Flooding by The Almighty was in response to inane ministerial comment last week about droughts being a worry.
By Yew Tok Kok
Additional reporting by Hor Gao Gan
(Image not rendered to scale and any resemblance to actual deity is purely a coincidence. Or prophecy.)
The freakish flash floods that occurred yesterday afternoon at some parts of Singapore was no unlucky event, as God himself has stepped forward to claim credit for causing it on purpose.
Speaking over Skype, the 6,000-year-old entity said He single-handedly caused the flash floods at Veerasamy Road and Thomson Road on Friday afternoon “as a form of rebuke against hubris and false knowledge”.
Last week, environ-MENTAL minister Vivien Balakrishnan said, rather inanely, after a recent series of high-profile floods in Singapore: “A prolonged drought is something of a greater worry to me than a flash flood, which can be resolved over 15 minutes to half an hour”.
This statement proved to be too tempting for The Almighty to not act on it.
Within a week, The Consuming Fire reacted with a torrent of H2O to show that he means business and to re-emphasise that droughts ought to be the least of anyone’s worries because Singapore is a tropical island that is situated along a geographical region exposed to torrential outbursts of wet weather all year round and it doesn’t bode well that we have also become a concrete jungle.
Besides the Lord’s fury, Vivien’s inane comment about prioritising droughts over floods has also drawn widespread ridicule from Singaporeans.
The flooding is also exceptionally timely and gratifying as it caps a week or even a month of foot-in-mouth incidents involving the PAP, and on one occasion, the incumbent and chye tow kuey.
But make no mistake, The Most High is not done with His rinsing of Singapore’s roads, low-lying or otherwise.
Speaking in his infamous cryptic language and referring to himself in the megalomaniacal third-person, The Alpha and Omega hinted that he might unleash his Godly powers again as he chose his words and tone in the gravely, yet majestic, Kings James version style: “Get thee behind me, Vivien. Thou shalt not bear false witness or serve as a false prophet, for thine powers are unworthy and limited.”
“Thou shalt voteth opposition”, he sublimated.
“Or else, ye tempts fate to tempt thee”, he added.
Changing lingo to sound more urban, He also explained His penchant for wet weather: “You know the story about Noah and The Great Flood? It was done for dramatic effect. If I chose a drought, you know how long and tedious and non-dramatic death would take?”
“Yup, four weeks. And that’s a long time in biblical terms, considering I’m only here for six millennia so far.”
“I’ve got other wars to start, you know”.