Tag Archive | "Desmond Kuek"

SMRT CEO’s heart in right place, maintenance team signed logs prove

SMRT CEO’s heart in right place, maintenance team signed logs prove

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Checks done regularly to make sure heart is okay.



log-smrt-desmond-kuek-heart

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who know where to look for evidence, are glad to hear that SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek’s heart is in the right place.

This after they were shown a signed log book by the SMRT maintenance team proving that their CEO’s heart is where it should be having inspected it.

One SMRT maintenance personnel, Hao Seow, said: “We checked for his heart in the right place every three months. And the past four inspections last year showed that it was all systems go.”

“There was no cutting of corners.”

This statement came after Singaporeans questioned the veracity of the SMRT’s log books.

Another local, Zheng Chang, said: “Despite public doubts, signed quarterly X-ray records dating back over a year prove definitively that the CEO’s heart has consistently been in the right place.”

“Whether or not SMRT owns or has access to an X-ray machine is immaterial, as there is absolutely no reason to suspect that meticulously kept logs may in any way be questionable or inaccurate.”

 

 





Smoke in Tanjong Pagar MRT a tribute to SMRT’s ex-military leader Desmond Kuek

Smoke in Tanjong Pagar MRT a tribute to SMRT’s ex-military leader Desmond Kuek

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Those in the armed forces regularly throw smoke as part of training.

tanjong-pagar-mrt-smoke

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take public transport because cars are for rich people, are relieved to learn that the smoke in Tanjong Pagar MRT was part of a tribute-paying exercise to SMRT’s ex-military leader Desmond Quek.

One Singaporean, Hen Duo Yen, said: “Initially I thought it was a terrorist attack. And then it dawned on me this could be a false alarm to test Singapore’s preparedness in the face of threats.”

“And finally I realised throwing smoke to keep other things hidden might in fact be a way of life for some, such as those in the military.”

Other locals said they thoroughly enjoyed the experience and hope to have more of it happening regularly.

Bai Yee, another local, said: “It really broke up the monotony of the Monday.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP so that gantries will spoil & send back to China

S’poreans urge SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join ERP so that gantries will spoil & send back to China

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A switching of roles will greatly benefit everyone.

desmond-kuek-media

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to drive because public transport is for nation-building efforts, have come out to offer some advice.

They are urging SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek to join Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) as Chief Executive Officer instead, as this will help ERP gantries island-wide to break down more frequently and develop hairline cracks, which will cause them to be sent back to China for repair for several years.

One Singaporean, Mei Huai Guo, said: “Things that must spoil, don’t spoil. Things that shouldn’t spoil, always spoil. Why like that?”

“CTE weekday morning ERP rate is $5 for cars. If one month can spoil twice, I would be so happy.”

Other Singaporeans said even if the SMRT CEO is unable to make the full transition to ERP and help their gantries to spoil more often, he should still go there on a short stint to learn how they make their thing not spoil so often.

Another Singaporean, Didi Pai, said: “Life in Singapore can be made so much happier if things can just turn out another way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans welcome SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek as new Transport Minister so that he can also retire

S’poreans welcome SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek as new Transport Minister so that he can also retire

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He will be in the hot seat and then later also retire.

desmond-kuek-smrt

Singaporeans from all walks of life are mooting the idea that SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek be made the new Transport Minister.

This after Minister Lui Tuck Yew announced his retirement from politics after being in charge of the Ministry of Transport the last four years since 2011 and competition for the position is heating up with Vivan Balakrishnan, Khaw Boon Wan and Yaacob Ibrahim vying for the seat.

The transport ministry has been plagued by unsolvable problems and the transport minister vocation has since been known as the place where office holders go to retire.

Qu Tui Siew, one Singaporean who likes to take public transport because cars are for rich people, said: “If SMRT Desmond Kuek becomes the new transport minister, this will be a way to make him retire.”

“So after he go there and step down, Khaw Boon Wan, Lawrence Wong and Yaacob Ibrahim can all take turns to become transport minister.”

“The transport ministry will be where they can all go and step down.”

At press time, Singaporeans are wondering if there is a way to expedite the process to allow two transport ministers to take office at one time so as to quicken the retirement process.

 

 

 

 

 











Let SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek become new Transport Minister so that he can also retire

Let SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek become new Transport Minister so that he can also retire

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He will be in the hot seat and then later also retire.

desmond-kuek-smrt

Singaporeans from all walks of life are mooting the idea that SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek be made the new Transport Minister.

This after Minister Lui Tuck Yew announced his retirement from politics having been in charge of the Ministry of Transport the last four years since 2011.

The transport ministry has been plagued by unsolvable problems and the transport minister vocation has since been known as the place where office holders go to retire.

Qu Tui Siew, one Singaporean who likes to take public transport because cars are for rich people, said: “If SMRT Desmond Kuek becomes the new transport minister, this will be a way to make him retire.”

“So after he go there and step down, Khaw Boon Wan, Lawrence Wong and Yaacob Ibrahim can all take turns to become transport minister.”

“The transport ministry will be where they can all go and step down.”

At press time, Singaporeans are wondering if there is a way to expedite the process to allow two transport ministers to take office at one time so as to quicken the retirement process.

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans urge ERP CEO to join SMRT to make trains work as smoothly as gantries

S’poreans urge ERP CEO to join SMRT to make trains work as smoothly as gantries

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ERP CEO doing an excellent job, can show SMRT CEO some tricks on how to make things work perfectly.

mrt-track-walk

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who enjoy taking public transport because cars are for rich people, are requesting that the CEO in charge of Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) join SMRT.

This after the MRT train system broke down again moved slower than expected on Sunday evening between Tanah Merah and Changi Airport stations.

One Singaporean, Mei Wen Ti, said: “The CEO of ERP must be a very good leader because he cause ERP gantries to never break down before. Forever working perfectly, beep beep beep, deducting money all year round, no problem.”

“He should teach SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek a few tricks on how to make the trains not break down.”

Other Singaporeans say CEOs of other organisations should also consider having a short chat with the SMRT CEO to exchange ideas.

Ho Seh Wan, a local, said: “I think the CEOs of GIRO and CPF should also go and talk to the SMRT CEO.”

“GIRO and CPF damn satki one, whole year also work very well, very punctual, deduct money on the dot, never spoil or delay before one.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





No news of MRT train disruption this morning makes headline news

No news of MRT train disruption this morning makes headline news

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No train disruption on any given day is actually abnormal.

mrt-station

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take MRT train because cars are for rich people, are eternally grateful to SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek.

This after the MRT train system did not break down this morning as it had already experienced two disruptions on Monday and Wednesday on the North South Line.

This led to Singaporeans rejoicing as it is a different way to start the day.

One Singaporean, Hen Gan Ji, said: “We would like to collectively assure that we Singaporeans do not cause the SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek’s trains to break down again. We are very sorry that we did a few days ago.”

Other Singaporeans said they are glad a lack of MRT breakdowns is starting to make the news these days.

Another local, Shang Bao Zhi, said: “This means Singapore has progressed to the next level already. Oh boy, how times have changed.”

S’poreans apologise to SMRT CEO for causing his trains to frequently break down

S’poreans apologise to SMRT CEO for causing his trains to frequently break down

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They are truly sorry they have to take his trains at the same time causing congestion.

desmond-kuek

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take the MRT train because cars are for rich people, are feeling apologetic and sincerely sorry.

This after they caused the North South MRT Line to break down again this Monday morning during peak hour as they all got ready for work and school at the same time at 7am.

One Singaporean, Jin Soh Lee, said he would like to personally apologise to SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek for causing him inconvenience: “I’m sorry Desmond Kuek. I caused your MRT system to break down again. Please forgive me and my fellow commuters for making you work harder to oversee that there is no more train faults even when all of these problems are not your fault.”

Another Singaporean, Gei Ni Qian, went beyond apologising and insisted on doing more on his part to ensure the quality of MRT trains improve: “I would like to give myself and my fellow commuters the B grade for our performance as the paying public.”

“If we paid more for our fares every year, none of these would have happened.”

“Eh wait…”

 

What happens when the primer minister of Singapore takes the train:
PM Lee finally realises how packed trains are in S’pore

S’poreans concerned about whereabouts of SMRT CEO

S’poreans concerned about whereabouts of SMRT CEO

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His last public appearance was the first day of his job in early October this year.

Several concerned members of the public have put up a missing person notice seeking for any news on the new SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek.

Have you seen him?

The newly-minted CEO was last seen in early October this year, on the first day of his job riding trains:

Desmond Kuek, the new boss of SMRT, is expected to perform miracles to turn things around.

However, since news broke on Monday morning that more than 100 bus drivers from China would rather stand around and stare at their feet than drive buses, SMRT’s CEO has not made any public appearance.

Or released a statement.

Many believe that if it was ex-CEO Saw Phaik Hwa at the helm, she would have shown her face at least twice. And changed hair colour at least thrice.

This has led to various bouts of speculation from the public, many of whom worry Desmond Kuek might have gone back to his roots as a military man, where the 49-year-old was the former Chief of Defence Force.

One concerned citizen, Zhao Bu Tao, expressed his main concern about Kuek’s no-show.

He said: “I heard he used to be from military. What if he decide to put on his No. 4 and camo-cream and hide in the jungle? Confirm no one then can find him!”

Another concerned citizen, Tek Kan King, said the former military man should put his past experience to good use in this present vocation.

Tek said: “He should have asked all 100 China bus drivers knock it down and touch the tree and come back. Then conduct water parade and touch the tree and come back again.”

“Who say like that cannot? Anyway, SMRT bus drivers earn same amount as many NSFs what…”

 

After this episode more than a year later, Singaporeans apologised to the SMRT CEO for causing his trains to break down regularly:
S’poreans apologise to SMRT CEO for causing his trains to frequently break down

SMRT new CEO to perform miracles

SMRT new CEO to perform miracles

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Insurmountable problems abound besides ensuring commuters don’t have to do the tunnel walk of shame that often.

Desmond Kuek, the new boss of SMRT, is expected to perform miracles to turn things around.

SMRT has sworn in a new chief in the form of Desmond Kuek, a 49-year-old former Chief of Defence Force, who has made the giant leap from the military to a quasi-military organisation that is still linked to the government.

As the new boss, he has his work cut out for him already because he is left to deal with what’s left of a train system that is increasingly falling apart due to the population explosion.

One of the top priorities for Desmond is to ensure that trains run on time and are not subjected to break downs (ever again) that will result in Singaporeans dry humping one another.

Based on past experiences, the buttocks-to-buttocks-to-crotch rubbing was unpleasant for many a Singaporean.

Next, the new boss must also ensure that the air con inside the trains cannot be too cool or too warm. Either way will lead to discomfort and cause commuters to express their hate on Facebook and Twitter. This will cause SMRT’s share price to nose dive.

Also of great importance is the need to prevent all passengers from flatulence. Breaking wind in a confined space is to be made into a criminal offence punishable by death.

Desmond must also make sure that Stomp, the xenophobic thrash site by Singapore Press Holdings run by nincompoops, do not any how write articles saying the train doors open to Narnia.

He would also have to ensure that when the train is packed full of people, the doors can still close without trapping people’s buttocks or crotches.

He must also ensure that all elderly and those with difficulty with mobility have a place to sit. All the time.

More importantly, he must also make sure the glass panels do not have residue from people’s hair gel or oily scalps after leaning on it.

Outside of the train, he must make sure that everyone stands on the left of the escalator because it is the right thing to do. People can only stand on the right if that is what is left to do.

He must also make sure that Happy Lemon, the stall that sells bubble tea at Tanjong Pagar Xchange, does not run out of green tea. This is because every time I want to order Green Tea Rock Salt and Cheese after lunch, they say they don’t have green tea any more. Like that how to have a complete meal and balance lifestyle, right?

Last but not least, he must encourage the PAP potentate to take the train with him more often. So that they will repent and apologise for not seeing things from the perspective of ordinary Singaporeans.

With so many issues to tackle, Desmond must be thinking he should have just retired and gone to the Bahamas.

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