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Overnight raid in Geylang sees authorities seize 500kg of immoral durians

Posted on 28 June 2015

Sellers could face life imprisonment or death penalty.

durian-penis

Singapore’s war on immoral fruits hit a high note Saturday as authorities carried out an overnight raid in Geylang, sending sellers of durian with objectionable shapes and sizes scrambling to evade arrest.

More than 500kg of immoral fruits were seized in the raids as authorities work round the clock to uncover another several thousand kilograms of it stashed in warehouses all over the island.

Calling for stiff sentences to be meted out as a deterrent to others, Chief Police Superintendent See Baey Tng, said while prodding at the balls of flesh of the confiscated durians: “As you can tell, these carefully cultivated durians were grown to titillate the senses.”

“When you put it in your mouth, it explodes on your taste buds, giving you a rich and creamy sensation. People who are not used to the shape and taste might gag initially, but it really grows on you.”

“But what is objectionable is that they put unattainable standards in the minds of women and fetch a high price in the black market, as they are believed to be aphrodisiacs, besides being known to make people giggle.”

“Hence, Singapore needs to take a firm and hard stance against this type of fruit peddling. We cannot simply take things lying down and allow these fruits to penetrate our society’s consciousness.”

Regular-shaped durians have traditionally been imported from Malaysia, but this anatomically-exaggerated variety are believed to have come from Africa.

Singaporeans who heard about the arrests and fruit confiscation were glad action has been taken before things got out of hand and all over their belly.

Jin Deng, a local said: “Clandestine operations that undermine Singapore’s Asian Values and shatter our virginal paradise image must be stopped.”

“I’m glad the authorities have reacted, before things got thorny,” he said while putting on his sunglasses as The Who came on.

 

First, it was the cactus:

Authorities censor Gardens By The Bay cactus that grew longer than originally planned

 

 

 

 

 











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- who has written 2398 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • Horatio

    Before things got thorny.

  • Eat too full

    Lame!

  • Heida

    I lost it at ‘calling for stiff sentences’

  • The Wrath Of Grapes

    Prickly on the outside; prick inside.