Tag Archive | "football"

Messi mercifully leaves S’pore as he doesn’t want to personally destroy Lions

Messi mercifully leaves S’pore as he doesn’t want to personally destroy Lions

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Such a good god.

lionel-messi-merciful

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are referring to Lionel Messi as Lionel Messi the Merciful, are grateful and in tears.

This after the Argentinian forward and demi-god is skipping the match against Singapore after he initially arrived at Changi Airport only for him to depart again.

One Singaporean, Jin Gan En, said: “Thank you merciful Lionel Messi for leaving. If you played against Singapore, you might have destroyed the goal nets on both ends with your endless scoring streak.”

“Singapore might never recover from a 0-52 loss to Argentina.”

“52 years of nation building would go down the drain as a result.”

Other locals said Messi’s absence will boost the Lions’ morale after a shambolic 1-2 loss against Chinese Taipei.

Another local, Guan Jun, said: “Now that Lionel Messi is not around, Singapore might be able to concede less than 52 goals in one match against Argentina.”

 

 





Argentina to beat S’pore 52-0 as part of SG52 celebrations

Argentina to beat S’pore 52-0 as part of SG52 celebrations

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Best way to celebrate.

singapore-vs-argentina

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to see a good decisive victory, are looking forward to June 13, 2017.

This is so as Argentina will play Singapore in a round of football and are set to score 52 goals against us as part of SG52 celebrations.

One Singaporean, Tak Kiu, said: “To lose by 52 goals is an honour.”

“This will show the world that Singapore is all about economic progress and socio-political stability at the expense of fluffy things like sporting excellence.”

“After this decisive loss is announced in the world media, other countries will know that Singapore has been and still is serious about investing in other areas that pay off economically.”

Other locals said conceding 52 goals at one time is not a big deal.

Gao Zhen Zhi, another local, said: “In local politics, the incumbent is always very proud to eke out a decisive victory.”

“If victories are decisive, so too will be losses.”

“And it is not a loss and no one’s fault as long as there are learning points from it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





No. 1 thing FAS needs to do: Rename Lions as Lee Kuan Yewnited

No. 1 thing FAS needs to do: Rename Lions as Lee Kuan Yewnited

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That’s the only way to find footballing success for tiny Singapore.

lee-kuan-yew-nited

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who know what it means to remember someone by, are urging the Football Association of Singapore to do the right thing.

This after the FAS is set to hold its presidential election soon and changes are expected to be made from top to bottom.

One Singaporean, Lia Boh Kiu, said Singapore’s founding father Lee Kuan Yew must be honoured in sports: “To make Lee Kuan Yew always accessible and in the public’s consciousness, the national football team must be renamed Lee Kuan Yewnited from this year onwards.”

“The change in name is highly appropriate as it pays homage to the most impressive man in Singapore who has the abilities of 11 men combined.”

“The hope is for the Lee Kuan Yewnited players to draw strength from the new name as he is known as a fiercely competitive person.”

“Especially when we play against the Malaysians, because there was a time when people said we won’t make it, but we did.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life said they prefer Lee Kuan Yewnited as a team name because it rolls off the tongue more easily than Lions or Team Singapore.

Lai Chiu Kwa, a local song composer, said he has even managed to come up with a sports chant featuring the new football team name that will inspire: “This sports chant I came up with will enable all Singaporeans to unite and lift our spirits, keeping in mind our racial differences.”

“This is how it goes.”

“Lee Kuan Yew, lai tak kiu,
Tng lang, Indian, Melayu
We All Love Yew!
Even Yew-rasians!
Yayyyyyy!”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Punters pray to Andy’s father for good luck to bet on SEA Games 2015 football matches

Punters pray to Andy’s father for good luck to bet on SEA Games 2015 football matches

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May he help us.

andy-father

Punters in Singapore from all walks of life who are looking for winning streaks have started to pray to Andy’s father for good luck to befall them so that they can win big betting on football matches this SEA Games 2015.

This after Andy’s father became an emblem of good footballing luck as he famously bet his and his son’s entire life savings on Germany winning the World Cup 2014, which netted him a total of $270 million in profits.

One Singaporean punter, Kee Puah Kiao, said Andy’s father is an inspiration to all who want to wager some against the gods: “If I can only have 10 percent of Andy’s father luck, is good enough for me.”

Other punters, however, are looking to worshipping Andy, as he is seen as the son of a footballing genius.

Another punter, Tan Dua Lui, said: “I have cut out all the photos of Andy and kept some of them in my wallet.”

“And to make sure I got all my bases covered, I am also praying to the original National Council for Problem Gambling advertisement.”

“It is also an emblem of luck.”

“And we heard he is going for Thailand this SEA Games 2015.”

 

Andy’s father is rich:

Andy’s father made $270 million betting on Germany

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’pore football fans brace themselves as LionsXII’s Malaysia FA Cup win signals regression to the mean soon

S’pore football fans brace themselves as LionsXII’s Malaysia FA Cup win signals regression to the mean soon

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Celebrations tempered by expectations of Singapore football’s future.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Singapore football fans from all walks of life who always like to think Singapore football is really going to turn the corner this time round, have suddenly been reminded of the statistical phenomenon known as “regression to the mean”, mere hours after the LionsXII’s historic Malaysia FA Cup 2015 win.

This after local fans meticulously charted the fortunes of Singapore football and duly noted via thorough statistical analysis based on data mined from the past 30 years to separate the signal from the noise that any footballing success the Republic enjoyed will be eclipsed by extended periods of non-success.

One Singaporean football fan, Kee Tak Kiu, said: “We all kind of know how things often turn out. We’d think Singapore football has really turned the corner with one major win or after some successful streak and we’re going to be on our way up.”

“But it is always the case that all success is temporary and local football will fall into the doldrums yet again as the success is difficult to sustain.”

“LionsXII winning the Malaysia FA Cup will probably help the euphoria last for three weeks, after which it is the grim reality of keeping the local footballing scene from grinding along again.”

“This is then followed by a lot of soul-searching from a lot of quarters, usually by September or October this year, involving the Football Association of Singapore (FAS) and Sport Singapore, a statutory board of the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth, questioning why professional football here is not progressing after suffering a few setbacks.”

“And the talk will go back to the beleaguered S.League, where funding issues will once again rear its ugly head and where clubs will merge or collapse and the next season shortened or abandoned.”

At press time, the foreseeable future of Singapore football will encompass the SEA Games 2015 to be held in June, after which, the only certainty football fans in Singapore have is that there will be none.

 

Football in S’pore keeps Singaporeans positive:

Andy’s father made $270 million betting on Germany

S’pore nearly beat Juventus, needed just 6 more goals to win

 

 

 





S’pore national football team to be renamed Lee Kuan Yew-nited

S’pore national football team to be renamed Lee Kuan Yew-nited

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In honour of our founding father.

Team Lee Kuan Yew-nited

Team Lee Kuan Yew-nited

In honour of Singapore’s founding father Lee Kuan Yew and to make sure he is always accessible and in the public’s consciousness, the national football team will be renamed Lee Kuan Yew-united from this year as part of SG50 celebrations.

Sports Minister, Lia Boh Kiu, said the change in name is highly appropriate as it pays homage to the most impressive man in Singapore who has the abilities of 11 men combined: “The hope is for the Lee Kuan Yew-nited players to draw strength from the new name as he is known as a fiercely competitive person.”

“Especially when we play against the Malaysians, because there was a time when people said we won’t make it, but we did. So we need to keep that in mind.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life said they prefer Lee Kuan Yew-nited as a team name because it rolls off the tongue more easily than Lions or Team Singapore.

Lai Chiu Kwa, a local song composer, said he has even managed to come up with a sports chant featuring the new football team name that will inspire: “I think it is pre-ordained and destined that Lee Kuan Yew’s name ends with a ‘Yew’, which makes it easy to transform into ‘Yew-nited’ as in ‘Manchester United’.”

“So, this sports chant I came up with will enable all Singaporeans to unite and lift our spirits, keeping in mind our racial differences.”

“This is how it goes.”

“Lee Kuan Yew, lai tak kiu,
Tng lang, Indian, Melayu
We All Love Yew!
Even Yew-rasians!
Yayyyyyy!”

 

Lee Kuan Yew-nited is just the start:

S’pore to be renamed Lee Kuan Yew next year

Election rules relaxed to allow Lee Kuan Yew’s Madame Tussauds wax figurine to run as candidate

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