Tag Archive | "ERP"

S’poreans urged to be as resilient as ERP gantries that never break down

S’poreans urged to be as resilient as ERP gantries that never break down

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The symbol of strength.

erp-gantry-bugis

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are bracing themselves for a economically bruising 2017, have been urged to be more resilient like ERP gantries.

This after ERP gantries have been discovered to never break down in Singapore, making them a technological marvel.

One Singaporean, Bu Hui Huai, said: “If Singaporeans are as hardy as ERP gantries, our economy will grow at 10 percent per annum again.”

“No slowdown can hurt us, no fall in exports can bring us down.”

“It’s a wonder how everything breaks down all the time, such as the MRT trains and even the the CPF website also went down, but the ERP gantry has stood the test of time and withstood all weather conditions.”

“Maybe Singapore needs to honour the ERP gantries this National Day.”

“We should, in fact, shout ‘ERP Gantry’ instead of ‘Majulah’.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Output-based pricing makes ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

Output-based pricing makes ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

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Singaporeans respond to Khaw who said distance-based ERP system is fairer.

erp-gantry-pricing-khaw

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe in harnessing technology since it is available and that people should be paid according to talent, have come up with a response to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Khaw said the upcoming distance-based pricing will make ERP system fairer as it will allow the implementation of charges according to distance travelled.

One Singaporean, Hua Tua Qia, said he fully supports this idea as technology should be harnessed to make things more efficient and fair: “Singapore also needs to start paying ministers according to work done and compensating them according to problems solved, or at least pegging their salaries according to their IQs.”

“At the very least, ministers should be paid according to how many lives in Singapore they have made better.”

“Going by this logic, Tharman will get about S$3 million a year, Lee Hsien Loong maybe about $10,000 and Khaw Boon Wan owes all Singaporeans money.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP so that gantries will spoil & send back to China

S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP so that gantries will spoil & send back to China

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A switching of roles will greatly benefit everyone.

desmond-kuek-media

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to drive because public transport is for nation-building efforts, have come out to offer some advice.

They are urging SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) as Chief Executive Officer instead, as this will help ERP gantries island-wide to break down more frequently and develop hairline cracks, which will cause them to be sent back to China for repair for several years.

One Singaporean, Mei Huai Guo, said: “Things that must spoil, don’t spoil. Things that shouldn’t spoil, always spoil. Why like that?”

“CTE weekday morning ERP rate is $5 for cars. If one month can spoil twice, I would be so happy.”

Other Singaporeans said even if the SMRT CEO is unable to make the full transition to ERP and help their gantries to spoil more often, he should still go there on a short stint to learn how they make their thing not spoil so often.

Another Singaporean, Didi Pai, said: “Life in Singapore can be made so much happier if things can just turn out another way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Collapsed Bukit Batok linkway replaced with indestructible sheltered ERP gantry

Collapsed Bukit Batok linkway replaced with indestructible sheltered ERP gantry

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This is to ensure it will never collapse ever again.

Original photo stolen from Yeo Kai Wen

Original photo stolen from Yeo Kai Wen

The linkway that collapsed at Block 118, Bukit Batok West Avenue 6 has been replaced with a new sheltered ERP gantry.

This after the linkway that connected two blocks of flats was knocked over by a lorry.

The authorities then discovered that building material that never falters and will never break apart can be found in ERP gantries and decided to erect one to be a replacement.

One building consultant, Jian Fang Zi, said: “According to Singapore history, ERP gantries will never spoil.”

“In fact, anything that collects money will never spoil. We found the same material used in MRT gantries.”

“You can turn off the power, set it on fire or chop it with an axe, it will still stand.”

Singaporeans said this is a good idea moving forward as pedestrians who want to use the sheltered ERP walkway will then have to pay a toll and carry an IU around and put on their heads.

Another local, Didi Heng Lui, said: “This is called Tragedy of the Commons. Everybody want to use this sheltered walkway public good, but nobody wants to pay or protect it.”

“By imposing a usage tax, the sheltered ERP walkway will deter people from using it, hence, further preserving its longevity as it will not suffer as much wear and tear.”

“Truly Singapore.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Shut down ERP all over S’pore for rest of the month as mark of respect for Lee Kuan Yew

Shut down ERP all over S’pore for rest of the month as mark of respect for Lee Kuan Yew

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He would have wanted it, yes.

erp-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe they must not shy away from paying tribute to those who deserve it, have formally written to the government urging them to shut down all ERPs for the rest of the month as a mark of respect for the first prime minister, Lee Kuan Yew.

This after hundreds of events and tributes have been put up all over Singapore during this one-year anniversary of his passing, but none have been significant enough to impact the DNA of society like a ERP shutdown can.

One Singaporean, Yee Ah Pee, said he understands the rationale behind this gesture: “It was a difficult decision for Lee Kuan Yew to make years ago when he had to even consider allowing ERPs to operate in Singapore.”

“As we have seen so far, ERPs have brought nothing but strive and debt to thousands of people and ruined countless of lives.”

“As a mark of respect, it is imperative for both ERPs be shut down and have all their revenue for the rest of the year donated to charity.”

At press time, Singaporeans are also petitioning the government for free bus and train travel for the rest of the week.

 

 

 

 

 











Output-based pricing will make ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

Output-based pricing will make ministerial salaries fairer, S’poreans tell Transport Minister

Tags: , , ,


Singaporeans respond to Khaw who said distance-based ERP system is fairer.

erp-gantry-pricing-khaw

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe in harnessing technology since it is available and that people should be paid according to talent, have come up with a response to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after Khaw said the upcoming distance-based pricing will make ERP system fairer as it will allow the implementation of charges according to distance travelled.

One Singaporean, Hua Tua Qia, said he fully supports this idea as technology should be harnessed to make things more efficient and fair: “Singapore also needs to start paying ministers according to work done and compensating them according to problems solved, or at least pegging their salaries according to their IQs.”

“At the very least, ministers should be paid according to how many lives in Singapore they have made better.”

“Going by this logic, Tharman will get about S$3 million a year, Lee Hsien Loong maybe about $10,000 and Khaw Boon Wan owes all Singaporeans money.”

Letting motorists pay with Majulahs will show Majulahs are valuable.

Posted by We Are Kanina on Tuesday, March 15, 2016

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans urged to be as resilient as ERP gantries as they never break down

S’poreans urged to be as resilient as ERP gantries as they never break down

Tags: ,


The symbol of strength.

erp-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are bracing themselves for a economically bruising 2016, have been urged to be more resilient like ERP gantries.

This after ERP gantries have been discovered to never break down in Singapore, making them a technological marvel.

One Singaporean, Bu Hui Huai, said: “If Singaporeans are as hardy as ERP gantries, our economy will grow at 10 percent per annum again.”

“No slowdown can hurt us, no fall in exports can bring us down.”

“It’s a wonder how everything breaks down all the time, such as the MRT trains and even the the CPF website also went down, but the ERP gantry has stood the test of time and withstood all weather conditions.”

“Maybe Singapore needs to honour the ERP gantries this National Day.”

“We should, in fact, shout ‘ERP Gantry’ instead of ‘Majulah’.”

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP instead so that gantries spoil more regularly

S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP instead so that gantries spoil more regularly

Tags: , ,


A switching of roles will greatly benefit everyone.

desmond-kuek-media

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to drive because public transport is for nation-building efforts, have come out to offer some advice.

They are urging SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) as chief instead, as this will help ERP gantries island-wide to break down more frequently.

One Singaporean, Mei Huai Guo, said: “Things that must spoil, don’t spoil. Things that shouldn’t spoil, always spoil. Why like that?”

“CTE weekday morning ERP rate is $5 for cars. If one month can spoil twice, I would be so happy.”

Other Singaporeans said even if the SMRT CEO is unable to make the full transition to ERP and help their gantries to spoil more often, he should still go there on a short stint to learn how they make their thing not spoil so often.

Another Singaporean, Didi Pai, said: “Life in Singapore can be made so much happier if things can just turn out another way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Shut down ERP all over S’pore for rest of the year as mark of respect for Lee Kuan Yew, S’poreans petition govt

Shut down ERP all over S’pore for rest of the year as mark of respect for Lee Kuan Yew, S’poreans petition govt

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He would have wanted it, yes.

erp-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life who are mourning the passing of Lee Kuan Yew on an unprecedented scale, have formally written to the government urging them to shut down all ERPs for the rest of the year as a mark of respect for the founding prime minister.

This after it was announced that Resorts World Sentosa casino will be closed from 2pm to 6pm after Singaporeans successfully petitioned for its closure.

This news follows the announcement that all Singapore Pools branches, authorised retail outlets and Livewire venues will be closed on Sunday with vice put on hold as a sign of respect.

One Singaporean, Yee Ah Pee, said he understands the rationale behind this gesture: “It was a difficult decision for Lee Kuan Yew to make and for him to even consider allowing ERPs to operate in Singapore.”

“As we have seen so far, ERPs have brought nothing but strive and debt to thousands of people and ruined countless of lives.”

“As a mark of respect, it is imperative for both ERPs be shut down and have all their revenue for the rest of the year donated to charity.”

 

Because we managed to shut down one casino:

Shut down casinos on Sunday as mark of respect for Lee Kuan Yew, S’poreans petition government

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans hope ERP CEO can join SMRT to help trains run as smoothly as gantries

S’poreans hope ERP CEO can join SMRT to help trains run as smoothly as gantries

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ERP system forever never breaks down in Singapore.

lrt-bukit-panjang-breakdown

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who enjoy taking public transport because cars are for rich people, are requesting that the CEO in charge of Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) to join SMRT.

This after the MRT train system broke down twice in one day last week and the Bukit Panjang LRT system completely failed to move on March 9, 2015, causing commuters to walk on the tracks.

One Singaporean, Didi Pai, said: “The CEO of ERP must be a very good leader because he cause ERP gantries to never break down before, forever working perfectly, beep beep beep, deducting money all year round, no problem.”

“He should teach SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek a few tricks on how to make the trains not break down.”

Other Singaporeans said CEOs of other organisations should also consider having a short chat with the SMRT CEO to exchange ideas.

Ho Seh Wan, a local, said: “I think the CEOs of GIRO and CPF should go and talk to the SMRT CEO.”

“GIRO and CPF damn satki one, whole year also work very well, very punctual, deduct money on the dot, never spoil or delay before one.”

 

Why SMRT cannot learn from ERP?

S’pore’s ERP named a technological marvel as it is the opposite of SMRT train system

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore’s ERP named a technological marvel as it is the opposite of SMRT train system

S’pore’s ERP named a technological marvel as it is the opposite of SMRT train system

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Why can’t they teach SMRT a thing or two?

erp-singapore

Singapore’s Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) system has been named the world’s top infrastructure development as it has never broken down before.

The Infrastructure 100: World Markets Report by KPMG International, released on Dec. 1, hailed the ERP as a system that is completely opposite of SMRT trains.

The assessment from a panel of independent industry experts who had evaluated more than 400 projects, described the ERP system as a universal symbol of hate and for putting loathing in the hearts of ordinary Singaporeans as it keeps taking and taking money from innocent people.

Yi Ah Pee, one of the report’s local judges, said: “As Singaporean motorists can attest, the ERP is the only system that never breaks down in Singapore. The MRT can break down, the escalator always need servicing and your car sometimes also kee qia, but ERP forever will stand there silently and deduct your money remorselessly.”

“You can ask around all the motorists in Singapore. Who has encountered an ERP that has broken down once before? Everyday you drive past, it is working. It is as if they found a way for this piece of electronic gadget to never break down. Why can’t MRT train never break down too?”

Singaporeans have in the past mooted the idea for the CEO in charge of ERP to join SMRT to teach them a trick or two about not spoiling.

At press time, all ERP systems in Singapore are working as they should island-wide.

 

S’poreans urge ERP CEO to join SMRT to make trains work as smoothly as gantries

Tossing replicas of ERP gantry into sea incurs LTA’s wrath

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans urge ERP CEO to join SMRT to make trains work as smoothly as gantries

S’poreans urge ERP CEO to join SMRT to make trains work as smoothly as gantries

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ERP CEO doing an excellent job, can show SMRT CEO some tricks on how to make things work perfectly.

mrt-track-walk

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who enjoy taking public transport because cars are for rich people, are requesting that the CEO in charge of Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) join SMRT.

This after the MRT train system broke down again moved slower than expected on Sunday evening between Tanah Merah and Changi Airport stations.

One Singaporean, Mei Wen Ti, said: “The CEO of ERP must be a very good leader because he cause ERP gantries to never break down before. Forever working perfectly, beep beep beep, deducting money all year round, no problem.”

“He should teach SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek a few tricks on how to make the trains not break down.”

Other Singaporeans say CEOs of other organisations should also consider having a short chat with the SMRT CEO to exchange ideas.

Ho Seh Wan, a local, said: “I think the CEOs of GIRO and CPF should also go and talk to the SMRT CEO.”

“GIRO and CPF damn satki one, whole year also work very well, very punctual, deduct money on the dot, never spoil or delay before one.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Massive jams on MCE justify need for at least 7 more ERP gantries

Massive jams on MCE justify need for at least 7 more ERP gantries

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This is to help ease conditions especially on days with heavy flow.

mce-jam

Singapore is looking into installing up to seven Electronic Road Pricing gantries along the Marina Coastal Expressway.

This is to help ease traffic flow after massive jams and bottlenecks occurred in the first two days the $4.3 billion MCE opened to the public three days ago.

However, Singapore has reassured drivers that the ERP prices will be adjusted according to traffic flow and costs incurred by the vehicles will be staggered.

An ERP spokesperson, who declined to be named for fear of reprisal, said: “The congestion on MCE is a sign that ERP is needed to help improve traffic flow.”

“So the plan is: From 730 a.m. to 8 a.m., a typical car travelling down MCE will pay $5 at the first gantry and $5.50 at the second gantry and $6 at the third gantry and so on.”

“This is called staggered pricing so by the time the car reach the seventh gantry, it will be about $45 in total.”

Drivers that New Nation spoke to said they believe the ERP gantries on MCE will improve traffic conditions in the long term.

Yi Ming Le, a Singaporean, said: “I’m sure the MCE jam will clear up once the ERP gantries come up.”

“This is because most Singaporeans will have emigrated by then.”

 

 

 

 

ERP on some gantries to go up to $48 by year end

ERP on some gantries to go up to $48 by year end

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This after drivers complain and question why ERP will rise to an arbitrary $6 level next month.

ERP rates will have more rationale.

ERP rates will have more rationale.

After it was announced that at least four gantries will have their ERP raised to an arbitrary $6 mark, Singaporean drivers are complaining that there is no rationale why should congestion tax be this price.

To combat this perception, the transport authorities have decided to lend credence to the benchmark by making ERP rates $48 by the end of the year.

The $48 level is to go hand-in-hand with Singapore’s 48th anniversary this year.

Singaporeans interviewed said they are grateful for this explanation to dispel notions of arbitrariness.

One local, Boh Hua Qia, said: “Thank goodness the authorities didn’t raise it to $90.”