Tag Archive | "fail"

S’poreans react to all 3 lifts breaking down in 33-storey Woodlands HDB block

S’poreans react to all 3 lifts breaking down in 33-storey Woodlands HDB block

Tags: , , ,


Three thoughts you must have had.

woodlands-lifts-spoil

Residents staying in the 33-storey Housing Board development block of flats at Block 302A Woodlands Street 31 were stranded on Sunday evening after all three lifts broke down for about four hours until 10pm.

Many had to climb the stairs back to their unit.

The Woodlands Peak project was completed just last year for mostly elderly residents in 112 studio apartments. The remaining 110 units are two- and three-room flats.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “This must be Workers’ Party’s and AHTC’s fault again.”
Zhe Dian Tui, 43-year-old technician

 

sian-half-uncle “There is no such thing as a blame culture in Singapore so this is just a learning process as the pain and regret of climbing up the stairs is punishment enough.”
Mei Yew Chuo, 67-year-old ex-civil servant

 

happy-bird-girl “Fortunately, this happened in a PAP ward so this makes it an isolated incident.”
Gugu Zi Bai, 18-year-old waitress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





DBSS flats to be made closer to each other to improve social cohesiveness, neighbourly love

DBSS flats to be made closer to each other to improve social cohesiveness, neighbourly love

Tags: , ,


This is to celebrate 50 years of nation-building.

dbss-pasir-ris-fail

As part of Singapore’s nation-building efforts, new flats developed under the Design, Build and Sell Scheme (DBSS) will be specially designed to improve social cohesiveness.

This after it was discovered that common corridors outside the relatively new Pasir Ris ONE DBSS flats were barely 1.2 metres wide and units were situated close to each other.

One Singaporean home owner, See Baey Zai, said this has helped him a lot in getting to know his neighbours better: “When I meet my neighbours and we walk past each other in the corridor, we will dry hump each other and our crotch will meet.”

“It is a great way to go back to the days of kampong living, where everyone would have interacted with everyone else on an intimate level.”

Other home owners said their experience at the Pasir Ris ONE flats are no different from those at another DBSS development in Toa Payoh.

dbss-toa-payoh-fail

Mei You Wei, another home owner, said: “Now I can hear my neighbours make love at night. It puts my wife and I in the mood as well.”

“I can tell when my neighbour is showering as I can hear the sound of water splattering.”

“And when my neighbour cook Nissin cup noodle I can smell also.”

“But having our doors close together like this means we have to learn what it means to give and take: We must open the door one at a time. If we both open together, both sides also cannot come out.”

“That means in times of fire, we will both die together when we try to come out at the same time. But at least, we will die with the knowledge we are good neighbours who perish together.”

 

 

 

 

 











Making DBSS flats closer to each other improves social cohesiveness, neighbourly love

Making DBSS flats closer to each other improves social cohesiveness, neighbourly love

Tags: , ,


This is to celebrate 50 years of nation-building.

dbss-pasir-ris-fail

As part of Singapore’s nation-building efforts, owners of the new Pasir Ris ONE flats developed under the Design, Build and Sell Scheme (DBSS) have been told that their homes have been specially designed to improve social cohesiveness.

This after it was discovered that common corridors outside the flats were barely 1.2 metres wide and units were situated close to each other.

One Singaporean home owner, See Baey Zai, said: “When I meet my neighbours and we walk past each other in the corridor, we will dry hump each other and our crotch will meet.”

“It is a great way to go back to the days of kampong living, where everyone would have interacted with everyone else on an intimate level.”

Other home owners said their experience at the Pasir Ris ONE flats are no different from those at another DBSS development in Toa Payoh.

dbss-toa-payoh-fail

Mei You Wei, another home owner, said: “Now I can hear my neighbours make love at night. It puts my wife and I in the mood as well.”

“I can tell when my neighbour is showering as I can hear the sound of water splattering.”

“And when my neighbour cook Nissin cup noodle I can smell also.”

“But having our doors close together like this means we have to learn what it means to give and take: We must open the door one at a time. If we both open together, both sides also cannot come out.”

“That means in times of fire, we will both die together when we try to come out at the same time. But at least, we will die with the knowledge we are good neighbours who perish together.”

 

Dream home for Singaporeans:

Couple renovates 4-room Punggol HDB flat to look like interior of LKY’s 38 Oxley Road home property

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans apologise to Scoot CEO: ‘Sorry we make your aeroplane spoil & give you money’

S’poreans apologise to Scoot CEO: ‘Sorry we make your aeroplane spoil & give you money’

Tags: , , ,


They promise they will be better passengers next time and pledged to remain calm even if delay is 48 hours.

scoot-delay

Singaporeans from all walks of life who pay lesser money to take budget aeroplanes have come out to collectively apologise to Scoot CEO Campbell Wilson.

This after they caused his airline’s Singapore-to-Perth flight to delay for more than 21 hours on Saturday evening, which caused the Scoot CEO to write a heartfelt apology where he said the airline is not responsible for reimbursing the hotel stays of affected passengers because it is stated clearly in the terms and conditions.

Da Fei Ji, a passenger who was affected, said: “I’m sorry Campbell Wilson, great CEO of Scoot, solver of passengers’ problems. It is my fault and the fault of my fellow passengers as our presence on your aeroplane caused it to spoil.”

“We also deeply regret that we made you take time out of your busy day to write an apology. It shouldn’t have to come down to this: Addressing the concerns of your passengers.”

“This problem is certainly above your pay scale, Mr CEO Great Man. We should just give you all our money because you deserve it and then ask for your forgiveness.”

Other passengers said they will behave themselves better next time Scoot breaks down again and will tolerate delays of up to 48 hours without demanding assistance and information like how other paying customers are treated.

Dui Bu Qi, another passenger, said: “All the passengers shouldn’t have taken the flight together in the first place. If we all took the plane at another time, this wouldn’t have happened and caused you so much trouble and put you in a difficult position.”

“How inconsiderate of us.”

At press time, other passengers are still kneeling down outside Scoots office begging for forgiveness.

 

S’poreans have been deeply sorry:

S’poreans apologise to Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew for causing public transport fares to increase again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





God reminds JEM shopping mall in Jurong East He is not done razing the place to the ground

God reminds JEM shopping mall in Jurong East He is not done razing the place to the ground

Tags: , ,


Another day, another sign.

din-tai-fung-jem-shit

God has sent a message to JEM shopping mall in Jurong East once again for the umpteenth time that He is still serious about razing the place to the ground.

This after the the Alpha And Omega sent a jet of what, witnesses said, is most likely faeces water bursting forth from an overhead pipe over the diners in Din Tai Fung restaurant on Thursday evening.

One onlooker, Xing Ye Shu, said: “I thought that the fire that broke out near the H&M boutique at JEM shopping mall on Good Friday night this year could well have been the final warning sent by God to His people.”

“But it looks like He is willing to show some mercy and allow His warning signs to be spread far and wide before adopting harder-hitting action.”

However, other eye witnesses said God’s warning signs should be heeded without further ado as He seems to be getting a hang of pushing out viral messages via social media, signalling He’s serious.

Shang Dian Tang, another local, said: “The Lord God Almighty seems very in tune with the times. All His signs these days are visual spectacles and go viral easily on social media.”

“In the past, He had to rely on truly greater spectacles, such as plagues and floods, but now, He has micro-control of indoor environments as well, making things pop, burn and blow in a shopping mall.”

“Now that’s a sign of divine power.”

 

Fire at JEM mall in Jurong East on Good Friday night could be final warning by God

7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











Fire at JEM mall in Jurong East on Good Friday night could be final warning by God

Fire at JEM mall in Jurong East on Good Friday night could be final warning by God

Tags: , , , ,


This is it, folks.

jem-mall-good-friday-2015

A fire that broke out near the H&M boutique at JEM shopping mall at Jurong East on Good Friday night could well be the last warning sent by God to His people.

The incident took place around 10pm on April 3, 2015.

This marks the 8th sign God has sent JEM mall.

Previously, His seven signs went largely unheeded in 2014 and The Merciful One could be trying to warn his people one more time, before He destroys the shopping centre for good by razing it down to the ground.

According to the Singapore Civil Defence Force, the blaze on the first level had started from electrical wires in the exterior wall of the building but shoppers were undeterred and continued in their pursuit of consumerist practices even when it was clear woe would befall them.

One shopper, Xing Ye Shu, said she is confident the eighth sign won’t be the last as there will probably be 10 signs in total, like what she saw on the cartoon The Prince of Egypt and the movie Exodus: Gods and Kings, starring Batman Christian Bale: “I still have time. Next week still got sale. No need to repent so soon.”

“Anyway there is still JCube.”

 

Heed God’s word now:

7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans request Singtel, Gushcloud management to commit hara-kiri

S’poreans request Singtel, Gushcloud management to commit hara-kiri

Tags: , , , ,


This is the standard practice in Singapore if you commit lapses.

gushcloud-fail

Singaporeans from all walks of life who would take their own lives for causing any error, have requested the management of Singtel and Gushcloud to commit hara-kiri.

This after the Singtel CEO apologised to both M1 and StarHub for smearing them by appointing Gushcloud, a company that supposedly has influence, to pay its influencers to complain publicly about Singtel’s rivals.

One Singaporean, Qu Zi Sha, said: “Everybody makes mistakes but since you have sworn on your family to take responsibility, you have no choice but to commit hara-kiri.”

“It is only through committing suicide that we can put this sad episode to rest. This is the PAP way of doing things and Minister Khaw Boon Wan highly recommends it.”

However, before Singtel and Gushcloud commit hara-kiri together, they can be glad they have been effective in what they do by achieving the objectives of their marketing plans, which is to get noticed by the public-at-large through their actions and misdeeds.

One Singaporean, Zhen Tian Zhen, who likes to look on the bright side of life, said: “Wow, this Gushcloud must be really influencer. They managed to get so many social media mentions for Singtel with their smear campaign. No wonder Singtel hired them in the first place.”

 

Kill yourself, please:

Numerous PAP MPs put on 24-hour suicide watch after Khaw Boon Wan said commit suicide because of lapses

S’poreans accept blame for Circle Line rush hour disruption, will commit suicide for lapses

Wear White campaign organiser realises white is made out of gay colours

Wear White campaign organiser realises white is made out of gay colours

Tags: , , , ,


They are rethinking their campaign.

By David Tan

pink-floyd-dark-side

The Wear White campaigners made a shocking discovery today, so severe that it has forced the organiser to rethink their colour scheme.

This comes after one of the more learned campaigners, who paid attention in class last time, remembered that in one of the physics lesson, the color white is in fact made up of a combination of all seven constituent colours of the rainbow.

This color scheme is often referred to as the LGBT pride colours or also known as, “Unicorn vomit”.

The organiser, who made the discovery and who declined to be named, said: “I was listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon, a band that has no relation to Pink Dot, I must add, when I noticed their album’s cover art.”

“This is very distressing news for us here at the Wear White campaign movement.”

However, he later added, in hindsight: “Actually, this shows just how insidious and evil the gay agenda is, to be incorporating their symbol into something as innocent as the colour white. I fear for the lives of children all around the world who are being brainwashed to accept the gay agenda due to their exposure to white light.”

 

Mixed messages by our prime minister:

PM Lee does the ‘A’ as in ‘YMCA’ one week after announcing S’pore not ready for gay marriage

 

 

 











Earth Hour participants throw rubbish on the floor to see how fast it biodegrades

Earth Hour participants throw rubbish on the floor to see how fast it biodegrades

Tags: ,


They defend their actions by saying this is “For science”.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Participants at Earth Hour outside Marina Bay Sands on March 29 were so immersed in the planet-saving spirit they carried out their own science experiment about carbon footprint.

The participants took turns to throw rubbish on the floor in a bid to find out how long it takes before the refuse biodegrades.

One participant, Diu La Ji, said: “We throw the rubbish on the floor to check how fast they break down and return to the Earth.”

“This is a feasibility study to test the effects of rubbish and because carbon footprint.”

Other Singaporeans who witnessed the experiment were very excited that participants were using science that they did not do anything to stop it.

One local, Jiang Dao Li, said: “Anyway, even if the rubbish doesn’t biodegrade fast enough, there is always a cleaner to clean it up also.”

“If we clean it up ourselves, it will deprive other people of jobs.”

MH370 news: Channel News Asia headline FAIL

MH370 news: Channel News Asia headline FAIL

Tags: , ,


Not sure if trolling, but most likely stupid.

Channel News Asia has uploaded a news piece on Facebook about the missing Malaysia Airlines plane MH370:

CNA-headline-fail

HEADLINE FAIL

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

M’sia newspaper stupidly republishes New Nation article about divorcee demanding ang baos

Tags: , , , ,


New Nation wins one for Singapore, trolls Malaysia.

During Chinese New Year, New Nation published a half-assed article about a divorcee demanding ang baos.

It was picked up by a Malaysian Chinese newspaper, Guang Ming Daily, and publicised on their Facebook that has 424,000 fans:
guang-ming-daily

 

This shows that Malaysian Chinese newspapers are in the same league as Singapore’s Lianhe Wanbao, who wrote to New Nation asking about the same story:

lianhe-wanbao-joyce

Lianhe Wanbao reporter believes everything she reads on the Internet

Lianhe Wanbao reporter believes everything she reads on the Internet

Tags: , , , , ,


She thinks everyone is as stupid as the readers of Lianhe Wanbao.

So, New Nation put out a half-assed article a few days ago about a scuffle that broke out on Chinese New Year over ang baos:

scuffle-wanbao

 

And look who came a-knockin’:

lianhe-wanbao-joyce

Dear, not everyone believes everything they read. Maybe except you and your Lianhe Wanbao readers.

More S’poreans praise efficacy of spitting on their EZ-Link cards

More S’poreans praise efficacy of spitting on their EZ-Link cards

Tags: , , ,


They realised spitting on EZ-Link cards help solve all public transport woes.

spit-ez-link

More Singaporeans from all walks of life who ride on public transport are praising the efficacy of spitting on one’s EZ-Link card as a way to resolve problems.

The idea of spitting on one’s own EZ-Link card when a public transport problem occurs was mooted by Gilbert Goh, a seasoned protest organiser.

One spitter, Pui Chao Nua, said: “After I spit on my EZ-Link card already, I put back into my wallet, my wallet become wet wet.”

“Once I was on this train that was moving very slowly. So I took out my EZ-Link card and spat repeatedly on it.”

“The train was still moving very slowly after that. And I was fined $1,000 for public spitting. Thank you, Gilbert Goh.”

More protesters against fare hike could have showed up at Hong Lim Park if they did not lose their way

More protesters against fare hike could have showed up at Hong Lim Park if they did not lose their way

Tags: , , ,


Thousands of Hong Lim Park protesters failed to get to venue when they boycotted public transport as symbolic statement.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

In a bid to make a protest statement against the recent public transport fare hike, several thousand Singaporeans boycotted taking the buses and trains on Jan. 25 as they decided to make their way on foot or bicycle to Hong Lim Park to join the protest against the increase in transport costs.

However, only 300 protesters eventually showed up, close to 90 minutes late, as thousands of others got lost along the way and didn’t make it altogether.

One of the protesters who got lost, Mi Lu Le, said: “I wanted to walk from Ang Mo Kio to Hong Lim Park. But by the time I got to Ang Mo Kio Avenue 10, I got tired and went to drink beer at the coffee shop.”

“I took a cab home afterwards.”

However, those who failed to make the protest were grateful that they got lost.

This after they found out that the protest organiser, Gilbert Goh, asked protesters who were gathered at Hong Lim Park to spit on their EZ-Link cards as a sign of displeasure.

One Singaporean, Hoh Lan Kia, who did not attend the protest as a result of not taking public transport to the venue, said: “I heard a lot of the protesters spit already then remembered never bring tissue, then cannot clean the nua. Fail.”

Trending Travel Videos