Just in time for Singapore’s 50th anniversary.

Lau Pa Sat, Singapore’s preeminent cheapskate affordable food place in the CBD, will reopen in August 2015 when renovations are scheduled to be completed.

The food place was closed since September 2013 and renovations were initially slated to end by November the same year.

Which is obviously a lie.

Sources have said the closure has affected everyone in CBD, with many office workers turning to cannibalism and eating their colleagues to stay alive.

One reason for this is because the other food place at Asia Square is so expensive, there is no point eating there everyday as one will be broke by month’s end, and will resort to eating one’s own family members to not die.

However, one officer worker, Jia Ka Kee, said he is impressed that Singapore in general is coping well even as the work force has diminished due to cannibalism: “I hear 2013’s economic growth was more than 3 percent. This calls for a celebration.”

“I’m going back to office to eat my colleague Annie and May. I have fancied their flesh for so long.”

The reopening will coincide with Singapore’s 50th anniversary and a montage showing how we overcame the tough times caused by the renovation will also be featured as part of The Singapore Story.