Tag Archive | "china"

China to return tanks when S’pore turns 65

China to return tanks when S’pore turns 65


They said they learn from the best practices of Singapore.


Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are already waiting with bated breath for what is rightfully theirs to be returned to them when they turn 65, are nodding their heads in agreement.

This after the nine Terrex Infantry Carrier Vehicles seized by China on Nov. 23, 2016, are currently being held by the China Properties Foundation (CPF) and will be returned when Singapore turns 65.

One Singaporean, Kong Ji Kim, said: “This is poetic justice.”

“I never thought I’ll see a master stroke such as this in my lifetime, like how I might not see my withdrawals because I might not live till 65.”

Other locals said the return of tanks will not be without conditions.

Another local, Gao Zao, said: “They might just decide to return it when Singapore turns 66 or 72. Can change number anytime one.”

“Who knows, maybe the tanks will be returned piece by piece on a monthly basis when Singapore turns 65.”







S’poreans react to China returning underwater drone to US within a week

S’poreans react to China returning underwater drone to US within a week

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Three thoughts you must have had.


China has returned an underwater drone to the United States within a week it was taken from the South China Sea, after both countries engaged in friendly talks.

A Chinese naval ship took the drone that uses unclassified, commercially available technology to collect oceanographic data, on Thursday about 50 nautical miles northwest of Subic Bay in the Philippines.

By the following Tuesday, the drone was returned to its rightful owner.

China seized nine Terrex Infantry Carrier Vehicles from Singapore on Nov. 23, 2016, and has not returned them yet.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:


sian-half-auntie “At least we got to say ‘the US kenna Terrexed’ for a few days. Also shiok.”
Qiong Gong, 42-year-old teacher


sian-half-uncle “Finally Singapore gets a taste of its own authoritarian medicine.”
Jiak Yo, 66-year-old retired surgeon


happy-bird-girl “China may take away our tanks, but they may never take away my Taobao items.”
Mai Dong Xi, 17-year-old salesgirl







China holding S’pore’s tanks indefinitely gives new meaning to ‘Tanks, but no tanks’

China holding S’pore’s tanks indefinitely gives new meaning to ‘Tanks, but no tanks’

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The military gives tanks this way.


Singaporeans from all walks of life, who can English, have learnt a new expression, “Tanks, but no tanks”.

This after China has been holding on to nine Terrex Infantry Carrier Vehicles since Nov. 23, without reason, rendering Singapore with tanks but no tanks.

One Singaporean, Jin Gao, said: “It is good we learn this big international relations terms, as it really helps us with our global politics lexicon.”

“Informing the world about this issue can be quite a tankless task, regardless.”

However, other locals said they do not understand at which point did Singapore tank in its relationship-building with China.

One local, An Zhua Kuan, said: “I think it is because Singapore always says she is tankful for other countries’ friendship.”

“Then China thinks we are full of tanks, so they take some from us without giving us back.”

“Really is tanks, but no tanks.”







S’pore to celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year, make it a public holiday

S’pore to celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year, make it a public holiday

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Give tanks with a grateful heart.


Singaporeans from all walks of life, who appreciate that they can give tanks, are giving tanks profusely.

This after it was announced that Singapore will celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year from now on and will be making the day a public holiday.

One Singaporean, Gan En, said: “Since we gave China nine tanks on Nov. 23, 2016, it is good to look back on this day from now on annually as a reminder that there are other things in life to give tanks for.”

“Giving tanks should be customary and a ingrained practice.”

However, other locals said China taking the nine Terrex Infantry Carrier Vehicles do not really constitute giving tanks.

Another local, Huan Geh Wo, said: “No tanks, I’d rather they be mine.”

“Then, it would really be… explosive,” he said as he put on his sunglasses as The Who came on.







Anti-China Vietnamese protesters apologise to S’pore after wrongly setting fire to S’pore-run industrial parks thinking S’pore is in China

Anti-China Vietnamese protesters apologise to S’pore after wrongly setting fire to S’pore-run industrial parks thinking S’pore is in China

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Lack of maps in Vietnam to blame for geographical misunderstanding.


Anti-China Vietnamese mobs, who set fire to factories in two Singapore-run industrial parks and trashed many more in southern Vietnam, have apologised to Singapore.

This after the anti-Chinese Vietnamese protesters mistakenly thought Singapore is in China.

They are angry over the recent deployment by China of an oil rig in disputed Southeast Asian waters.

VSIP Binh Duong industrial parks 1 and 2 are managed by a unit of Singapore’s Sembcorp Industries.

One anti-China Vietnamese protester, Thinc Yong An Yeurn, said that he is very, very solly about what happened: “I am very, very solly. I burn wrong building. I thought Singapore is in China. But after I pour the kerosene and burn the place down, I check the map again and think, ‘Oh shit, oh shit. Singapore is at the equator.'”

“I don’t have enough Vietnamese dong to give you. You can have some pho.”

Black Hello Kitty available for S$7 from China factory

Black Hello Kitty available for S$7 from China factory

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Haha queue like a dumb ass.

Update: The link for the China website to order the Hello Kitty has been added to this article. You’re welcome, desperados.


Singaporeans who queued up last night from as early as 9 p.m. all the way to midnight to lay their hands on the latest Black Hello Kitty plush toy are getting the shock of their lives.

The Black Hello Kitty is available from China for 35 yuan, or S$7.

When this news was making the rounds, a collective groan could be heard island-wide.

One of the Black Hello Kitty plush toys was even auctioned off on ebay for $126,000.

Over 100 SMRT bus drivers hang out, invited for tea, biscuits

Over 100 SMRT bus drivers hang out, invited for tea, biscuits

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Red trucks also helped bring festive cheer.

It was a day of fun and leisure for more than 100 SMRT bus drivers who hail from China.

Taking a break from their usual daily routine driving buses round and round, a group of bus drivers took a day off to hang out, relax and shoot the breeze from as early as 8 a.m. on Monday morning at dormitories in Woodlands, where most of them reside.

Instead of going to work, more than 100 bus drivers found time to catch up and make new friends.

To ensure they are having fun away from their families they left behind when they came to Singapore to work, at least three red trucks were deployed to the scene to complement their attire and bring on the festive cheer as Christmas is coming.

Sensing that these Chinese bus drivers could be home sick, the red trucks were made to be equipped with water canons to emulate the gushing waterfalls found in China, so as to instantly provide fresh relief from the hot sun should anyone of them require a sprinkle.

But it never got down to that.

Because realising the bus drivers were getting hungry, SMRT representatives — in a show of hospitality befitting of Singapore’s culture — invited them indoors for some tea and biscuits.

The drivers then took part in Singapore’s ongoing National Conversation and only emerged at 6 p.m. fully revitalised and intellectually stimulated.

SMRT bus drivers take part in Singapore’s ongoing National Conversation during their day off on Monday.

A SMRT spokesperson told New Nation, “It was a fun-filled day for this 100-odd Chinese bus drivers. They have worked hard and served our country well. They deserve this day of rest.”

An idyllic existence. Taking pictures and talking about nothing in particular.

The spokesperson continued: “A lot of them were taking photos and smoking cigarettes. Clearly, they appreciated this mini holiday. This should set them up nicely for their permanent retirement soon.”

S’poreans confuse giant pandas with legendary Internet couple

S’poreans confuse giant pandas with legendary Internet couple

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A great number of Singaporeans apparently fainted when they heard the name “Kai Kai”.

Kai Kai and Jia Jia. Not Kai Kai and Dar Dar. Oh god no…

As pandamonium started erupting all over the mainstream media yesterday to announce that two giant pandas, Kai Kai and Jia Jia, had arrived in Singapore on a 10-year loan from China to mark two decades of close diplomatic relations, a lot of Singaporeans apparently did not take to the news too lightly or with any cheers.

And when it was announced officially that Kai Kai and Jia Jia were ready to be showcased to the world, a good majority of people actually fainted from fright.

However, it turns out that it was a case of mistaken identity.

This is because the names “Kai Kai and Jia Jia” sounds distressingly close to “Kai Kai and Dar Dar” — a pair of names belonging to the legendary Singaporean Internet couple.

For those not in the know, “Kai Kai and Dar Dar” used to own a blog in 2010 called “Dar Dar Love Kai Kai Infinitely Much Forever and ever…” that disturbingly featured “vignettes of Kailing suggestively providing oral service to the toes of, allegedly, Darren, her boyfriend of more than 2 years”, a description of the blog formulated by the astute blogger known as Sam.

[Warning: Clicking on this link will direct you to the famous montage of photos of Kai Kai and Dar Dar. If you suffer from a weak heart or poor pulse, it is advisable to contact your family doctor to seek medical clearance to deem yourself fit to view the pictures. And do contact your lawyer in case you need to make last arrangements. Just sayin’.]

Kai Kai and Dar Dar as an Internet couple gained so much notoriety to the extent that “to Kai Kai” someone has become synonymous with “sucking on someone else’s toes” in local parlance.

One of the Singaporeans who fainted but did not want to be named, said: “I don’t think it is funny at all that the two China pandas that appeared with so much hoo-ha should be named almost exactly similar to the Internet couple Kai Kai and Dar Dar.”

He continued: “The scenes of jubilant crowds welcoming the pandas and Minister of State for Trade and Industry Teo Ser Luck’s talk of this so-called “celebrity couple” did little to erase the bad memories of having Kai Kai and Dar Dar’s name pop back into my head. After six months of therapy.”

A petition is currently being put together by netizens to encourage the authorities to rename the pandas Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis.

Sim Wong Hoo rises up like a phoenix

Sim Wong Hoo rises up like a phoenix

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With 10 years and $1 billion spent on developing Creative Technology’s latest HanZpad tablet, is the man going full tilt?

Boo ya Apple! The HanZpad will take China by storm!

Head honcho of Creative Technology is back with a bang.

Having disappeared from the face of the media world for more than seven years, Sim Wong Hoo popped up at a press conference in Singapore last September, signalling what was then thought to be his imminent return.

And on Feb. 15, Creative’s share price bounced upwards of 71 percent, to close at $4.15, its highest since December 2010.

The big occasion? Sim announced the birth of the HanZpad Alliance in Beijing.

What on Earth is that you ask?

Well, subsequently after his Beijing appearance – since March, in fact – Sim has been chairing the HanZpad Alliance, a get-together of 20 Chinese and Taiwanese companies that manufactures, markets and distributes the spanking new HanZpad computer tablet.

At 57 years old, Singapore’s youngest billionaire is working something out with this two dozen partners and has set his sights on the Chinese market.

Creative Technology's HanZpad tablet.

Sim has made it known that Creative will have extensive control over HanZpad’s hardware specifications, chips and content framework.

On the other hand, Google’s Android software will power the device.

Moreover, Creative is setting itself apart from all competitors so far by producing Chinese-language content developed for its tablet, which includes textbooks for mathematics, science and other subjects.

And he is going to run wild with it in China.

As a sign of how far Creative is reinventing itself, here’s the figures: The company spent $1 billion on research and development over the past 10 years to make ZMS, which are new chips to power the HanZpad, alongside making other hardware technology.

Sim even admits that “maybe” Creative has even gone into the red with this project.

But it will be all worthwhile.

The purpose of the alliance is to drive the prices of electronic components production as low as possible, and translate it into affordability for users.

This takes Sim’s mind off these areas of components production to focus exclusively on making the best ZMS chips.

Creative’s share price has since settled at about $3.74 on April 5, a good sign, given that share price was at the all-time low of $2.50 last year.

The all-time high was in March 28, 2000, where it hovered at the ungodly peak of $64. (That was also the period where the U.S. tech bubble was at its most bulbous. And then everything went tits up after that…)

The HanZpad’s scheduled debut is late next month.

Thousands are expected to be manufactured, although no hard figures are provided.

Alliance members, as well as schools in China that are part of a Creative-led pilot project on e-learning with tablets, will receive the HanZpad before everyone else.

Together with the tablet, Creative has also developed a technology to translate physical books to soft copy format, at one-tenth the cost of what publishers will incur if they did it themselves.

The HanZpad will also be equipped with Chinese handwriting recognition software – a niche that will find its application for sure in China – that can accurately read different styles of handwriting.

However, Sim is quick to emphasise that he is not out to compete with Apple, which already has 70 percent of the Chinese market.

His aims are more noble.

He wants to make education available to all Chinese students and the HanZpad will come in handy.

This partly stems from his obsession with the Chinese language ever since he was a kid.

If the HanZpad does take off, it will seal this Singaporean businessman’s reputation as the brainchild of the wildest scalable business idea ever conceived in this country.

Sim is best known for building the Creative Music System in 1987, barely six years after he graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 1981.

His Sound Blaster device was launched in 1989 and sold 40 million units a year. By 2000, it had sold 100 million units of them.

At 45, Sim became the youngest billionaire on this sunny island.

It is still a wonder why he never qualified as one of Cleo’s top 50 eligible bachelors.

This is a 60-second reduction of the original article published in The Sunday Times on April 8, 2012.

Channel News Asia headline “deliberately misleading”

Channel News Asia headline “deliberately misleading”

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The same reader flies into blinding rage again, this time over CNA headline, demands apology.

Dear New Nation editors,

I wrote to you yesterday regarding an editorial faux pas committed by The Straits Times where I demanded an apology from their editors.

I made it perfectly clear that I was offended and I stated my reasons for all and sundry to read and empathise. I’ve received a lot of support and kind words from many who felt the same.

Thank you all for that encouragement.

Today, I opened my Internet browser to scrutinise local news and I fell off my chair as I was made to fly into a blinding rage yet again.

Barely a few hours after the offending ST article with its insensitive sub-headline appeared on the front page, Channel News Asia published a headline that is obviously deliberately misleading, and meant to cause misunderstanding and misinterpretation.

You can be the judge for yourself:

Here is a closer look:

This is the article that was published in the evening of April 2 by Channel News Asia, that broadcaster that claims to be providing you with Asian perspectives but is in fact filled with programmes of people talking incessantly about nothing in particular.

Tell me you don’t see anything wrong with this headline?

Tell me this is not deliberate and in-your-face?

Tell me this is not an insinuation!

Because it isn’t! This is published as if it was a statement of fact!

All I’m saying is that CNA is casting China in a bad light by saying that killing people through state executions is important in the implementation of domestic policies!

I know, this is not even the context and meaning of the headline.

But like I said in my previous letter, it doesn’t matter! Because all it takes is for one person to choose to feel offended, offence is taken.

Worse, one glance at the headline, and I assumed immediately that it is the pot calling the kettle black.

We all know China has one of the highest execution rates in the world.

But how much better is Singapore?

Must we be the ones to cast the first stone with our accusation?

I’m no Jesus but all I can say is that we can’t.

I am appalled and I cannot bear to read more. Editorial oversights like these must stop.

And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels the same way.

There needs to be an issuance of an apology.

Or else I might be forced to do something within my personal capacity.

Yours sincerely,
An Outraged Channel News Asia and Straits Times Reader

Man blows into his own cock to revive it

Man blows into his own cock to revive it

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Effort was futile as his rescue attempt failed.

A man in China tried to blow life into his cock after it was badly beaten.

The incident occurred at a cock-fight where the man’s cock succumbed in what was to be a deadly bout after a 35-match winning streak.

To the bewilderment of people watching, the man from Shangsi, Guangxi Zhuang, in southern China administered mouth-to-beak resuscitation to his cock named Jinji, which is Mandarin for Golden Chicken.

Out of gratitude, the man did not cook and eat his own cock after it died.

He left his cock to rest and buried it instead.

Read the original article here.

China declares itself America’s geekiest space fanboy

China declares itself America’s geekiest space fanboy

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This is a 60 second reduction of the original article here.

In a sharp reversal of its usual anti-American foreign policy,┬áChina sent its first rocket up in space to the tune of “America the Beautiful”. The video clip of the launch, produced by the state-owned CCTV can be found here.

The Tiangong 1, was officially translated into “Heavenly Palace” but was actually a play on words. “Tiangong” had originally been chosen for its reference to Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, and literally translates into Sky Boss.

China sees its ambitious space programme as a symbol of its global stature and wishes to copy – as it has with everything else – American space technology, which it still regards as first-rate.

Internet users who recognised the tune were surprised at the choice of music for the space launch — a proud moment for the Asian nation.

“At the time, I was eating in a hotel with foreigners from an American company and Chinese clients and we were watching the live broadcast,” posted one user on Sina’s Weibo, China’s answer to Twitter.

“All the Chinese there wanted to disappear,” he said of the response.

It was unclear whether the choice of song — which includes the line “America! America! God shed His grace on thee” — was a mistake. Other users have quipped that references to “space cowboy”, due to its massively cooler factor, would have been more appropriate.

“Whoever chose that music was clearly out of date with current trends”, another weibo user tweeted. “I mean, who the hell sings America the Beautiful these days. We’re all obsessed with Justin Bieber.”

CCTV employees reached by telephone passed AFP from department to department, without providing any comment.

It is not the first time CCTV has embarrassed its paymasters.

In January this year, Internet users spotted that footage in a report on an air force training exercise in a national newscast was taken from the 1986 Hollywood blockbuster “Top Gun”, about an elite American training academy. The choice of movie was heavily criticised as it starred Tom Cruise, who at that time was under persecution for his scientological beliefs and his alien-like weirdass behaviour on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

The successful launch of Tiangong-1, which took off late Thursday from the Gobi desert in China’s northwest, marks the country’s first step towards building its own space station.

9/11 freaked me out

9/11 freaked me out

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But I never really comprehended the full impact of it. Until a few days ago.

By Belmont Lay

Just last week, when the New Nation editors had to sit down and talk about doing a a little tribute piece about where we were and what we were experiencing when 9/11 occurred 10 years ago, it didn’t take a lot out of me to go back in time in my mind to dig up the details.

And this very fact about how much I can still recall surprised me.

I think it says a lot that I can still remember that Sept. 11, 2001 fell on a Tuesday – without having to delve too deeply into my memory.

I was 17, pimply and awkward and I was in the first year of junior college. It was September, which meant I was trying to wrap my head around my economics homework.

News of 9/11 came to me close to midnight when I was discharging my nightly obligation of surfing free-to-air channels while homeworking (broadband Internet then, I must add, was a wet dream that was not fulfilled yet).

Footage on Channel News Asia that night was strangely transfixed on a very tall building in New York, as television viewers were informed that there had been an explosion of sorts.

I knew right then something was up.

Or rather, with my poorly developed instincts and a complete inability to grasp the significance of what was unfolding before me then, I, in fact, failed to guess that some things were soon going to come crashing down.

The following day in class, blurry-eyed and a little disturbed having stayed up until 3 a.m. and still not understanding what exactly happened, our Economics tutor was business-as-usual.

No talking about what happened. No point harping over fallen buildings. We have a year-end exam coming up, remember? Let’s dive in, and draw a curve showing how interest rates affects money supply.

That really annoyed me on two fronts:

1) I know my cat didn’t get killed tragically or my parents weren’t getting a divorce, but wouldn’t two buildings billowing with smoke bright and early one morning as seen on TV mean something traumatic happened and my educator was not going to put things in perspective for me?

2) We weren’t about to get some time off from class. To talk about important things, I presume, such as the state of the world for example, because interest rates and money supply are by far more salient? Ironic, no?

Fast forward to the 10th anniversary Sept. 11 weekend yesterday.

I flipped open our friendly broadsheet, The Straits Times on Saturday and read the commentary by everyone’s favourite public intellectual, Kishore Mahbubani.

Kishore said that the US failed to seize the moment to unite humanity. And then he went on about China and plugged his own books.

His article made my stomach turn.

And then I scanned The Sunday Times and pored through Janadas Devan’s missive.

Janadas shared Kishore’s chastising tone, claiming the US wasted the chance to transform the world because the world was emotionally in tune with America when she was attacked exactly 10 years ago but now the feeling has slipped due to a bunch of missteps.

What incessant rubbish, I thought.

After reading both articles, I am made more annoyed than I was 10 years ago. And I’m getting even more riled because neither wordsmith was putting the 9/11 issue in perspective.

In fact, both supposedly “fair-minded” opinions (do consider the quotation marks around fair-minded as optional) are as flippant as my Economic tutor’s reaction and countenance on Sept. 12.

Here’s why: I find it utterly despicable and odious that so-called public intellectuals and opinion leaders should turn the tables on America and accuse it of having made a hash out of the only chance she had to unite the world – after it suffered the worst attack on its domestic soil where mad terrorists targeted civilians to leverage maximum impact from their atrocities.

Because what you need to know about the significance of Sept. 11 and the perpetrators of such a vulgar and grotesque act of obliteration that disregarded any form of civility or of our coming-of-age modernity is this:

– The perpetrators were not only hijackers of commercial airlines. They were also hijackers of religion, self-appointed death squads whose sole allegiance is (or rather, was) to their leader Osama bin Laden.

– They viciously hate Jews, Christians and Shia Muslims, or in fact, any unbelievers in general.

– What they want to promote is not terrorism. They are not even interested in promoting the cause of the marginalised in their community.

– They are not even keen about speaking out against oppressive US foreign policy.

– They were and still are trying to explicitly relay the message to the world that there is only one rule, which is by a despotic empire, of which Al-Qaeda’s sole purpose is to create a new, world wide Islamic caliphate, with a complete break from all foreign influences in Muslim countries.

So let me beg you, dear reader, to consider applying Occam’s Razor: How hard is it to simply see the religiously fanatical mad men for who they truly are?

How difficult it is to see that there are people who are self-conceited and vicious enough to take it upon themselves to shove their worldview down the throats of other people?

Why should we idly sit by and accept that perhaps, just perhaps, America is at fault because public intellectuals or opinion leaders say so?

Therefore, why sound clever by blaming America?

Look, if Kishore even went so far as to quote a Hong Kong journalist who said that “China owes a huge debt of gratitude to Osama bin Laden” for diverting America’s attention away from China and allowing the Chinese to focus on expanding their economy, then there is even more reason to be worried about the future.

You might be allowed to be hopeful that Al-Qaeda or its surrogates will never eventually achieve what they set out to do because they will collapse under the burden of their own ideology.

But if America is no longer mighty enough to take the fight to fanatics, then Al-Qaeda or its surrogates might just achieve their expansion plans.

Then it is really time to start freaking out because you shouldn’t be expecting China to do its share of protecting any time soon on your behalf, because they never even had their eye on the problem the last 10 years since 9/11.

America is the least gay country on Earth: North Korea researchers

America is the least gay country on Earth: North Korea researchers

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China is the gayest of them all.

It’s official: China is the gayest country on this planet, at least according to North Korea’s Chosun Central Television.

China’s perfect score was reported to be 100 out of 100 points, and she is unrivaled as the second place position went to North Korea, which earned 98 points to be slightly less gay than China. Read the full story