Besides plywood, PAP also hoarding onions

Posted on 10 January 2013

Plan is to help by-election candidate induce crying on cue to win votes.

A colorectal surgeon is expected to be PAP’s candidate to contest in Punggol East SMC by-election. But the question is: Can he cry on cue? (Photo stolen from Yahoo!)

Over the past few days, the PAP has been importing large amounts of plywood from Malaysia – an indication that the by-election at Punggol East SMC is around the corner.

Plywood is used as a backing for election posters to make them stiff. Without which, election posters will be hanging on lamp posts all flaccid, unlike Michael Palmer’s dong.

However, plywood is not the only material the PAP is allegedly buying in bulk.

Sources close to the party say they have also started hoarding large amounts of onions.

Up to four tonnes of it to be exact.

It is understood that half of the onions will be used by the Punggol East SMC by-election candidate to practise crying on cue.

This is to replicate what Desmond Choo achieved during his Hougang by-election rally in May 2012, although it is not known if he sniffed onions. Or drove his palm into thumbtacks. Or bit his tongue.

The leftover onions will be pulverised and unleashed as a mist into the atmosphere during PAP rallies to induce salty water to come out from all the other speakers’ eyes.

No time for LOL. :( Desmond Choo garnered 3 percent more votes when he shed tears during the Hougang by-election rally in May 2012.

As well as from the eyes of rally attendees, which the mainstream media will no doubt say number in the thousands.

When in fact only about 75 people will show up.

Based on evidence accrued in the by-election held at Hougang SMC last year, it was discovered that crying helped PAP’s candidate, Desmond Choo, garner three percent more votes.

His showing, nonetheless, was estimated to be the same even if the PAP fielded a cactus. Quite a sad case, indeed.

But it should be noted, that unlike the last by-election held in Hougang, there was no AIM fiasco hanging in the air like now.

Or striking foreign workers snafu every other month.

Plus the fact that PAP’s Michael Palmer vacated his MP seat after porking a woman who is not his wife, unlike Yaw Shin Leong, who only allegedly did likewise.

Therefore, some tears will be necessary.

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Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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