I don’t think I am confident.”

“But this is not to say that the guaranteed returns on my CPF savings is very high, just that the probability it was Lee Kuan Yew is very, very low.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Smokers in S’pore thank NEA: Cannot smoke in parks & reservoirs so they can enjoy haze

Smokers in S’pore thank NEA: Cannot smoke in parks & reservoirs so they can enjoy haze

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Fresh haze for everybody.

haze-park

Smokers in Singapore from all walks of life, who didn’t fully comprehend how their own health is the government’s business until today when the haze arrived, have come out to thank the National Environment Agency profusely.

This after smoking was banned at reservoirs and more than 400 parks islandwide from June 1, 2016, as part of measures to make Singapore smoke-free.

One smoker, Sio Hoon Kee, said: “Now that the parks and reservoirs are free from cigarette smoke, I can enjoy the fresh haze when I go for a walk with my family this evening after work.”

Other Singaporeans said they are heartened and can take many lessons from this fresh round of haze.

Mong Cha Cha, another local, said: “I like how the government can take small measures to control small outcomes but cannot take big measures to control big outcomes.”

“It’s almost like missing the forest for the trees because it is too hazy to see clearly.”

“Even when I am not smoking in the parks and reservoirs.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Indonesian Vice-President Jusuf Kalla: Haze problem is wind’s fault

Indonesian Vice-President Jusuf Kalla: Haze problem is wind’s fault

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It is beyond Indonesia’s control.

Jusuf-Kalla-haze-wind

Indonesian Vice-President Jusuf Kalla blamed the wind for spreading the haze to neighbouring countries, saying it was something beyond Indonesia’s control.

Speaking at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (Apec) CEO summit on Wednesday, Nov. 18, Kalla said: “I’m so sorry to Malaysia and Singapore to say that we cannot control the wind. We don’t want the haze to go everywhere. (It happened) not because we want it to (affect) our neighbours, but because of the wind.”

Kalla was asked during a question-and-answer session what challenges the Indonesian government faces in stamping out the yearly haze brought on by farmers slashing and burning farmland in Sumatra and Kalimantan.

He acknowledged that it was a “big problem” that had affected the region.

To tackle it, his government had worked to restore the forests in Indonesia that had disappeared rapidly due to logging, he said.

Kalla said the problem would likely persist next year, but was hopeful that it would not be as serious.

He also reiterated his previous remarks about the “10 months” of good weather enjoyed by Indonesia’s neighbours, quipping: “Ten months every year, the good weather goes to our neighbours. You enjoyed it, we did not ask you to pay for it. But if there’s some bad problem, it is our problem to the region too.”

This is a real article published in The Straits Times on Nov. 18, 2015.

 

 

 

 

 











Indonesia gives S’pore fresh air, November rain as early Christmas present

Indonesia gives S’pore fresh air, November rain as early Christmas present

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Thank you for the season’s greetings.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Declaring themselves the bigger person and more magnanimous country, Indonesia has sent uncontaminated fresh air and passing showers Singapore’s way in mid-November after they declared they have temporarily forgiven Singaporeans’ petulant behaviour this past few months.

In a statement distributed to the media, it said: “President Joko Widodo was listening to November Rain by Guns N’ Roses and he decided he should send some along to Singapore as a gift.”

“We are able to look past Singapore’s and Singaporeans’ flaws, such as the lack of gratitude for the 11 months of annual clean air provided free-of-charge courtesy of reliable Indonesian forests.”

“And as we are being relatively good neighbours and since we heard less complaints emanating from there in the whole of last week compared to the weeks before, we shall grant the tiny republic a respite from the haze.”

“Consider this an early Christmas present courtesy of your friendly ASEAN neighbour, Indonesia.”

Singaporeans, in response, thanked Indonesia for the fresh air, showers and agreeable 27°C weather, free of PM2.5, as well as their generosity and ASEAN spirit.

One Singaporean, Shao Xiang, said Singaporeans have taken to openly give thanks to Indonesia in public: “I can already feel the spirit of Christmas in the air.”

“I will burn joss sticks and joss paper in return as thanksgiving.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans pray for haze as summon aunties return to work outdoors putting an end to free illegal parking

S’poreans pray for haze as summon aunties return to work outdoors putting an end to free illegal parking

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They are going to make up for lost time by exceeding quota.

summon-aunties-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who had had it up to here tearing coupons all their lives, are once again back to living their lives in constant fear and hatred.

This after the haze in Singapore has taken a turn for the better with PSI levels falling island-wide and looking to reach normal levels again after two months of haze.

This signals that all personnel are allowed outdoors, which means summon aunties can return to work issuing parking tickets with a vengeance.

One Singaporean, Jia Qi Che, said: “The haze has opened my eyes to what paradise is like when I can park anywhere my heart pleases.”

“Now I have to go back to living in constant fear that my coupon has expired.”

Summon aunties have clarified that they will not be giving chance as they have to make up for lost time.

One summon auntie, Orh Gong, said: “I’m back, bitches.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans cry in gratitude after witnessing Lee Kuan Yew gently blow haze away

S’poreans cry in gratitude after witnessing Lee Kuan Yew gently blow haze away

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He promised to take care of Singapore five-ever, which is longer than four-ever.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who wish there was someone capable enough who can make the haze go away, got their wish fulfilled when they least expected it.

This after thousands of Singaporeans saw Lee Kuan Yew appear in the sky over Marina Bay Sands all of a sudden and gently blow the haze away with his mouth back in the direction of Indonesia.

One Singaporean, Chui Tiao, said she was initially shocked to see such a sight but was quickly overcome by emotion: “When Lee Kuan Yew said that he was going to get up if he felt something is going wrong even when he is lowered into his grave, I thought he meant it metaphorically.”

“This incident has taught me he meant everything he said and he will forever take care of Singapore.”

“Actually, he will take care of Singapore five-ever.”

However, other Singaporeans were quick to capitalise on the situation.

Another Singaporean, Cai Hong, said he initially thought Lee Kuan Yew will at most appear as a rainbow to symbolically remind Singaporeans he is here with us: “I did not expect him to be so in-your-face, but I guess that’s how he was in life.”

“And I guess him being Lee Kuan Yew, he will always be unreasonable with his standards and achieve whatever he wants.”

“I wonder if he can help my son with his O-level exams by whispering the correct answer to him though?”

“You think?”

 

 

 

 

 











Smoking clubber insists he’s dressed as Indon Haze for Halloween party upset bouncers denied him entry

Smoking clubber insists he’s dressed as Indon Haze for Halloween party upset bouncers denied him entry

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Apparently, his smoke-producing mouth was too realistic for clubs’ liking.

smoker-halloween-indonesian-haze-club

A Singaporean party-goer dressed up as the Indonesian haze for this weekend’s Halloween-themed nightclub events has been left upset and dejected.

This after he was turned away at multiple clubs on Friday evening and the early hours of Saturday morning as bouncer after bouncer denied him entry into their premises because they didn’t accept his reasoning that his chain-smoking of cigarettes was so that he didn’t want to break character as the Indonesian haze.

The clubber, Sio Hoon Kee, said he is frustrated as a result: “I don’t understand how clubs in Singapore have been encouraging clubbers to dress up for Halloween parties across the island, but turned me away again and again.”

“It sucks that I put in so much effort to look the part of the Indonesian haze and be ultra realistic about things and then some meathead guarding the door decides I cannot enter his club just because I don’t fall into his overly simplistic view of the world.”

“All I wanted was to be realistic with my outfit and continuously produce smoke like the Indonesian haze, which shows no signs of stopping.”

Clubbers from all walks of life in Singapore, who do enjoy taking a drag and wished that they could do that on the dance floor again, said they empathise with Indon Haze Man, as the now-famous clubber is called.

One clubber, Hu Lee Jin, who was dressed for Halloween as a foxy nurse with thigh-high slits on both sides of her white uniform that looked tainted with mysterious stains on the front and back, said: “I also bemoan this lack of creativity and imagination in Singapore.”

“If a man shows up for a Halloween party smoking cigarettes and calls himself the Indonesian Haze, you should pat him on the back and say ‘Good job circumventing the rules’ instead of throwing him out.”

“It is the letter of the law that the bouncers and club management are following when they should be embracing the spirit of it.”

“Since this is Halloween, we should be embracing spirits.”

At press time, more clubbers claiming to be dressed up as the Indonesian Haze for Halloween is expected this weekend.

 

 

 

 

 











Indonesia temporarily forgives S’poreans’ petulance, provides clean air, agreeable 27°C weather on Wednesday

Indonesia temporarily forgives S’poreans’ petulance, provides clean air, agreeable 27°C weather on Wednesday

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Thank you for your kindness, Indonesia.

singapore-fresh-air

Declaring themselves the bigger person and more magnanimous country, Indonesia sent uncontaminated fresh air and passing showers Singapore’s way on Wednesday after they declared they have temporarily forgiven Singaporeans’ petulant behaviour this past week.

In a statement distributed to the media, it said: “We are able to look past Singapore’s and Singaporeans’ flaws, such as the lack of gratitude for 11 months of annual clean air provided free-of-charge courtesy of reliable Indonesian forests.”

“Therefore, we shall grant the tiny republic some fresh air and clear skies as a respite from the haze for being relatively good neighbours, as we heard less complaints emanating from there in the whole of last week compared to the week before.”

Singaporeans, in response, thanked Indonesia for the fresh air, showers and agreeable 27°C weather, free of PM2.5, as well as their generosity and ASEAN spirit.

One Singaporean, Shao Xiang, said Singaporeans have taken to openly give thanks to Indonesia in public: “I am burning joss sticks and joss paper to thank Indonesia for their blessings.”

“This is the least I can do for them.”

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to 1-hour PM2.5 level hitting 442 in west of S’pore on Oct. 19, 2015

S’poreans react to 1-hour PM2.5 level hitting 442 in west of S’pore on Oct. 19, 2015

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

psi-442-west-cropped

According to National Environment Agency (NEA) official website, the 1-hour PM2.5 level in the west of Singapore on Oct. 19, 2015, at 10pm is 442.

Good luck and godspeed.

Posted by Mothership.sg on Monday, October 19, 2015

 

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “RIP Jurong.”
Kee Qia, 43-year-old undertaker

 

sian-half-uncle “The west side mainly made up the 70 percent, right?”
Hong Gan, 63-year-old air con cleaner

 

happy-bird-girl “Thanks to NEA, I had passed away three hours ago.”
See Kiao Kiao, 16-year-old unemployed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans praise PM Lee for personally blowing monsoon winds to get rid of haze by end-Oct

S’poreans praise PM Lee for personally blowing monsoon winds to get rid of haze by end-Oct

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This is what you get with a 70 percent mandate.

pm-lee-blow-haze-away

Singaporeans from all walks of life who are from the 70 percent have come out to applaud Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.

This after he is personally causing monsoon winds to blow the haze away by the end of October, which will mark the end of the south-west monsoon season.

One Singaporean, Xing Dong Dang, said: “This is what you get when you vote PAP: The prime minister himself will personally see to the climate and bring respite to Singaporeans from the haze.”

“Even if you did not vote for his party.”

However, not all Singaporeans are convinced that PM Lee is powerful enough to be personally responsible for blowing away the haze after being bestowed with a 70 percent mandate.

Another Singaporean, Bu Siang Xing, said: “If PM Lee Hsien Loong had 80 percent mandate, he would have been able to prevent the haze from penetrating Singapore’s air space in the first place.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’pore successfully relocates east of M’sia to get away from haze as short term measure

S’pore successfully relocates east of M’sia to get away from haze as short term measure

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Malaysia land mass will serve as filter for Singapore.

Indonesia-Map-Singapore-migrate

In a bid to resolve the haze issue, Singapore has successfully uprooted from its current location south of the Malay Peninsula and moved eastward to the side of the landmass instead.

This is to get away from the haze blowing from Sumatra.

However, Singapore officials are quick to announce that this relocation will only be a short term measure.

One official, Ban Jia, said: “Since we’re a Little Red Dot, it is easy for us to relocate when we feel like it and have to.”

“But it has to be noted that this move is only a short term measure to resolve the haze issue as we will be using the Malay Peninsula as a filter to absorb most of the particulate and smoke.”

“We will eventually need to move back to the south of the peninsula landmass as Singapore still needs to maintain its status as a port of call and as the busiest port in the world.”

Some Singaporeans who heard of this move were not entirely convinced.

One local, Qu Na Lee, said: “I’d prefer Singapore move further north closer to Hong Kong.”

“Heard the weather there is quite nice this time of the year.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’pore authorities ban unauthorised laughter to combat effects of haze

S’pore authorities ban unauthorised laughter to combat effects of haze

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Authorities insist they are not using one thing to justify doing another thing.

By David Tan

haze-singapore-flyer

Amidst the persistent clouds of smog enveloping the island of Singapore, various government ministries are chipping in to help keep the effects of Indonesia’s gift to Singapore at bay.

The latest ministry to join the fray is the Ministry of Information Organisation and Networks (MinION).

MinION has since announced a new licensing scheme for comedies and other material of a humorous nature to register.

Under this licensing scheme, all blogs, websites, news channels, even Twitter and Facebook feeds that may elicit some form of laughter will have to fill up forms and register with the MinION Commissioner of Humorous Affairs as part of a broader effort aimed at regulating potentially unhealthy laughter during the haze crisis.

“One of the biggest dangers facing Singaporeans during this haze crisis is unauthorised laugher,” said the MinION Minister during the launch event.

He also said: “Anything which has the potential to cause breathing difficulties and undermine the contingency plans we have in place is a danger.”

He went on to add that it is our civic duty to ensure that content generators do not cause such uproarious laughter that may endanger the health of others.

If identified, humorous content generators will be required to pay a $50,000 registration fee and comply with any takedown requests of unauthorised funny material within the hour, lest they have their deposit forfeited.

“The goal of this scheme is not to stifle laugher,” said the Minister, “but it is rather to show that we care about your well-being. We are funny people ourselves, but we must also take fun seriously, and be responsible with our laughter”.

 

 

 

 

 









S’poreans glad Indonesia generous enough to allow S’pore to put out forest fires now they’re done burning

S’poreans glad Indonesia generous enough to allow S’pore to put out forest fires now they’re done burning

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A friend in need is a friend indeed.

forest-fire-indonesia

Bilateral relations between Singapore and Indonesia have warmed up even further today.

This after Indonesia said it is okay for Singapore to help put out forest fires they have started that have been causing haze all over the Southeast Asia region.

This caused Singaporeans to feel that Indonesia is very generous.

One Singaporean, Hei Koo, who has asthma, said: “Thank you Indonesia for opening their hearts and minds. Singaporeans appreciate Indonesia’s generosity in allowing us to step in to put out the fires for them.”

“Singaporeans must thank Indonesia profusely for even obliging and giving this some consideration. They really didn’t have to.”

Other Singaporeans said they cannot believe how well Indonesia is taking this offer of help.

Yuan Shou, another local, said: “I would have thought Indonesia wouldn’t even consider accepting Singapore’s help because Singapore is so small and it wants to help one of the most populous countries in the world today.”

“I would have thought this back-and-forth of accepting and rejecting would go on forever or at least another year but they accepted it after two months.”

“So fast. And so decisive.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans thank Indonesia for mixing rain with haze to fall on S’pore

S’poreans thank Indonesia for mixing rain with haze to fall on S’pore

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Thank you for your rain and haze mixture.

haze-rain-singapore

Bilateral relations between Singapore and Indonesia have warmed up today.

This after Singaporeans from all walks of life, regardless if they are asthmatic, have come out to thank Indonesia for bringing rain and mixing it with PSI level 130 haze on Tuesday having let it hover around PSI 100 to 200 the past few days.

One Singaporean, Hen Gan En, said he feels personally indebted to Indonesia for giving Singaporeans back hazy wet smoke: “I never thought I’d see rain and haze at the same time.”

“I would like to thank Indonesia for blessing Singapore with this unusual mixture. It is wonderful to see acid rain again.”

“Sorry, if we were ever ungrateful.”

Other Singaporeans said they have taken to openly giving thanks to Indonesia in public.

One Singaporean, Shao Xiang, said: “I am burning joss sticks and joss paper to thank Indonesia for their blessings.”

“This is the least I can do for them.”

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 











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