God allowed Anglo-Chinese School boys to win rugby final because they prayed harder

Posted on 27 August 2014

St. Andrew’s Secondary’s boys didn’t pray hard enough.

Photo stolen from Red Sports

Boys from both schools praying before kick-off. Photo stolen from Red Sports

Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)’s defeat of St. Andrew’s Secondary (SAS) 28–8 in the final of the National C Division Rugby (Cup) Championship on Aug. 26, 2014 at the new National Stadium sports hub in Kallang, has been revealed to be an act of divine intervention.

In an email interview, God said He allowed ACS(I) to win as they were more sincere when praying before the match kicked off at 4pm.

The Alpha and Omega, who replied to queries through an email correspondence that shone with heavenly colours, said: “I could see most of the ACS(I) boys had their eyes closed and heads bowed, deep in prayer, while a few of the SAS boys on the other hand were goofing off and going through motion, thinking about girls.”

“One of them was even thinking about a boy. Cheeky bastard.”

The Good Shepherd said deciding who should come out top in this year’s head-to-head competition was a no-brainer as SAS boys were clearly having trouble with their faith.

The Light of the World explained: “One of the SAS boys said he was even willing to give up the pleasures of life for a week, if you know what I mean, but he went back on his word on day three.”

The Eternal One also said last year’s rugby final was a bit tougher to call and it was a toss-up between both sides, but was eventually won by SAS, who were victorious for the first time over ACS(I) with a 14-13 scoreline.

The Everlasting Father said he had to decide a winner last year by going through old records and found substantiating evidence that some of the SAS boys had been giving more tithes in church and abstaining from alcohol.


Heed God’s word, follow His signs:
7 signs God is going to destroy JEM mall in Jurong East by end of 2014

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Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • Nicholas

    Wang Pei – Kindly go fuck yourself for writing bullshit

    • Wayne

      Poor Nicholas. Must be hard living an entire life without a sense of humour…

    • mlj11

      Why so upset? It’s no different from when God gives Hollywood actresses their Oscar wins instead of feeding all those poor starving African children. Sure, He’s omnipotent, but He’s gotta do something to ensure believers keep their faith, right? And what better way to do that than to grant only some prayers and neglect the rest? The Mystery Of It All is what keeps people coming back for more, man!

      • SKY

        Wow, nicely done buddy, substance free AND ignorant at the same time. And all while incorporating the same cringeworthy dig-at-religious-people-masked-as-humour, just like the article. You sure you aren’t Wang Pei in disguise? 😀

        Oh wait, you were being serious. Um, o-k-a-y… in which case, could you kindly put forward a logical argument that states that just because God exists, He necessarily has to answer EVERY prayer EVERYONE makes? No seriously, take your time, I’ll wait.

        In the meantime, your non-argument from personal incredulity is noted and dismissed. :)

        • mlj11

          Uhm, no. Actually, you are the one with the non-argument.

          All I did was to point out the very accurate observation that people credit god for successes, but fail to acknowledge god for failures.

          That I did so in a sarcastic and humorous manner is what appears to have riled you up, so please don’t diminish the validity of my comment’s content just because you do not appreciate the manner in which it was delivered.

          As for your demand for “logic” – you’re barking up the wrong tree for an answer, because I simply do not believe in any god. It is believers who bear the burden of reconciling in their minds why their omniscient, omnipotent and omni-benevolent deity – who by the way sent his son to claim stuff like, with faith the size of mustard seeds one can move mountains, and that when 2 or 3 are gathered in his name he will be there in their midst – chooses to let certain sports teams win while allowing child rapists to get away with their crimes.

          • Smileyman

            No doubt your observation is very much accurate and valid. Humour can come in many forms but buddy the one you are putting across is simply condescending.

            Rituals, deities, God, etc etc etc may just seem like a figment of imagination to you but that’s when we have this thing called respect. You won’t go spit on or trample over someone else’s’ incense or offerings to their ancestors as a joke or dare just because it doesn’t make sense to you. Likewise, why would you do it over the internet now?

            If you were to be so concerned about the unanswered prayers as well as the misdeeds going unpunished in the world, may i suggest that you join an actual support or welfare group to advocate for the right thing to be done? When there is no God in the picture as you suggest, i think the closest bet would be for us humans to try to make it a better place. I’m sure a man with your eloquence and talent can definitely contribute much more in a real organisation rather than to waste all that talent bashing up someone else’s religion on a satire website.

          • mlj11

            Thanks for your measured response; however I disagree with the thrust of your complaint.

            You are spot on in your observation that NN is a satire website: regular readers like myself know it serves up a satirical take on news events that is unafraid of cutting through social conventions or ‘OB markers’ to present another, often funny, side to the story that might make readers go, “Hmm yeah, NN is right. What were [those people being lampooned] thinking?”

            My original comment was made in the same spirit of satire as NN undoubtedly applies to their articles. Frankly, if you are one who might be offended by a harmless does of online mockery, then you should’ve steered clear of the article when you saw the headline, not least because you might expect the comments here to follow in the same vein of humour too.

            And for consistency’s sake, I hope you also take umbrage at similarly satirical articles that poke fun at, say, Ting Pei Ling and her Kate Spade bag, or ‘ponding’ in Orchard Road, instead of finding humour in those. Otherwise, your complaint about me not showing the same “respect” online as I should do in real life rings hollow.

            Furthermore I’d point out that you’re making an innocuous mistake in thinking that making sarcastic remarks online automatically precludes me from actually contributing to “real organisation[s]” – let me assure you that is entirely not the case: I am capable of doing both in equal measure. Oh, and please don’t think that making jokey comments online automatically makes the world a worse place; humour is an underestimated remedy to the travails of life.

            Last but not least, I’d like to leave you with an idea that I hope you may find thought-provoking, if not with regard to your spirituality, then perhaps in relation to your online reading habits. People often say you can recognise good satire when you can’t find any fault with the logic it presents: I think that applies especially in this article and my original comment, precisely because we are lampooning the absolutely illogical practice of praying to a god who does not guarantee you will get what you pray for. Allow me to be more direct – god as a whole (at least the one the two teams were praying to) is illogical. Unless you think you can find some inherent logic to this god, I suggest you never attempt to read any satirical articles about him, because it will just be an exercise in frustration on your part. If, however, you ever get tired of the ever-increasing cognitive dissonance you get in trying to reconcile this god and reality, then might I suggest you start to consider the possibility that he doesn’t actually exist. I tell you solemnly: everything makes a whole lot more sense if you can do that.

    • ycbin8

      Are you the boy who was thinking about another boy?

  • Timothy Han

    humour and blasphemy are very different things.

    • your god

      one leads to smiles & cheers. another leads to stoning, persecution and death. not sure which one you like

    • ycbin8

      Well, if you pray hard enough, maybe the writer of this article will be killed by God’s wrath.

  • wally

    People who pray hard are the ones who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
    They pray al dente prayers so naturally assume the same of other religions.

    Christian prayers are described in more spice related tones: incense, mustard seeds.

    God just cares we love each other in what we do.

    So keep those Bibles and have a chill day.

  • a

    Their prayers were heard, the train didn’t break down.

  • wang ah pei

    Wang Pei is like that person we all know who tries too hard to get people to laugh.

  • Angila teng lang ahgua school

    Next time Olympic jus place 3tables of offering, hired 10 different religiou leader to pray for gold Liao lor! Mai tu Liao!

  • asd