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Highly religious iPhone-using S’poreans in crisis after finding out Apple CEO Tim Cook is gay

Posted on 27 November 2015

They might have to stop using the Internet soon.

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A major crisis has broken out in Singapore causing highly religious Singaporeans to consider unplugging from the Internet altogether and going back to barter trade and using stone and bronze tools.

This after they found out that Apple’s CEO Tim Cook is gay.

The confession was previously made public on Bloomberg, but attention was brought to it after it was revealed that the world’s biggest brands such as Google, Coke and KFC are all pro-homosexuality.

This has caused the highly religious people in Singapore who are iPhone users to come to the realisation that they have been secretly financing the gay lifestyle of Apple’s CEO, having purchased his company’s products, such as the popular iPhone 6s and 6s Plus, Apple tablets and MacBooks.

Currently, some 70 percent of smartphone users in Singapore uses an Apple iPhone.

Yeshu Aini, a local religious person, said: “My entire life is in disarray. I have all along been an Apple fan and bought the iPhone 5 and 6 that were developed under Tim Cook’s charge. Therefore, I have been directly contributing to sin by financing it. This has allowed homosexuality to thrive.”

“No wonder this latest 5.5-inch iPhone 6s Plus feels so good in my hands. It is because this is the average length of the male anatomy.”

The realisation that the head of Apple is gay has given cause for concern as others remain extra wary about the international scope of deception.

This could signal that the CEOs of Samsung, Xiaomi and LG are all also secretly gay and waiting for the right time to unveil their as-yet-undisclosed homosexual selves in public soon, which could signal the end of all technology use for the highly religious people.

Local magician Lawrence Khong is expected to take to the pulpit on Sunday to encourage his flock to switch to using pay phones from now on, or even better, denounce technology altogether as a whole to be Satan’s work.

 

 

 

 

 











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- who has written 2589 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • Zep

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