New Nation

He promised to take care of Singapore five-ever, which is longer than four-ever.

Photo stolen from here

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who wish there was someone capable enough who can make the haze go away, got their wish fulfilled when they least expected it.

This after thousands of Singaporeans saw Lee Kuan Yew appear in the sky over Marina Bay Sands all of a sudden and gently blow the haze away with his mouth back in the direction of Indonesia.

One Singaporean, Chui Tiao, said she was initially shocked to see such a sight but was quickly overcome by emotion: “When Lee Kuan Yew said that he was going to get up if he felt something is going wrong even when he is lowered into his grave, I thought he meant it metaphorically.”

“This incident has taught me he meant everything he said and he will forever take care of Singapore.”

“Actually, he will take care of Singapore five-ever.”

However, other Singaporeans were quick to capitalise on the situation.

Another Singaporean, Cai Hong, said he initially thought Lee Kuan Yew will at most appear as a rainbow to symbolically remind Singaporeans he is here with us: “I did not expect him to be so in-your-face, but I guess that’s how he was in life.”

“And I guess him being Lee Kuan Yew, he will always be unreasonable with his standards and achieve whatever he wants.”

“I wonder if he can help my son with his O-level exams by whispering the correct answer to him though?”

“You think?”

Bankrupted wheel could use a little spin.

The Singapore Failure Flyer, a bankrupted giant wheel symbolising inane financial failure, will be given a new lease of life.

Formerly known to bore visitors to death — as one single revolution takes approximately one ice age to complete — the giant wheel is going to be resuscitated and sped up to blow the haze away.

Currently, Singapore is experiencing fogged up conditions this past week, as our friendly ally, Indonesia, is thinking they are doing us a favour by helping to smoke us and maybe close down schools and prevent people from going to work.

Engineers working on this project to convert the wheel from a tourist attraction to a massive fan said they will build an enormous coal-powered motor to generate power to turn the gears of the fan, so it spins fast.

A spokesperson from the Ministry of Leisure, Entertainment, Sightseeing Tourism (MOLEST), Fei Li Ah, said: “Singapore is always known for improving productivity. Basically, the Singapore Flyer can be imagined to have undergone a skills upgrade. From serving tourists to performing massive blow jobs.”

The spokesperson also reassured the public-at-large that the smoke produced by the coal-powered motor will not defeat the purpose of using the Singapore Flyer to dispel the haze.

“Basically, the smoke and pollutants from burning the coal to produce energy to spin the wheel will be ventilated such that it is blown away together with the haze.”

“The haze and the smoke will all be directed towards Malaysia. Anyway, their PSI level can go up to about 500, so no big difference for them,” the spokesperson said.

Bankrupted wheel could use a little spin.

The Singapore Failure Flyer, a bankrupted giant wheel symbolising inane financial failure, will be given a new lease of life.

Formerly known to bore visitors to death — as one single revolution takes approximately one ice age to complete — the giant wheel is going to be resuscitated and sped up to blow the haze away.

Currently, Singapore is experiencing fogged up conditions this past week, as our friendly ally, Indonesia, is thinking they are doing us a favour by helping to smoke us and maybe close down schools and prevent people from going to work.

Engineers working on this project to convert the wheel from a tourist attraction to a massive fan said they will build an enormous coal-powered motor to generate power to turn the gears of the fan, so it spins fast.

A spokesperson from the Ministry of Leisure, Entertainment, Sightseeing Tourism (MOLEST), Fei Li Ah, said: “Singapore is always known for improving productivity. Basically, the Singapore Flyer can be imagined to have undergone a skills upgrade. From serving tourists to performing massive blow jobs.”

The spokesperson also reassured the public-at-large that the smoke produced by the coal-powered motor will not defeat the purpose of using the Singapore Flyer to dispel the haze.

“Basically, the smoke and pollutants from burning the coal to produce energy to spin the wheel will be ventilated such that it is blown away together with the haze.”

“The haze and the smoke will all be directed towards Malaysia. Anyway, their PSI level can go up to about 500, so no big difference for them,” the spokesperson said.