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SMRT to provide financial counselling to disenfranchised bus drivers

SMRT to provide financial counselling to disenfranchised bus drivers

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Drivers will be taught how to humanly stretch awesome $25 wage increase.

I drive your bus, you scared anot? I zam brake, you scared anot? I turn left, and then turn right, and go si tan, you scared anot? Your lives is in my hands, always remember that. (Du lan SMRT driver)

The 100-odd SMRT bus drivers who took a gamble by asking for more pay are in for a treat.

It was reported that a proposed $25 wage increase is in the works.

But besides this grossly over-generous new perk that will undoubtedly give the drivers a hummingbird heartbeat, SMRT is providing mandatory financial counselling to ensure that its drivers do not squander their hard earned money needlessly.

Like on better food and more pocket money for their children back home in China.

Regardless, here are the top 10-plus-one proposed methods SMRT has crafted to stretch the drivers’ dollars:

1. Always think in RMB. $25 in Sing dollars is $125 in RMB.

2. Do not eat more than necessary. Or eat unnecessarily. Or eat.

3. Give yourself a hair cut.

4. Drink only tap water. It’s free. And safe.

5. Don’t spend on clothes. Stick to wearing company issued bus driver uniform. It’s red. It’s auspicious.

6. Only ride on SMRT buses. No NEL. No SBS. Concession means free rides.

7. This also means you can only go to limited places using SMRT buses. Familiarity breeds habituation breeds boredom breeds more money (through saving).

8. On hindsight, don’t even go out on your rest days.

9. Always think of Foxconn.

10. Change all notes into coins. It would appear more.

11. Ask your Malaysian counterparts how many Ringgit they get. Laugh loudly and note that RMB numerical value is still more than twice as much as Ringgit numerical value.

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