Tag Archive | "city harvest church"

City Harvest Church goers thank S’poreans for outpouring of support during this tough period

City Harvest Church goers thank S’poreans for outpouring of support during this tough period

Tags: , ,


They are comforted by the messages of thanks and public affirmation.

city-harvest-church-congregation-back-view

City Harvest Church goers from that particular walk of life, who like to be led by others they view as leaders, have come out to thank Singaporeans and the public-at-large for the support and encouragement since the trial verdict was announced.

This after six current and former CHC leaders were found guilty of fraud and all charges levelled against them.

One CHC member, Zi Chi Wo, said he is touched by the uplifting messages and the care and concern shown for his congregation that Singaporeans have provided in this difficult period: “I would like to personally thank all Singaporeans for standing by City Harvest and our dear leaders in this difficult time of transition.”

“Singaporeans have, by and large, been very caring and thoughtful during this period of time. I have received messages in private and out in public that they do not judge us and our actions, but want the best for us.”

“This is the kind of affirmative blessing our church preaches regularly.”

Other CHC members said they were touched by the strong national support and thank all would-be followers of their religion for sparing a thought.

Another CHC goer, Qi Dao, said: “The public reception to our trial has been positive and many Singaporeans have come up to me on the streets over the last few weeks saying that they trust us and that this is only a small misunderstanding.”

“In time to come, the truth will dawn and we will be vindicated as our church moves forward to do our best for this country and its people to show them the light.”

“We see things as they are and we are comforted that Singaporeans do as well, and they have been kind and helpful to our cause, which we will continue to champion.”

“There is no sense of disillusionment or a masking of reality.”

At press time, the exchange rate is 3.4 times of blessing for every 1 Sing dollar.

 

 

 

 

 











City Harvest Church goers apologise to Kong Hee for causing him to be found guilty of fraud

City Harvest Church goers apologise to Kong Hee for causing him to be found guilty of fraud

Tags: , , , ,


They said they should have given him more money then none of this would have happened.

sun-ho-kong-hee-city-harvest

Thousands of City Harvest Church goers from that particular walk of life, who believe they are walking with their saviour, bowed their heads low and closed their eyes in anguish as they repeatedly said they are sorry.

This after they apologised to City Harvest Church founder Kong Hee for causing him to be found guilty of fraud with five other current and former leaders of the church.

One church goer, Yeshu Aini, said the responsibility is his to bear: “It is my fault. I should have given 50 percent of my monthly allowance to Kong Hee instead of just 30 percent.”

“I was too stingy and this caused him to do unlawful things to find ways to get more money to give to God.”

“I can only blame myself.”

Other church goers said there can be no one else left to blame for Kong Hee’s predicament but those who were still present in the congregation.

The church goer, Qu Jiao Tang, said: “We must blame all those who are still in the church now and were here all along, because those who left, have obviously absolved themselves of responsibility.”

“But look at us. We are still in this congregation and we have been and are still able to help, but it looks like we haven’t tried hard enough.”

“If we put our hearts and minds into it, we could have made a difference and Pastor Kong Hee wouldn’t be in trouble.”

“It is really the congregation’s mistake. And for that we are sorry, Pastor Kong Hee.”

At press time, current church goers said they will borrow money to give to the church if it makes the place better.

 

 

 

 

 











City Harvest Church goer forgives S’poreans, govt for maligning church, leaders

City Harvest Church goer forgives S’poreans, govt for maligning church, leaders

Tags: , ,


We must pray for those who go against City Harvest Church, Kong Hee and Sun Ho.

kong-hee-congregation

Dear New Nation Editors,

I am deeply saddened by the reactions of my fellow Singaporeans to the guilty verdict of my dearest pastor Kong Hee.

As a long time member of City Harvest Church, the public clearly does not understand the sacrifices he has had to make in the name of God.

When I first received Sun Ho’s Chinese pop CD in 2003, I thought to myself: “What kind of devil’s music is this?”

But as I listened more, it began to dawn on me that I was being overly prudish and she was actually spreading the word of God in the form of Satan-worshipping music to beat the devil at his own game.

Indeed, the more involved I became at the Church, the more I began to understand that I could not even begin to comprehend God’s plan and the plans pastor Kong had for me, the church, its congregation and Singapore as a whole.

You see, I am but mortal. Pastor Kong is The Chosen One.

Without his light shining like a beacon of conscience, the gays, prostitutes and the opposition would start to take over Singapore. Satan would then have a hub to take over the world.

So it was with deep love that I decided to dedicate 30 percent of my husband’s salary each month to help fund Sun Ho’s music career as part of the Crossover Project.

As a good Christian, I have an obligation to my saviour to spread his message: From Singapore to Malaysia, to Taiwan, to China and even to the town of sin, Hollywood.

It must have been extremely difficult for Pastor Kong to see his wife in such disgusting states of undress in public all the time when she was there and for her to live in the heart of the most unholy places on Earth, Beverly Hills.

I’ve watched the TV series 90210 when I was younger. These people have no morals.

But like lepers, the Man and Woman of God must go to the sick to heal the sick.

People outside the church don’t understand us and are so quick to condemn when they haven’t experienced God through His music, sung to thumping beats and a negro man speaking in tongues at the beginning of the song.

I do not understand how “China Wine” or being a Geisha is related to God’s work, but as I said, I’m only mortal. God has a plan, even when I don’t understand. Even when it involves S$23 million. S$50 million. Or a glass manufacturing company.

If Pastor Kong was using that money, it must be God’s will.

Jesus preaches forgiveness, and therefore, we must forgive even if we don’t want to.

So, I forgive the government and the public for misunderstanding and maligning the church.

There’s a special place in hell for people who say nasty things about Kong Hee and an even worse one for those that framed God’s chosen workers.

I pray that it will be like Sodom and Gonorrhea.

Yours truly,
Conservative Nazi

 

 

 

 

 











City Harvest Church goers regret Sun Ho wasn’t paid S$500,000 to stop singing

City Harvest Church goers regret Sun Ho wasn’t paid S$500,000 to stop singing

Tags: ,


They apologise to the rest of the world for her “singing”.

sun-ho-horse-02

City Harvest Church goers from some walks of life, who have seen the error of their ways, have come out to say sorry to the rest of the world for not offering Sun Ho $500,000 of their own money right from the start to stop singing.

This after evidence and testimony revealed in court in August last year, showed that the church had to fork out $500,000 to purchase up to 32,000 unsold Sun Ho Mandarin CDs in 2004, which were distributed to unsuspecting church goers, who each received a copy.

Baey Hiao Bai, a church goer, said: “We knew she couldn’t do this thing called ‘sing’, and we are using this word liberally here.”

“My fellow church goers and I should have acted early on from the get-go to put a complete stop to her attempt at ‘singing’, or so it is called, and none of this would have happened. She should have just received the $500,000 and called it a day but we didn’t manage to make that happen.”

“For this, we are very and truly sorry. We would like to apologise to the other church members for foisting on them her CDs. And to the rest of the world, we are sorry about the warbling and the grand waste of plastic.”

However, not all church goers were unhappy about receiving Sun Ho’s CD.

Kan De Kai, a church goer, said: “I enjoyed Sun Ho’s CD a lot. It works well as a coaster for my mug. And I use the plastic CD cover as a door stopper. And I’ve made a hash out of the CD sleeve.”

 

 

 

 

 











City Harvest Church goers regret not paying Sun Ho S$500,000 to stop singing

City Harvest Church goers regret not paying Sun Ho S$500,000 to stop singing

Tags: ,


They apologise to the rest of the world for her “singing”.

sun-ho-horse-02

A group of City Harvest Church goers have come out to say sorry to the rest of the world for not offering Sun Ho $500,000 of their own money right from the start to stop singing.

This after evidence and testimony revealed in court in August last year, showed that the church had to fork out $500,000 to purchase up to 32,000 unsold Sun Ho Mandarin CDs in 2004, which were distributed to unsuspecting church goers, who each received a copy.

Baey Hiao Bai, a church goer, said: “We knew she couldn’t do this thing called ‘sing’, and we are using this word liberally here.”

“My fellow church goers and I should have acted early on from the get-go to put a complete stop to her attempt at ‘singing’, or so it is called, and none of this would have happened. She should have just received the $500,000 and called it a day but we didn’t manage to make that happen.”

“For this, we are very and truly sorry. We would like to apologise to the other church members for foisting on them her CDs. And to the rest of the world, we are sorry about the warbling and the grand waste of plastic.”

However, not all church goers were unhappy about receiving Sun Ho’s CD.

Kan De Kai, a church goer, said: “I enjoyed Sun Ho’s CD a lot. It works well as a coaster for my mug. And I use the plastic CD cover as a door stopper. And I’ve made a hash out of the CD sleeve.”

 

 

 

 

 











City Harvest Church accused should just plead guilty as it speaks well of their religion

City Harvest Church accused should just plead guilty as it speaks well of their religion

Tags: ,


To be humble before the courts is the best proselytising message ever.

kong-hee-chc

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who look up to people who take responsibility for their actions as it is a virtue, said they would want to see the six City Harvest Church accused plead guilty before the court and put an end to the current trial that is a waste on taxpayers’ money.

This after one of the accused had said in court on Aug. 18, 2014, that church founder Kong Hee is a liar.

Jiang Pian Hua, a Singaporean, said: “If all of them just plead guilty and say they will take full responsibility before the court, Singaporeans will be more convinced that their religion is the one for everyone because it preaches being humble.”

“This will also set a good example as it means you are putting your lives in the hands of the Almighty one and let divine nature run its course.”

Other locals said pleading guilty before the courts sets a good example, as there is an element of atonement that runs parallel with some of the themes from The Good Book.

Qu Jiao Tang, another local said: “Singaporeans will think, ‘Wow! That’s such a magnanimous thing to do. The tenets of their teaching must be from somewhere really humble.'”

“It will also be the strongest proselytising message they can send out.”

 

In other news to prove that God exists:
Serina Wee GIFs prove God exists, ends 2,000-year-old debate

City Harvest Church goers blame themselves for Kong Hee’s predicament

City Harvest Church goers blame themselves for Kong Hee’s predicament

Tags: , ,


They say they should have just given him the money instead of to the church.

kong-hee-the-rancher

City Harvest Church members are blaming themselves for their church founder’s predicament.

This after their church founder Kong Hee took the stand for the first time on Aug. 11, 2014, in a long-running trial over the alleged misuse of $50 million of church funds.

Qu Jiao Tang, a church goer, said: “We should have given him a bigger house at Sentosa Cove and invited everyone all over the world to Singapore. Then he wouldn’t have to get Sun Ho to spread the gospel through her skimpy dressing and provocative dance moves.”

“Imagine how bad he must feel to always see his wife in various states of undress, gyrating in public?”

Another fellow member, Xing Ye Shu, said he feels worse as this court case could have been prevented from the start: “As our rancher and we as his sheeple, it would have only been right for us to have given him all our money directly without funneling it to the church.”

“Then none of this court thing would have happened.”

“We are sorry, Rancher Kong Hee. If we don’t blame ourselves, we’re not true believers.”

 

What has China Wine wrought:
Sun Ho’s ‘China Wine’ saved at least two souls since 2007

City Harvest Church goers regret not paying Sun Ho half million dollars to stop singing

City Harvest Church goers regret not paying Sun Ho half million dollars to stop singing

Tags: ,


They apologise to the rest of the world for her “singing”.

sun-ho-horse

A group of City Harvest Church goers have come out to say sorry to the rest of the world for not offering Sun Ho $500,000 of their own money right from the start to stop singing.

This after evidence and testimony revealed in court on Aug. 4, 2014, showed that the church had to fork out $500,000 to purchase up to 32,000 unsold Sun Ho Mandarin CDs in 2004, which were distributed to unsuspecting church goers, who each received a copy.

Baey Hiao Bai, a church goer, said: “We knew she couldn’t do this thing called ‘sing’, and we are using this word liberally here.”

“My fellow church goers and I should have acted early on from the get-go to put a complete stop to her attempt at ‘singing’, or so it is called, and none of this would have happened. She should have just received the $500,000 and called it a day but we didn’t manage to make that happen.”

“For this, we are very and truly sorry. We would like to apologise to the other church members for foisting on them her CDs. And to the rest of the world, we are sorry about the warbling and the grand waste of plastic.”

However, not all church goers were unhappy about receiving Sun Ho’s CD.

Kan De Kai, a church goer, said: “I enjoyed Sun Ho’s CD a lot. It works well as a coaster for my mug. And I use the plastic CD cover as a door stopper. And I’ve made a hash out of the CD sleeve.”

 

Then she wouldn’t have spent so much money on phone calls too:

Sun Ho’s phone bill costs $130,000 because she called God regularly

 

 

 

 

 











Jem mall delays opening, S’poreans turn to religion

Jem mall delays opening, S’poreans turn to religion

Tags: ,


Secular activities such as eating and shopping unavailable, resulting in spike in religiosity.

city-harvest-jurong

Singaporeans in the western part of the island are turning to religion.

This after the much-publicised opening of Jem mall in Jurong East did not come to pass yesterday. And today, the mall remains shut.

This lack of secular activities, such as eating and shopping, to satiate the lost and the restless has caused Singaporeans to deviate to other outlets to feel fulfillment.

One of which is religion.

One Singaporean Juronger, Yeshu Aini, said: “Jem mall was closed so I went to this religious place in Jurong West for the first time last evening.”

“There was a lot of singing, clapping, loud music, dancing, merchandise, air con, crowds, materialism and socialising. It was not Jem, but it sure felt like it.”

Accountant was only following Bible scribes by retrofitting data

Accountant was only following Bible scribes by retrofitting data

Tags: ,


Working backwards to fit the data was a legitimate method of recording facts, bible scholars say.

kong-hee-court

The former assistant accountant of City Harvest Church made a stunning admission in the Subordinate Courts yesterday when she said she had to “work backwards” to get the interest rate for an allegedly sham bond investment made by the church in 2009.

The court heard how the interest amount of $76,625 that the church will receive from a $11.4 million investment did not tally with the supposed two percent per annum in returns.

To make the numbers work, the assistant accountant had to rework the interest rate to make it 5.05 percent instead.

However, bible scholars were quick to point out that retrofitting of data was a legitimate means of putting events down on paper.

And the accountant was probably acting in Jesus’ interests.

Yehsu Aini, a bible scholar, said: “The New Testament was most likely written 300 years after the supposed existence of a Jewish man in the Levant-Gulf region, who proclaimed himself to be the son of God.”

“This explains the multiple accounts in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and the attempts to square the circle by making connections to the Old Testament about prophecies fulfilled. It was a legitimate way to record history then because there was no Internet.”

This reasoning might even be pursued by the defence team.

A source close to the case, but who declined to be named, said: “This could be grounds for a full acquittal for all six of them charged.”

God fails to hear CHC member’s prayer

God fails to hear CHC member’s prayer

Tags: ,


City Harvest’s Chew Eng Han’s bid to engage a Queen’s Counsel to defend him goes up in smoke.

It appears that not all prayers are answered by God.

City Harvest Church’s Chew Eng Han, who is going to trial this May for conspiring to cheat the church of millions of dollars, has failed in his bid to appoint a highly powerful Queen’s Counsel from the UK to defend him in the upcoming City Harvest cheating case in court.

He is now left without a lawyer, and the High Court Judge VK Rajah who dismissed Chew’s bid poetically chastised him by saying that he is the “sole author of his predicament”.

Some members of the public-at-large, however, are suggesting that it is because Chew did not pray hard enough. And it is not because God did not listen.

Ye Shu, a church-goer, said: “He should have fasted. I can still see his paunch.”

chew-eng-han

City Harvest Church’s Chew Eng Han couldn’t get a Queen’s Counsel to defend him, proving once and for all, money can’t buy you love

Others, who are more practical, are saying that Chew shouldn’t have last minute grab Buddha leg.

In an email reply, God said that he had to handle the Sabah crisis first. His neglect of other mundane affairs is regrettable.

The Almighty said: “If you read my book, you would know my specialty lies with war. Not dealing with finance.”

Shit getting real in Sabah

Shit getting real in Sabah

Other Singaporeans who are following the case. such as this TR Emeritus reader said: “Foreign talent! Foreign talent! Whole day hire foreigners! Sinkapore Sinkapore! Pappies Sinkapore grunt grunt!”

M Ravi to lead congregation at City Harvest Church

M Ravi to lead congregation at City Harvest Church

Tags: , , , ,


By Aihaven bin Ittin Sins Mornin

Human rights lawyer and dance extraordinaire Ravi Madasamy has been called to lead City Harvest Church (CHC) in their congregation this weekend, according the National Council of Megachurches and the Group of Immense Religious Organisations.

Currently under severe media scrutiny for the state of his mental health, the eccentric Ravi had apparently impressed a member of the NCSS during his traditional dance performance at Hong Lim Park last Monday. Decked out in a garland, makeup and a gold belt, he charmed a crowd of 40 people as he told Lee Kuan Yew to “go fly kite” and that there were vampires in the Empire State building.

“We need people like Ravi to bring faith back into the world,” said Venerable Shi Zhende, Chief Abbott at the Buddha Toenail Temple at Anson road and acting spokesman of the IRO.

“Religion has been treated like a spurned lover after a one night stand. People look for god or Buddha when they are in need. Then they forget to give thanks when their wishes are fulfilled. Organised religion is running out of money,” Shi said.

In an three-hour-long joint presentation attended by two CHC members and the press, the NCMS and GIRO said that Ravi would perform five songs and a dance on July 28, taking over the position of Creative Director in the church.

“Ravi displayed tremendous knowledge of all religions during his Hong Lim Park performance when he talked about Yin, Yang and invoked God with several Hallelujahs,” said Bishop Berry “Richie” Richard, president of the NCMS.

“With CHC’s reputation in shambles now, we believe that Ravi is our last hope to restore the membership numbers in Singapore’s megachurches, by making prosperity theology accessible to all religions, classes and races,” said Bishop Richard, adding that it was important for outsiders to refrain from speculation, judgement or prejudice before the conclusion of the CHC case.

“There’s a clear difference between passing judgement and telling the truth. If you don’t believe in God, if you don’t depend on Him to make every decision for you, if you don’t clear your mind for His presence, you will go to hell. It’s like a doctor telling a cancer patient the bad news. I’m sorry you have to hear that,” he said when asked about the definition of judgement.

Indeed, like Kong Hee, Ravi has had a reputation for performing miracles.

On one hand, Kong Hee amazingly managed to misappropriate S$50 million amid the 2008 recession, the Eurozone crisis and a worldwide economic slowdown and convinced his congregation that his pop singer wife’s eurotrash songs were created as a cunning ploy to spread subliminal christian messages.

On the other hand, Ravi has managed to keep the grim reaper from drug mule Yong Vui Kong for five years and defended various suckers from Lee family lawsuits without actually being thrown into the can yet, or being bankrupted.

“This is a sign of a man blessed by God. Ravi also has pastor Kong’s high cheekbones, I think very handsome,” said Faith Foo, a 17-year-old CHC member and budding actress currently working on Jack Neo’s tenth instalment of “Money No Enough”. Her friend, Trust Tin Noh Wan, however, was more sceptical.

“How do we know he’s not the devil in disguise?” asked Tin, also a budding actress. “Ravi does so many cases that don’t make money. That doesn’t fall in line with what pastor Kong taught, which was that God wants us to make tons of cash. He might teach people the wrong thing in the end,”

New Nation understands that Ravi is in the midst of recording his next single “Indian Toddy”, which will be released in a Taiwanese movie next year. The album is currently funded by secret society “Jalan Kayu 369“, but Ravi says additional funding or tips from Wyclef Jean will be welcome.

A Muslim representative from MUIS could not be reached for comment due to Ramadan.

For more crackpot stuff, click on the videos below:

“Water doesn’t like to be insulted” – Kong Hee

M Ravi’s Hong Lim Park performance

Media photographer finds new job after Pastor Kong Hee scrum

Media photographer finds new job after Pastor Kong Hee scrum

Tags: , , ,


He also thanks City Harvest Church for curing him of all his infirmities.

Most cameras managed to capture photos of crotches and sweaty palms.

A scuffle that broke out between the media and Pastor Kong Hee’s tribe of supporters outside the court on Wednesday has led one photographer to switch career overnight.

During the dry hump bonanza that has been widely reported due to the massive amounts of flailing hands, one of the members from the City Harvest Church entourage was heard shouting at a photographer while waving frantically into his camera lens: “Why don’t you go and get another job?”.

The photographer, who wanted to be known as Simon Peter, recounted the incident and said: “I found it quite miraculous that the City Harvest supporter said exactly the same thing as my editor when I returned to the office later that day.”

All the photos he took showed crotches and sweaty palms, with no traces of Pastor Kong Hee’s countenance, or his wife, Ho Yeow Sun’s goldy locks.

Simon said: “I had to go back to my editor and twiddle my thumbs while looking sheepish.”

That was when he was informed by his editor to get another job.

Simon claims that his colleague had it better as he managed to pull off one shot of the beleaguered pastor that will be going down into the anals of history.

(Pic stolen from Mr Brown's blog.)

Simon reasoned: “I was deluded but now I’m not. I thought I was just as good a photographer, but obviously, my colleague is better. I’m just an indie Instagram hipster.”

So, far from being hurt and broken, Simon is grateful to City Harvest and their tribe for the split-second brush and healing touch that cured him of all his infirmities, such as his delusion, besides giving him a new career.

Simon, said thankfully: “After I got fired, I applied for a new job. Now as an investment banker, I don’t have to waste my time fiddling with knobs and buttons.”

“And instead of wasting my time photographing celebrities like Sun Ho, I can now sit in the office, count and wear a suit. I make 90 grand a year. Easily”

City Harvest Church is free to use this story as testimony for their prosperity message during Sunday service.

Co-workers fight over City Harvest Church fiasco after trading insults

Co-workers fight over City Harvest Church fiasco after trading insults

Tags: , ,


It started as an innocuous debate about the City Harvest Church fiasco during lunch break. Things got a little heated, however, when two buddies working in an IT firm wouldn’t back down from their stand.

One of them, Alex Tan, a fervent member of City Harvest Church and an obedient fanboy of founding pastor Kong Hee, who was charged in court for financial misconduct.

The other is Roland Oon, a pimpled-face IT assistant and keyboard warrior who enjoys trolling Christians for sport. Read the full story