More S’poreans considering taking up homosexuality to advance investment banking career

Posted on 14 May 2014

They want a better shot at working in Goldman Sachs.

By David Tan

marina-bay

Following a recent announcement by global investment banking firm Goldman Sachs that it is hiring more LGBT employees in Singapore, the number of Singaporeans turning to homosexuality to improve their chances of being hired has increased.

In a straw poll conducted recently, at least 60% of those interviewed said they would readily “go gay for more pay”, especially if it meant being employed by one of the largest investment banks in the world.

“Singaporeans are a pragmatic people,” said one respondent, “and if choosing an alternative lifestyle means that I can get a more fulfilling career, I don’t see what the big deal is”.

In line with these changes in the hiring market, the Singapore government has also recently announced a slew of policy changes to ensure that Singaporeans remain employable amidst changing times.

The Education Ministry has announced that they will be adding a new compulsory humanities subject, Gayness, to the ‘O’ Levels examinations to ensure that Singaporean students remain competitive in the international job market.

Gayness students will be required to demonstrate the requisite homosexual flair in order to pass, and examinations will consist of both a written and an oral component.

“I think that Singaporeans must learn to adapt to new economic challenges in order to remain relevant,” said the Minister for Trade on the sidelines of the announcement of Singapore’s plan to become Asia’s leading “Homo Hub”.

He later went on to add that while many Singaporeans may disagree with our recent gay-friendly policy shifts, it is important to remember that as a small country, it is important to be forward-looking and not rely only on rose-tinted glasses.

Rainbow-coloured glasses will be the norm and we must all follow suit as well.

This post was written by:

- who has written 2587 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • William Lai

    Can singapore media (or ppl) stops saying LGBT as a “lifestyle”? You ppl are still living in the 90s? Come to the modern and civilized world please. LGBT is not a “lifestyle” but a “born-as-that-way”…

    • b

      Whoosh.

      • Devane Sharma

        LGBT is not a lifestyle- it is a sexual orientation. Some may argue for and against “born this way” but I disagree with the notion that it is a lifestyle. What is a gay lifestyle? Do they go to gay schools, gay restaurants, gay neighbourhoods and play gay music? No.. they have the same lifestyle as you just that they love the same gender instead of the opposite.

        • Raphael Wong

          Hmm Darren,

          Actually, yes, there are gay restaurants, gay bars, gay neighbourhood, gay music and gay movies. Gay schools … not yet, but surely coming up in the future.

    • Chin

      Debatable

  • Donald Piret

    Great read. Unfortunately once again saddened that satire seems to go over a lot of people’s heads here :p

  • Option available

    All those married husband who have lost their job? You have an option to become gay overnight in order to secure a post in big MNC bank. But first, you need to attend Pink Dot to see if you can blend into a new culture and environment..

    If you have finally decided that gay is not an option for you after trying to be gay, you can return to being Straight again. The world is such a wonderful place that human can become gay or straight if they choose to, that was according to “christian” world view.

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