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Kim Jong Un wins 100% of popular vote

Posted on 10 March 2014

Puts other democratically elected leaders in Asia to shame

kim jong un

North Korea’s supremely overweight leader was re-elected to the supreme people’s assembly without a single dissenting vote in his district this week. Voters had two options on their ballot – to say Yes, or No – to another five years of rule by the kingdom’s most eligible bachelor. Despite there being no other candidate on the roster, voter turnout was at a 100%.

“North Korea has become an unprecedented example of how Asian democracy works,” said self-styled political pundit Eric de Yaya.

“There was no vote buying used, nor was there massive American-style wastage of time and resources during the campaign period. People voted for continued stability and the status quo – Kim Jong Il single handedly prevented a hurricane from destroying the country. No one else has such a proven track record.”

The victory of the young Kim Jong Un has put many of Asia’s leaders to shame. No other leader has won by a landslide 100% before and election watchers in Malaysia and Indonesia frequently report cases of vote buying in rural villages.

“Singapore should learn from North Korea. Why waste money on election sweeteners when you can intimidate your voters into acquiescence. If economic growth and stability is the end game for Asian democracies, trying to convince voters to take their bitter medicine – that is western style freedoms are only detrimental to the country’s overall standard of living – is futile.”

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Joey is an intern at New Nation. He hopes to be as funny as Belmont one day and get laid at least twice a month.

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  • SP

    Authorec for Cartman reference.

  • Xadiq

    That photo is the best thing on the Internet today.

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