Tag Archive | "flood"

Flooding all over S’pore linked to Noah’s Ark event

Flooding all over S’pore linked to Noah’s Ark event

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It was a divine warning.

singapore-flooding

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who know an omen when they see one, are urging the authorities to think twice and repent for Singapore’s sins.

This after they noticed that the whole of Singapore flooded on Jan. 23, 2017, is linked to the biblical events of Noah’s Ark, where the world and humanity were destroyed as people turned their backs on God and chose a path of sin instead.

One Singaporean, Qu Jiao Tang, said: “There is no doubt that Singapore flooding is closely linked to the Noah’s Ark message. The speed of the water’s rise was biblically quick.”

“However, God probably thought twice about destroying Singapore as He gave chance for us to change, unlike what happened to the people who did not believe Noah and who had it coming.”

Other locals said given this new lease of life, the first step Singaporeans need to take to signal to the Alpha and Omega is that we are a changed people.

Another local, Yuan Liang, said: “The first step is to recognise where sin in Singapore stems from and it is obvious it comes from the name ‘Singapore’.”

“Therefore, we need to remove ‘Sin’ from ‘Singapore’ and replace it with ‘Righteousness’.”

“So, from now on, ‘Singapore’ will be renamed as ‘Righteousnesspore’.”

“And then we need to build an ark and put at Mandai zoo there, just in case.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Upper Thomson Road celebrates 100 years anniversary after 2 once-in-50-years floods occurred

Upper Thomson Road celebrates 100 years anniversary after 2 once-in-50-years floods occurred

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Congratulations.

upper-thomson-road-flooded-twice

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are glad they have lived to a ripe old age, are congratulating themselves for making it so far in life.

This after they managed to celebrate 100 years of existence following the coming to pass of two once-in-50-years floods at Upper Thomson Road.

One Singaporean, Yan Shui, said: “When the first once-in-50-years flood occurred, I couldn’t believe Singapore had hit a milestone. To be able to make it past 50 years old was such a freak event.”

“Next thing I knew, we are 100 years old.”

“Sure feels good to have a long history on our side.”

However, other locals were more cautious with becoming so old so soon moving forward.

Another local, Lau Kok Kok, said: “One moment you’re 50, next moment you’re 100. Who knows? Maybe soon Singapore can be 500 years old.”

“Then there are other parts of the country that are still young, not even 50 years old yet.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore celebrates 200 years independence as 4 once-in-50-years floods have occurred

S’pore celebrates 200 years independence as 4 once-in-50-years floods have occurred

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In a blink of an eye, two centuries have past.

great-flood-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are glad they belong to a mature democracy, are letting their hair down and painting the town red as they celebrate the night away.

This after they managed to celebrate 200 years of independence following the coming to pass of four once-in-50-years floods.

One Singaporean, Yan Shui, said: “When the first once-in-50-years flood occurred, I couldn’t believe Singapore had hit a milestone. To be able to make it past 50 years old was such a freak event.”

“Next thing I knew, we were 200 years old.”

“Sure feels good to have a long history on our side.”

However, other locals were more cautious with becoming a two-century old country moving forward.

Another local, Lau Kok Kok, said: “One moment you’re 50, next moment you’re 200. Who knows? Maybe soon Singapore can be 500 years old.”

“So, it is sometimes better to remain a young innocent nation.”

“But from the looks of it, we’ll be celebrating our 250 years of independence soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Yaacob Ibrahim’s once-in-50-years flood goes north, affects Thailand

Yaacob Ibrahim’s once-in-50-years flood goes north, affects Thailand

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Thais blame him for freak of nature event.

thai-flood-50-year

Thais from all walks of life who are suddenly experiencing freak weather, are blaming Yaacob Ibrahim.

This after the worst floods in 50 years arrived at their doorstep.

The Thais believe Yaacob Ibrahim has something to do with it.

Suvariwet, a Thai, said: “Nobody has ever talked about once-in-50-years flood before. But once Yaacob Ibrahim talked about it, suddenly it is happening everywhere.”

“You see Singapore? After one once-in-50-years flood in 2011, suddenly every year will have four or five once-in-50-years flood.”

“Now Thailand also have.”

 

 

 

 

Karma not apologetic about Vivian Balakrishnan’s jogging track under water

Karma not apologetic about Vivian Balakrishnan’s jogging track under water

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Heavy downpour was supposed to assist in washing hawker centre ceilings, Karma says.

On Vivian Balakrishnan’s Facebook:
vivian-jogging-track

Karma, the Universe’s way of putting things back in equilibrium, has issued a statement to New Nation to say that it submerged Minister for Environment and Water Resources Vivian Balakrishnan’s jogging track for good reason.

Karma, said via email that the intention of sending such a downpour today in Singapore was actually to help wash hawker centre ceilings: “I wanted to wash the hawker centre ceilings with the heavy downpour, so that they will be as clean as local politics.”

“And if the drain floods over in the meantime as a result, well, karma.”

Floodwater caused ponding in many parts of Singapore

Floodwater caused ponding in many parts of Singapore

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Deceased RWS dolphin sends storm warning to island-state.

A massive torrential downpour struck all parts of Singapore on Friday afternoon resulting in floodwater causing ponding to occur in various parts of the island.

Enjoy water skiing? Why not head down to Yishun every time it rains? Or go to where the ponding is! Photo stolen from Sailesh Aswath.

A Public Utilities Board spokesperson, Loh Tua Hor, said the ponding was a result of unforeseen stormy weather and we shouldn’t focus on reporting such negative aspects of urban living in Singapore.

We should be more like The Straits Times, for example, where there is more good news than the Bible.

However, a professional medium consulted by New Nation said the ominous dark skies at 430 p.m. on a Friday afternoon is in fact a warning issued by Mother Nature, who is bent on fighting back against humanity’s evil ways the same way Na’vi inhabitants of Pandora fought back against humans in the movie, Avatar.

A day after a RWS dolphin died on its way to Singapore, Mother Nature sends its wrath. Photo stolen from Xue Jianyue.

It is believed that the originator of the weather warning is from the recently deceased Resorts World Sentosa male bottlenose dolphin, Wen Wen, who died on Thursday while on its way from the Philippines to Singapore, where it was supposed to spend the rest of its existence entertaining humans in an aquarium.

Zhou Tang Kee, the medium, said: “RWS thinks it can get away with this. It won’t. Nature works in mysterious ways.”

“It will take 10,000 years before this sin can be washed away.”

RIP Wen Wen. Those bastards will pay.

Paranoia is a legitimate feeling

Paranoia is a legitimate feeling

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Especially if you spend too much time online.

By Belmont Lay

It is difficult not to feel paranoid online some times.

If you’ve been following the news, you might have heard about the hoax propagated by the Temasek Review Facebook fan page and a blog called Temasek Revealed stating that a 19-year-old Singapore Armed Forces serviceman was shot dead during training.

Pretty terrifying stuff, right?

Subsequently, MINDEF came out pretty quickly to debunk the hoax. Kudos to them.

You heard of this too, didn’t you? Wait, you mean you have a conspiracy theory with regards to that, you say?

Now get a load of this: The website TR Emeritus is denying it has any ties with the hoaxers at Temasek Review Facebook fan page or Temasek Revealed and that these entities are run by different people and administrators.

Nobody knows who these people are anyways, but that’s supposed to add to the paranoia, right?

And to make things even more confusing, TR Emeritus is claiming to be different and not associated with another previous blog called Temasek Review Emeritus that has apparently been shut down with some police investigation pending.

Well, if you think that someone, somewhere is screwing with your mind right now, yes, it is definitely a legitimate feeling.

Because get a load of this too: The Public Utilities Board is planning to spend $750 million of taxpayers’ money to fight floods in the next five years.

Look, if any government is going to spend three-quarters of a billion dollars to make drains bigger, I mean seriously, anything can happen, right?

Especially after Vivien Balakrishnan said two weeks ago that planning for droughts should be a priority for Singapore.

I mean, GTFO, right?

Breaking news: God claims responsibility for Friday flash floods in S’pore

Breaking news: God claims responsibility for Friday flash floods in S’pore

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Flooding by The Almighty was in response to inane ministerial comment last week about droughts being a worry.

By Yew Tok Kok
Additional reporting by Hor Gao Gan

(Image not rendered to scale and any resemblance to actual deity is purely a coincidence. Or prophecy.)

The freakish flash floods that occurred yesterday afternoon at some parts of Singapore was no unlucky event, as God himself has stepped forward to claim credit for causing it on purpose.

Speaking over Skype, the 6,000-year-old entity said He single-handedly caused the flash floods at Veerasamy Road and Thomson Road on Friday afternoon “as a form of rebuke against hubris and false knowledge”.

Last week, environ-MENTAL minister Vivien Balakrishnan said, rather inanely, after a recent series of high-profile floods in Singapore: “A prolonged drought is something of a greater worry to me than a flash flood, which can be resolved over 15 minutes to half an hour”.

This statement proved to be too tempting for The Almighty to not act on it.

Within a week, The Consuming Fire reacted with a torrent of H2O to show that he means business and to re-emphasise that droughts ought to be the least of anyone’s worries because Singapore is a tropical island that is situated along a geographical region exposed to torrential outbursts of wet weather all year round and it doesn’t bode well that we have also become a concrete jungle.

Besides the Lord’s fury, Vivien’s inane comment about prioritising droughts over floods has also drawn widespread ridicule from Singaporeans.

The flooding is also exceptionally timely and gratifying as it caps a week or even a month of foot-in-mouth incidents involving the PAP, and on one occasion, the incumbent and chye tow kuey.

But make no mistake, The Most High is not done with His rinsing of Singapore’s roads, low-lying or otherwise.

Speaking in his infamous cryptic language and referring to himself in the megalomaniacal third-person, The Alpha and Omega hinted that he might unleash his Godly powers again as he chose his words and tone in the gravely, yet majestic, Kings James version style: “Get thee behind me, Vivien. Thou shalt not bear false witness or serve as a false prophet, for thine powers are unworthy and limited.”

“Thou shalt voteth opposition”, he sublimated.

“Or else, ye tempts fate to tempt thee”, he added.

Changing lingo to sound more urban, He also explained His penchant for wet weather: “You know the story about Noah and The Great Flood? It was done for dramatic effect. If I chose a drought, you know how long and tedious and non-dramatic death would take?”

“Yup, four weeks. And that’s a long time in biblical terms, considering I’m only here for six millennia so far.”

“I’ve got other wars to start, you know”.