Nope, sorry, but the Singapore team is doing pretty well for a bunch of people who drink and smoke.
By New Nation Sports Guru
Singapore CubsXII. Meow.
It has been made public by LionsXII assistant coach Kadir Yahaya that there is a drinking and smoking culture in Singapore football.
As with all things that involve morals, many people with an upright disposition will say that sports, alcohol and cigarettes don’t mix.
But to others who don’t bother to take this upright course – because upright usually means boring and dull, they would say: Well, at least sports, alcohol and cigarettes should not mix at the same time.
Because doing sports, alcohol and cigarettes all at the same time would in fact be called “clubbing”.
But, I mean, is this even considered news?
Many people, with judgemental tendencies, automatically assume that this is a sign that something is wrong with the sporting culture of our nation if sportsmen drink and smoke.
For me, I’ll defend our national team and say to critics, “Get lost”.
Drinking and smoking is what real men do.
In fact, drinking and smoking is what differentiates humans from animals.
Go on, name me a squirrel who smokes?
And I dare you, name me a fish that drinks vodka or bourbon?
Because only through drinking and smoking can real men feel like they have aged properly.
But let’s not argue over ideas.
Let’s talk pure statistics.
Look at the LionsXII’s results in the Malaysia super league: They have so far won two games, lost twice and drawn two others. And they have scored a grand total of 5 goals in six matches and this is a testimony of their unbreakable spirit and smokers’ lungs and drinkers’ liver.
And who did the Singapore team actually managed to beat?
Sabah and Kuala Lumpur.
Two teams who have players who go to bed at 9 p.m. and who eat their vegetables and whose only encounter with alcohol is in cologne.
Therefore, for smokers and drinkers, scoring five goals is already six goals too many.
But there is a much larger discussion that needs to be addressed.
And that is: Football doesn’t add to our country’s economy.
Eleven grown men from one team chasing a ball for 90 minutes against 11 grown men from another team is nothing different from 22 grown men chasing each other to give each other wedgies.
Both activities are just as pointless, sweaty and tiring.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to boo boo soccer per se.
I believe soccer is as pointless as swimming where the main aim is to hold one’s breath and try to go forward while moving one’s arms and legs to see who can go faster until you touch the wall again.
How should this be considered an achievement in life? Let alone an achievement for our human race? And seriously, when I say “human race”, pardon the pun.
Come on, do you seriously see chickens trying to swim faster than one another just so the winner gets to collect a trophy?
Or do you see chipmunks getting wet to be triumphant aquatically?
If animals are not so pointless, why are we?
A greater achievement in life, I believe, is developing the ability to actually breathe underwater naturally.
At that instant, it can be assured that mankind has broken the plateau of our evolutionary heritage and broached new ground with growing something called “gills”.
That would then be considered exciting times.
And news worthy.