Tag Archive | "durian"

Immoral durians seized in overnight Geylang raid

Immoral durians seized in overnight Geylang raid

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They put a unique taste in your mouths.

durian-penis

Singapore’s war on immoral fruits hit a high note as authorities carried out an overnight raid in Geylang, sending sellers of durian with objectionable shapes and sizes scrambling to evade arrest.

More than few hundred kilograms of immoral fruits were seized in the raids as authorities work round the clock to uncover another several thousand kilograms of it stashed in warehouses all over the island.

Calling for stiff sentences to be meted out as a deterrent to others, Chief Police Superintendent See Baey Tng, said while prodding at the balls of flesh of the confiscated durians: “As you can tell, these carefully cultivated durians were grown to titillate the senses.”

“When you put it in your mouth, it explodes on your taste buds, giving you a rich and creamy sensation. People who are not used to the shape and taste might gag initially, but it really grows on you.”

“But what is objectionable is that they put unattainable standards in the minds of women and fetch a high price in the black market, as they are believed to be aphrodisiacs, besides being known to make people giggle.”

“Hence, Singapore needs to take a firm and hard stance against this type of fruit peddling. We cannot simply take things lying down and allow these fruits to penetrate our society’s consciousness.”

Regular-shaped durians have traditionally been imported from Malaysia, but this anatomically-exaggerated variety are believed to have come from Africa.

Singaporeans who heard about the arrests and fruit confiscation were glad action has been taken before things got out of hand and all over their belly.

Jin Deng, a local said: “Clandestine operations that undermine Singapore’s Asian Values and shatter our virginal paradise image must be stopped.”

“I’m glad the authorities have reacted, before things got thorny,” he said while putting on his sunglasses as The Who came on.

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans react to 6-metre fake durian on display at Changi Airport

S’poreans react to 6-metre fake durian on display at Changi Airport

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

fake-durian-changi-airport

Changi Airport has created a six-metre tall durian as part of an exhibition for SG50 called Home Spots. It will feature tourist icons, local dishes and landmarks, and aims to reflect Singapore’s past, present and future. They are located across three terminals.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “This is just like Gardens By The Bay. Got real things don’t want to celebrate, but come and put fake things.”
Jiak Lew Lian, 40-year-old hawker

 

sian-half-uncle “I would be impressed if the exhibition actually smelled like the real thing because it is made of durians.”
See Baey Chao, 60-year-old ex-banker

 

happy-bird-girl “Whoever thought it is a good idea to sit on durians, has some serious fetishes.”
Zhen Bian Tai, 18-year-old plastic surgeon assistant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Overnight raid in Geylang sees authorities seize 500kg of immoral durians

Overnight raid in Geylang sees authorities seize 500kg of immoral durians

Tags: , ,


Sellers could face life imprisonment or death penalty.

durian-penis

Singapore’s war on immoral fruits hit a high note Saturday as authorities carried out an overnight raid in Geylang, sending sellers of durian with objectionable shapes and sizes scrambling to evade arrest.

More than 500kg of immoral fruits were seized in the raids as authorities work round the clock to uncover another several thousand kilograms of it stashed in warehouses all over the island.

Calling for stiff sentences to be meted out as a deterrent to others, Chief Police Superintendent See Baey Tng, said while prodding at the balls of flesh of the confiscated durians: “As you can tell, these carefully cultivated durians were grown to titillate the senses.”

“When you put it in your mouth, it explodes on your taste buds, giving you a rich and creamy sensation. People who are not used to the shape and taste might gag initially, but it really grows on you.”

“But what is objectionable is that they put unattainable standards in the minds of women and fetch a high price in the black market, as they are believed to be aphrodisiacs, besides being known to make people giggle.”

“Hence, Singapore needs to take a firm and hard stance against this type of fruit peddling. We cannot simply take things lying down and allow these fruits to penetrate our society’s consciousness.”

Regular-shaped durians have traditionally been imported from Malaysia, but this anatomically-exaggerated variety are believed to have come from Africa.

Singaporeans who heard about the arrests and fruit confiscation were glad action has been taken before things got out of hand and all over their belly.

Jin Deng, a local said: “Clandestine operations that undermine Singapore’s Asian Values and shatter our virginal paradise image must be stopped.”

“I’m glad the authorities have reacted, before things got thorny,” he said while putting on his sunglasses as The Who came on.

 

First, it was the cactus:

Authorities censor Gardens By The Bay cactus that grew longer than originally planned

 

 

 

 

 











Obama temporarily barred from Air Force One due to durian-breath

Obama temporarily barred from Air Force One due to durian-breath

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We ripped this story from here.

KUALA LUMPUR — US President Barack Obama was denied entry into the presidential plane Air Force One by the Secret Service after having some durians during his 3-day visit to Malaysia. He was reportedly stopped by his own security personnel at the aircraft door and  taken to a nearby airport VIP lounge where he could ‘decontaminate’ his mouth.

Obama escorted away by military personnel

Obama escorted away by military personnel

A Secret Service spokeswoman said that this drastic measure needed to be taken for the safety of the entire plane, as the Asian fruit’s overwhelming smell could overcome the other personnel and endanger the flight.

“We can’t have our pilots or other staff suffocating just because Mr Obama says ‘Hi’ to them. A couple of his security details had to be taken to the emergency room just now when he flashed his grin at the crowd before we left the hotel,” said a spokesperson who declined to be named.

“So, unless POTUS is willing to spend the entire flight to Manila wearing a biohazard suit, we simply cannot allow him on the plane. No way.”

Obama reportedly overpaid for his Mao Shan Wang durians as he did not have spare ringgit on hand, and paid in US dollars instead.

 

 

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