Rent-an-old-man service picking up steam

Posted on 20 June 2012

Woffles Wu case sparks frenzy booking for old men to blame.

As the Woffles Wu case has shown, old people are ideal to take the blame because they will get away with it.

A relatively unknown one-year-old rental service that allows people to rent old men for various purposes, is seeing a boom in business after the recent Woffles Wu abetment case came under the spotlight.

Wu, a plastic surgeon with a history of appearing on television and in the newspapers for matters not always associated with plastic surgery, was charged with abetting an elderly man to take the blame for speeding offences that occurred in 2005 and 2006.

His case has sparked widespread derision, as the public-at-large questioned why such a brilliant scheme never occurred to them in the first place, as the old man got away scott free with nary a rebuke.

But it is not as if someone out there hasn’t thought about it.

Tan Tua Liu, the owner of Old Is Gold, said he was inspired to start his rent-an-old-man business after witnessing a strange occurrence in Chinatown one year ago.

An elderly man, who is obviously a lecher, reached out to grope a pair of breasts belonging to a well-endowed woman as he fell to the ground feigning a seizure.

Not only did the woman not feel violated, she was apologetic for being unable to help the old man and even blamed herself for his predicament.

From that incident, Tan learnt that elderly folk can and do get away with doing things, and the recent Woffles Wu abetment case served to prove him right further.

For the past year since his business started, old men, usually aged 70 years old and above, have been rented for various purposes.

Approximately two to three old men are rented each week, for about $50 per day.

Some times they are used as decoy, while other times, they are made to take the rap for minor offences.

Xiao Nu Hai, a seven-year-old gifted child, said her parents allowed her to rent an old man some time last month after she forgot to submit her home work one day.

She said: “My friends always blame their dog or their maid for eating their homework. I just have to blame Ah Pek and his incontinence and there is absolutely nothing the teacher can do about it because he is sooooooo old.”

Other times, an old man acts as a good friend.

Sng Char Bor, a 50-year-old tycoon, said: “I go to Batam every few weeks to meet my mistress and children. So sometimes I need an accomplice. Lau Tou Zi comes in handy as he explains to my wife we are going on a fishing trip. She never got suspicious.”

With referrals hitting an all-time high this past week, Old Is Gold is considering extending a deluxe package at a higher premium next, where old women can be loaned to take the blame for criminal offences.

As they are old and do not have scrotum, they will be spared lengthy and severe punishment.

With more than a dozen old men on loan in the last five days since Woffles Wu’s case broke, Tan said he is only glad he can keep the elderly gainfully employed: “There is no such thing as right or wrong. In Singapore, it is only either economically viable or it is not.”

This post was written by:

- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • Chow Chee Hello

    I want to rent an old man to help me with some Japanese translation related to the World War 2 occupation of Singapore but his Gurkha guards keep blocking me.

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  • foodobsessed

    disgusting. taking the vulnerability of old people and the compassion and understanding extended to them by the community and making use of that to help people get away with their mistakes? pretty soon old people will no longer be accorded with such compassion should this continue and in the event that in the future a real scenario where the compassion should truly be deserved happen, it is likely that it will not. realise this please all those who are ‘renting old people’, you might one day need the compassion of society but will not receive it because you helped to make society wary of the elderly.