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S’pore Flyer refurbished to rotate faster to blow haze away

Posted on 15 September 2015

Bankrupted wheel could use a little spin.


The Singapore Failure Flyer, a bankrupted giant wheel symbolising inane financial failure, will be given a new lease of life.

Formerly known to bore visitors to death — as one single revolution takes approximately one ice age to complete — the giant wheel is going to be resuscitated and sped up to blow the haze away.

Currently, Singapore is experiencing fogged up conditions this past week, as our friendly ally, Indonesia, is thinking they are doing us a favour by helping to smoke us and maybe close down schools and prevent people from going to work.

Engineers working on this project to convert the wheel from a tourist attraction to a massive fan said they will build an enormous coal-powered motor to generate power to turn the gears of the fan, so it spins fast.

A spokesperson from the Ministry of Leisure, Entertainment, Sightseeing Tourism (MOLEST), Fei Li Ah, said: “Singapore is always known for improving productivity. Basically, the Singapore Flyer can be imagined to have undergone a skills upgrade. From serving tourists to performing massive blow jobs.”

The spokesperson also reassured the public-at-large that the smoke produced by the coal-powered motor will not defeat the purpose of using the Singapore Flyer to dispel the haze.

“Basically, the smoke and pollutants from burning the coal to produce energy to spin the wheel will be ventilated such that it is blown away together with the haze.”

“The haze and the smoke will all be directed towards Malaysia. Anyway, their PSI level can go up to about 500, so no big difference for them,” the spokesperson said.






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Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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